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20 Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Care About You!

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Friendships can be beautiful but some can be toxic. They can leave you feeling hurt and greatly disappointed, which is why it’s important that you familiarize yourself with the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. This information can help you repair the friendship or avoid it altogether.

A toxic friend will often disregard your feelings and make no effort to stay in touch or to support you during difficult times.

Someone like that isn’t worth your time and energy.

Life is too short and precious to be spent on people who don’t care about you.

Being surrounded by friends who care about you provides a family unit that can be relied on. Your friendships can help you grow into a better person.

Since our inner circle has a significant impact on our lives, it can determine how our life develops.

This is why it’s important to nurture friendships with people who care about us and to gravitate away from friends who doesn’t care about us.

With that being said, let’s get into this article on the signs your friend doesn’t care about you.

Related post: Can your boyfriend be your best friend?

Signs My Friends Don’t Care About Me

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1. Your friend doesn’t make an effort to see you.

All friendships require some degree of real-life experience to develop into something strong and meaningful. 

Friends who genuinely understand this concept and care about it will make an extra effort to see you when they can. 

Think about this for a second: wouldn’t you be excited to meet a friend who you genuinely care about? 

Why wouldn’t you want to see and enjoy the company of someone who has a place in your heart? 

So, if your friend doesn’t seem to make any effort to see you, it might be time to consider the reality that this is one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you. 

2. They only get in contact when they need something.

A real friend is someone who will always try to make time to communicate with you because it adds depth and value to their life. 

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All they want is your presence because you, as a friend, add so much of color and joy to their existence. 

That’s a real friend. 

Unfortunately, one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you is if they only reach out when they need help with something or to get something from you. 

Understandably, being friends with people comes with some degree of help and assistance. 

But, when this is the only basis for your friendship, then it may not be a friendship at all.

If you find yourself feeling as if you’re being used by your friend, it’s probably because you are. 

3. They don’t care about how you’re feeling.

Whether you’re a guy or woman, expressive or stoic, we all have emotions and we all need someone who cares enough about how we feel.

A good friend is someone who can fulfill that purpose for a lifetime without any strings attached. 

That’s how beautiful a good friendship can be. 

And it’s one of the signs that your friend cares about you. 

Whenever I’m in a terrible space in my life or going through an event that causes me undue stress and anxiety, I find solace in sharing my feelings with friends who care.

When they hear me out and share words of comfort and advice, I can tell by their demeanor, their words, and their eyes that they are genuinely concerned for me.

I can see the care in the words and actions. 

But, a friend who doesn’t care about you will probably ignore how you feel and focus on themselves because they’re self-absorbed.

4. They don’t support you during tough times.

Building on the last point, I can completely confirm that a friend who doesn’t care about you will not be there for you during dark days. 

They’re not too busy. They aren’t incapable. They just don’t care to support you during tough times because they’re not true friends.

They’ll always find some kind of excuse for why they can’t help you out or why they weren’t around for you.

However, when things are good or when they need something, then they’ll be knocking at your door or blowing up your phone on a regular basis. 

That level of hypocrisy is just a surefire sign that your friend does not care about you. 

5. Your friend leaves you out of hangouts and special occasions.

This one really hurts and it’s a common trope in all movies and books when depicting a friend who doesn’t care about you because it actually happens in real life. 

Very rarely is there an adequate and fair excuse for why you were left out of an event or hangout that your friend hosted. 

This is especially true when other friends were invited and you weren’t. If you’re upset about this, just know that you have every right to be.

6. They are insulting and rude to you.

Part of caring about someone is the desire to avoid hurting them.

As unavoidable as that may be, it’s not something a good friend would do intentionally.

However, a jealous or fake friend would have no problem being insulting and rude to you because they want to and enjoy it.

They are either insecure or envious of you which would explain why they are mean and hurtful. 

Sometimes it’s the most subtle jabs that sting the most.

Make a note of when your friend seems to do this and try to analyze whether they were being intentional or unintentional. 

What I’ve noticed is that when you achieve something great, look good or acquire something that they don’t have, they’ll find a way to undermine, insult or be rude to you while your real friends are showering you with real praise and adoration.

7. Your friend doesn’t consider your opinion or feelings.

What I mean by “not considering your opinion or feelings” is if your friend makes decisions that affect you, in big or small ways, without even bothering to find out whether you are okay with what they are doing. 

This is not only a sign that your friend doesn’t care about you but it’s also a sign that your friend doesn’t respect you.

I like to compare my actions towards the people I care about to the type of behavior I experience from a friend who seems to be acting poorly. 

If what they have done is something I would do and justifiably so, then I can excuse it. 

If not, then I tend to approach the situation from an objective perspective to decipher whether my friend just doesn’t give a damn about me or if they were just not being very considerate in that moment. 

