During the early days of courtship, the worst thing you can do is come on too strong. You’ll scare away the guy or girl you’re trying to impress, even if they are highly attracted to you. People do way too much early on because they’re excited and slightly desperate. When you give away everything too soon, you devalue the worth of those things. That is why it’s important to take it slow. Match and mirror the other person to find the right pace. With that being said, let’s actually talk about the signs you’re coming on too strong.
How To Tell If You Are Coming On Too Strong
1. Lack Of Reciprocity
All relationships are a two-way street. What you do in the courtship may be different for men and women, but effort should match and mirror each other. If the other person seems uninterested or uncomfortable with the level of attention or affection you’re showing and doesn’t reciprocate, it could be a sign you’re coming on too strong and begging for love. You’re not giving them a chance to reciprocate feelings by constantly expressing your own and doing too much too soon.
2. Overwhelming Communication
Bombarding someone with messages, calls, or emails, especially if they’re not responding in kind or seem hesitant, can be a sign of coming on too strong. You need to have emotional control. Fight the temptation to blow up their phone every time they cross your mind. You shouldn’t be doing more than 50% of all the calling and texting. Keep that in the back of your mind at all times.
3. Ignoring Boundaries
Disregarding personal space or boundaries, whether physical or emotional, can make others feel uncomfortable and indicate that you’re coming on too strong. You’re trying to escalate the relationship too quickly and forcing things along at an unnatural pace. Boundaries are rarely ever crossed when you’re moving at a reasonable pace through the courtship. Try not to get attached too quickly, and you won’t have a problem with respecting boundaries.
4. Quick Progression
Moving too quickly in a relationship, such as by declaring strong feelings or making big commitments early on, can scare people. Women take longer to fall in love than men. But that doesn’t mean all men fall in love quickly. You have to judge the reciprocation of feelings on a case-by-case basis, and that can only be done if you’re not bombarding them with attention and effort.
5. Intensity In Interactions
Being overly intense or emotional in your interactions, especially in the early stages of getting to know someone, can be off-putting. Time and time again, I’ve seen close friends who are amazing people scare off potential partners because they’re being too intense with their feelings. Even if you feel desperate, try not to display that to potential partners. There’s no need to overcompensate because things will work out if they’re meant to.
6. Ignoring Social Cues
Not picking up on or disregarding social cues that indicate the other person needs space or isn’t ready for certain interactions can be a sign of coming on too strong. I don’t blame you for missing these cues. When people are so struck by love, it’s difficult for them to remain objective or perspicacious. At the very least, make a conscious effort to read a person’s body language, demeanor, and tone of voice to understand how they’re feeling in a particular situation.
7. Excessive Gifts Or Gestures
Showering someone with gifts, compliments, or grand gestures too soon or without considering their preferences can be overwhelming. Like I said earlier, you don’t need to overcompensate. The right person for you will recognize, appreciate, and fall in love with your character, not your grand gestures.
8. One-Sided Conversations
When I observe the beginning stages of most romantic relationships, there’s always enthusiasm from both parties. A clear distinction in frequency, length, and amount of texts or calls is a clear indicator of low interest on one side. Sometimes, this can occur when the other person can’t control themselves and constantly needs to talk. Approach most conversations like a game of tennis. When you hit the ball over the net, wait until the other person hits it back before you swing the racket again.
9. Seeking Constant Reassurance
Constantly seeking reassurance or validation from the other person can ruin all attraction because it indicates insecurity, desperation, and low self-esteem. You’re overinvesting and doing too much, which is causing these feelings of insecurity and neediness. Take a step back and try to find some balance before you proceed to court someone.
10. Ignoring Personal Needs
Neglecting your own needs and focusing solely on the other person is a telltale sign that you’re doing too much. Even if you’re falling madly in love with someone, do not neglect crucial areas of your life. Force yourself to gain control of your actions and get back to being as balanced as you can.