I spent much of my time in late 2017 trying to figure out how to be single and happy. I just came out of a relationship of almost 4 years and I had no idea how to be single, let alone how to be happy again.
By all accounts, it was a tough journey.
Breakups are never easy to deal with. What’s harder is readjusting to life without someone by your side. Someone who cares for you and is attached to most of your present and future plans.
I was extremely uncomfortable being single and that was my greatest indicator of why I needed to be single and happy. What I didn’t like is the advice I found online.
Most of these popular dating sites preach this idea of going out there and living your best life. You can’t possibly live your best life until you cleanse your soul of the heavy demons you carry with you.
Traveling to a new country and meeting new people is all good and well but a breakup is more of an internal battle than it is an external one.
Yes, the person you shared a relationship with is an external being but when you’re single, it’s the relationship you share with yourself that has to be built from scratch.
Going to a new country or hooking up with new people isn’t going to fix anything.
You can try to run from your secrets and demons but they’re attached to your shadow for as long as you don’t deal with them head-on.
So in today’s article, my goal is to share a list of strategies that places an emphasis on becoming a stronger version of yourself.
If you really want to know how to be happily single, well then, you have to be willing to work on yourself by yourself.
1. Embrace Being Alone
The single scariest thing for most people is being alone. Ask yourself why. It goes beyond our carnal need for companionship.
A lot of the times, we are afraid to confront who we really are.
Being alone forces us to look into a mirror that reflects back all our insecurities, fears, regrets, mistakes and flaws.
Instead of looking at those demons and attacking them one by one, we charge out of the room and into the arms of someone, anyone. This only brings temporary happiness.
Eventually, the ones who confront those demons don’t just slay them but carve an image for themselves that’s better than anything they’ve been before.
Check out our list of toxic beliefs ruining your life and how to fix them.
When you can do that, being alone will never be as scary as it is now. At that point, you’ll embrace being single with open arms until the right person stumbles into your life.
Until then, you have to be alone, look into that mirror and fight.
Spend some time by yourself every day. Whether it be through meditation or through exercise. Break yourself down by doing something difficult and really push yourself to a new limit.
It’s in pain and suffering when we truly unlock our true potential. When you can visibly experience the extent of your abilities, that’s when you will see yourself through different lenses.
2. Completely Remove Your Ex From Social Media
Nostalgia is a beautiful feeling for all of 5 seconds. Soak yourself in it for too long and you’ll find yourself feeling motivated to suffer the pain of missing the past.
There’s nothing wrong with going back to your past to face your demons. We do this to move forward without being weighed down by them.
Nostalgia is not that. It is often triggered by a reminder of a past moment or experience with someone we cared about or a time in our life we were better off perhaps.
It’s dangerous when that feeling of nostalgia circles an ex.
I’ve been guilty of this throughout my teen years and early 20’s. Only in my mid 20’s did I realize that the best way forward is to leave those who left you behind in the past.
All you have is right now and the people in your life who are here.
I understand that what I’m saying is harder said than done but you must do it.
The best thing you can do right now is to remove your ex from all social media accounts.
This isn’t about them. It’s about you making a choice for you. Keeping them around and constantly viewing them living life without you isn’t doing anything for you.
It feeds a dead relationship that has to be buried and set free.
Think of this as moving forward, not forgetting.
3. Invest In Your Career
Alright, now things start to get really fun. Since you’re single and ready to mingle, how about you spend some of that free time, energy and commitment on something that could change your life.
As human beings, we are nothing without a purpose.
For the most part, our purpose in life can exist outside of our careers or it can exist within it but without a fully functioning career, we can’t fund our lives let alone our purpose.
Now would be a good time to invest in your career.
Why? Well for one, you don’t have the responsibility of a relationship to cater to.
Secondly, you have the complete freedom to invest in your career and life in whichever way you see fit without having to consider someone else right now.
Use that to your advantage.
Chase after your career as best you can the rewards you reap will literally make your life better.
This is a reminder to your subconscious that when you invest in yourself, you are capable of doing well. You may want someone to hold your hand and be there for you but this proves to yourself that you’re capable of success even if you don’t have someone there.
Knowing that you can thrive while single is an empowering feeling that will translate very well when you decide to enter the dating pool again.
By the time you end up looking for a partner again, the financial growth and career development will make it so much easier to attract a good person into your life.
This is extremely true if you have plans of getting married and starting a family.
Do it now so that when the right person enters your life, you are not held back by career and financial constraints.
4. Purposefully Take Yourself On A Date
All work and no fun is just as much a recipe for disaster as all fun and no work.
Part of being single requires you to take care of yourself.
It’s hard to stay motivated and make an effort to take care of yourself and have a good time when you’re emotionally torn up over a breakup or not being able to find someone you connect with.
But that is usually the most important time to be taking care of yourself.
Try to take yourself out on a date. No, this doesn’t mean you need to romance yourself but hey, if that’s what floats your boat then more power to you.
Go for a movie, take yourself out for a fancy meal, visit a flea market, go to the beach, hit the gym or try something new.
If you can find a way to have fun by yourself, then you’ll eventually attract people into your life because they’ll be enamored and attracted by your feel-good energy.
A date is an opportunity to get to know someone. How about you get to know yourself.
Do it often and do it with passion.
5. Draw Up A Future That Revolves Around Your Goals And Dreams
One of the hardest things to overcome is the painful realization that the future you had so carefully crafted with your now ex is dead and over.
I’ve been in that boat and it sucks.
You can lose your drive to strive for more when a relationship ends and you become single again.
But is that reason enough to give up? No! Is that reason enough to stop wanting more for yourself? No!
With or without someone, you are capable of so much more! You weren’t put on this earth just to be someone’s partner!
You have so much potential within you to do something meaningful and purposeful with your life. Embrace that truth with open arms and chase after a future that will solidify your place in this world.
Create a vision board of your dream life and plaster it with all the things you want to accomplish.
Let that be your driving force going forward.
Most importantly, get after it!
The Art Of Being Single And Happy
Yes, it’s an art.
Much like a painting, you must take calculated and creative actions to design a life that reflects the image in your mind’s eye.
As you implement the strategies in this article, your bar of happiness gradually increases.
When the cumulative effect kicks in and all the actions you take over a period of time accumulate, your happiness bar peaks and you experience a sense of bliss that may have been missing in your life for years.
You’ll get there! I know it!
And if you ever find yourself suffering like hell, just remember, it always ends well!