I’ve examined countless marriages, coached many people, and studied endlessly on attraction and romantic love to help you figure out the best ways to be more affectionate to your wife.
The mistake most men make in their marriages is stepping off the gas pedal and resorting to complacency when it comes to romance. Rather than making their wives feel attractive, desired, and loved, they overwhelm them with monotony, routine, and laziness.
Let me tell you the secret to making your wife feel like she did when she first fell in love with you. To keep her happy, the courtship must never end. This is it. This is the secret. It’s nothing fancy, nor is it complicated.
What does this mean?
It means that you should treat her in a similar way as you did when you were trying to make her fall in love with you.
Obviously, there are some differences in the approach given that you are married and live together. But the general idea of courtship remains.
During the courtship phase, most men are spontaneous, enthusiastic, flirtatious, confident, driven to impress, and affectionate.
Men in marriages become lazy, predictable, non-communicative, and distracted.
You can maintain desire within your marriage with a perspective change. I want to be a source of wisdom for all those people who are trying to cultivate a long-lasting, loving, and fulfilling marriage.
So, in today’s article, I’m going to share a list of romantic ways to be more affectionate with your wife.
How To Court Your Wife
1. Express your love to her verbally
It doesn’t matter that your wife has heard it a thousand times; vocalizing your love and adoration for her will continue to make her feel special, noticed, and appreciated.
- Say “I love you” with and without reason.
- Compliment her genuinely and sincerely.
- Reassure her when she feels low or insecure.
Words are powerful, and we should never neglect expressing our affection to those who choose to be with us.
2. Touch her affectionately
It surprises me how entitled men become in marriages. They choose to skip all the non-sexual intimacy, expecting their wives to feel desired and loved.
Women feel sexy and passionate when they are romanced and courted.
When you want to express your love and adoration physically, get back to the basics.
- Hold her hand.
- Hug her frequently.
- Initiate gentle kisses.
- Wrap your arms around her waist playfully.
These simple physical gestures have a profound effect on the overall happiness and contentment a woman feels in a marriage.
3. Spend quality time with her
Nothing makes a woman feel special and understood more than quality time. It’s no different in a marriage.
I’m not talking about spending time with your wife while doing chores or lazing around.
I’m talking about designating a special time to be locked into a conversation with her. Make the interaction about experiencing her in real time, and she’ll feel loved.
- Take her out on a date.
- Ask her genuine questions about her day or what she’s feeling.
- Get her opinion on things or give your opinion on things she’s interested in.
- Don’t focus on your phone while she’s trying to get your attention.
Related article: How to prove you love someone unconditionally
4. Be supportive of her
In general, women prefer to work through their issues by talking about them.
It’s cathartic and also an effective way to process their emotions with someone with whom they feel safe.
As a husband, one of your roles in the relationship is to be the strong support system that your wife can turn to when she’s feeling emotional.
- Don’t undermine or minimize her feelings about an issue.
- Ask her whether she wants your help or if she wants you to just listen.
- Be cool and collected so that she can feel free and safe to be emotional.
5. Spoil and surprise her with romantic gestures
Why do men in relationships only think about surprising their wives after messing up or pissing them off?
You could earn so many brownie points while making her feel loved by doing those things unprompted and in the absence of issues.
- Surprise her with flowers and chocolates
- Give her a shoulder massage after a long day
- Purchase her a gift she’d like
- Book her a spa day
6. Work on your problems as a man
The greatest way for a man to kill desire in his wife is by turning her into his therapist or mother.
By all means, turn to your wife in times of need and discuss your problems with her. A relationship should always have a supportive facility within it, but at the same time, you have to take accountability for your own well-being.
Your wife will feel so loved and safe with you knowing that she can rely on you to work on yourself and deal with your problems.
It’s not easy to show up and be loving to others when we take on the role of a victim. Life is hard, and we will be tested with great difficulty.
But that’s when we ought to be patient, persistent, strong, and courageous. Through this, men become stronger and wiser, even as spouses.
Related article: 8 Reasons why alcohol ruins relationships
7. Acknowledge her when you come home
I know you’re tired after a long day at work, but when you enter through the front door of your home, muster up some energy to greet your wife with love and enthusiasm.
Even if it’s just a quick kiss on the cheek and a gentle embrace, acknowledge her and then move on to relaxing.
It’s these simple acts of love and gratitude that keep a marriage strong and healthy.
8. Help her without being asked to
Your wife has many roles to fill. She may or may not have a professional job, but she is also your wife, the mother of your kids, a daughter, a friend, and much more.
Life may turn into a never-ending cycle of chores, responsibilities, tasks, and deadlines.
Perhaps their isn’t much time in the day for either of you to just focus on being romantic like you were at first.
But romance can look different with time.
Acts of service that help your wife fulfill some of her roles can be what she perceives as romantic at times.
- Help her with household chores when you can.
- Take the kids out for a while so that she can focus on her personal well-being.
- Show initiative by taking on responsibilities without being asked.
- Cook a meal for her or order food in when she’s tired.
9. Be playful when she’s grumpy
Men often complain about how their wives start to nag them about simple tasks, but what they fail to recognize is that she’s adopting this approach because she feels unimportant or overlooked.
She’s not actually upset or nagging you about the task; it’s about how you’re making her feel by not remembering or not helping out.
Sometimes she’s going to be grumpy because of her body or the way she looks on a particular day.
Maybe she’s just annoyed with work or what’s happening around her.
Rather than matching her energy or, worse, getting mad at her, remain stoic and calm. In fact, if you can be playful and make her smile while acknowledging how she feels and what she’s saying, you’ll flip the entire mood in the room.
Not only will she relax, but she’ll also become more loving and affectionate because you will have taken the time to acknowledge her and help her out in the way that she asked.
10. Celebrate relationship milestones
I used to be terrible with dates until I made an effort to improve my memory. But I still struggle to remember important occasions, so I make an effort to use a calendar and a reminder.
When someone’s approaching, I mark it down on my calendar, and I set an alarm with a reminder the day before and on the day itself.
I take all of these extra steps because I want to make the people in my life feel special and appreciated.
Don’t be the person who forgets birthdays, anniversary dates, special occasions, and milestones in your relationship.
By remembering these things and celebrating them with your wife, the subliminal message behind your actions is that you are grateful for the relationship you have.
You’re making it known to her that her presence in your life is meaningful, impactful, and special.
It’s not about grand gestures or luxurious gifts. It’s almost always about the significance of your actions and approach to her and the relationship.
11. Flirt with her
It’s not easy for women to deal with beauty standards in today’s time. There’s so much expectation on them, and it’s even harder to take care of oneself to the best of your abilities when you have kids.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that your wife is still an individual who desires attention and feels good to be desired.
As her husband, you have to show up and make her feel your desire.
Believe me when I tell you that it’s not just about sex. She wants to feel desirable as a woman in general.
So compliment her, flirt with her, and acknowledge the effort she makes to look good.
Don’t be the goofball who’s distracted by a screen when your wife is trying to show off her new hairstyle or nails.
12. Thank her for what she does
I don’t know why, but when we get comfortable with having people in our lives who do things for us, we overlook their effort.
Even if we don’t take them for granted, we adopt an expectant attitude, and that doesn’t do much to make our loved ones feel appreciated and cared for.
Regardless of how many times your wife has cooked a meal for you or cleaned up after the kids, acknowledge her effort and thank her for it.
Giving people their dues on a regular basis not only makes them feel appreciated, but it also encourages us to count our blessings.
I know for a fact that grateful husbands are willing to fight the world for their wives because they feel so blessed and lucky to have them.
Make it a habit to sincerely thank her for the things she does on a day-to-day basis, and watch how appreciated and good it makes her feel.
13. Defend your wife
If you want to have a good marriage, place respect at the very top of your list of priorities.
But sometimes, it’s not about how you treat your wife but how you respond to others treatment of her.
As a man, it is your duty to protect your wife. You don’t have to get into unnecessary fights, but you certainly have to be the one who enforces boundaries and defends her when she’s being disrespected.
Even if your wife is wrong, defend her by de-escalating the situation without undermining her or embarrassing her.
As long as you’re prioritizing her wellbeing, even with diplomacy, she’ll feel safe and loved around you.
More than anything, she’ll feel respected by you, and she’ll respect you as well.
Related article: Why you shouldn’t put your friends before your relationship
14. Apologize when you’ve upset her
I’m a man with an ego. It’s not easy for me to set aside my pride and apologize, but I’m also a man who wants to be loving, strong, fair, and just.
True weakness is the evasion of responsibility, while strong masculinity encompasses accountability and bravery.
You are not weak for taking ownership of your mistakes or misdeeds.
If you have upset your wife or emotionally upset her, be caring enough to acknowledge her feelings and apologize for your shortcomings.
I’m not asking you to shoulder all the responsibility for issues in the relationship.
But I am telling you to take responsibility for your actions.
It’s such an important action to take because, as leaders of a relationship, we want to show our spouses and our children what it means to be accountable and responsible for our actions.
It is affectionate to apologize to your wife when necessary.
She’ll appreciate the fact that you love her enough to set aside your pride and ego to do what’s right and fair.