8. They barely reply to your texts.

Are you the one who constantly texts first or keeps the conversation going while your friend responds with half-interested replies, if any at all?

This could be one of the many signs your friend doesn’t care about you.

Look, not everyone likes to chat all the time.

There are people who are genuinely poor at texting and that’s perfectly okay because they are completely great on a call and in person.

But, when a friend makes an effort with everyone else except for you, then this is not a good sign at all. 

9. They gossip about you.

Gossiping isn’t exactly a good trait but we’re all guilty of it from time to time.

When your friend tends to gossip about you to others, it might be cause for concern.

Someone who shares your private life with others and reveals secrets you confided in them is someone who actually doesn’t care about you because if they did, they would honor your right to privacy. 

The fact that they’re gossiping can be indicative of something more sinister like high levels of jealousy and envy. 

I would be far too afraid of gossiping about my close friends because I wouldn’t want to disrespect them in that manner or lose them over something like that.

I feel this way because I care about them. 

I’m sure you feel the same. So, keep that in mind when trying to decide whether your friend respects and cares about you or not. 

10. They ditch you for other people.

Imagine going out of your way to set up a meeting or hangout with your friend. The time is quickly approaching and you get a brief text from them canceling without much explanation or apologies. 

This would be rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. But, perhaps there was an emergency of sorts.

Then, it would be excusable and justifiable.

However, imagine you were ditched just because ‘your friend’ decided to hang out with other people instead of you.

If it happens one time, I’ll be upset but I’ll let it go.

If it were to happen again and again, then I would be incredibly upset because it would be proof that my friend doesn’t really care about me. 

If this is something you are experiencing, trust me, it’s not fair and it’s not right.

You should not allow that individual to disrespect you in that manner.

11. They don’t hold you accountable.

A friend who doesn’t care about you will never hold you to your word.

It may come across as being supportive or non-judgmental but in reality, they’re enabling your self-destructive behavior.

They opt to encourage your behavior with needless support rather than confront you and have difficult conversations with you for the sake of your overall happiness and future well-being.

Ever since I realized this, I have been able to pinpoint which of my friends were fake and which of my friends genuinely cared about me.

My life has drastically improved from spending more time around people who hold me to a higher standard.

Remember, we become the sum of the five closest people to us.

If we are surrounded by people who don’t want the best for us, we won’t become the best nor will we help them to become the best.

Instead of pretending and ignoring my toxic behavior, I’d rather be around people who call me out on it.

12. They allow other people to tarnish your reputation.

Can you truly trust someone who will keep quiet around people who are tarnishing your reputation?

I don’t think so.

True friendship is built on loyalty.

The whole point of being friends with someone is to have each other’s back.

To be appreciated, respected and understood for who you are. 

How can someone claim to care about you while they allow others to tarnish your reputation with lies or untrue stories?

At the very least, they should make you aware of what is being said about you in private.

I understand that there’s a time and place for everything. In some cases, it might not even be appropriate to refute a false narrative on behalf of another person.

That’s understandable.

But they should make an effort to inform you of what is being said about you.

If they don’t, then that’s just one of the many signs your friend doesn’t care about you.

13. They don’t keep their promises.

If someone cared about you, they would care about the promises they made to you.

As much as loyalty is a core tenet of friendship, so are honesty and reliability.

For a friendship to thrive, both parties should be able to trust that they will keep their word.

When everything goes to hell, the only thing that truly matters is your word.

I’m of the opinion that someone would only repeatedly break their promises if they didn’t fear the consequences of doing so.

In other words, they don’t care what happens as a result of their inconsistency and lack of reliability.

This means that they don’t care about the friendship.

If it was of high value to them, they would make an effort to keep their promises or make up for broken promises.

A lack of consistent effort can only be attributed to a lack of care.

14. They encourage you to do stupid things.

It’s one thing to be involved with friends who let you destroy your life and it’s another to be involved with friends who actively encourage you to ruin your life.

These are nefarious individuals masquerading as your friends.

They find joy, amusement and entertainment in watching you do stupid things that may or may not have detrimental consequences in your life.

The shocking thing about these friends is that they mask their true intentions behind words of support.

Because you care about them and wouldn’t do this to someone, you’re unsuspecting of their true intentions.

But, they don’t care about you, which is why they would sabotage you in this way.

Ignore their pretended declarations of platonic love, and instead consider whether their suggestions or behaviors are beneficial to you.

15. They make no effort to be nice to your family.

A friend who cares about you will care about your family.

The only exception is if you have painted a picture of your family that’s ugly and scary.

But, in every other case, your friend is going to make an effort to be nice to your family because they care about you.

And they know that you care about your family.

They will actively want to nurture good vibes and bonds with your family because it will help your friendship.

Their respect for you will often bleed over into respect for your family.

Doubt should be raised about them if they don’t respect your family or seem uninterested in trying to be cordial.

If they genuinely cared about you, they would make an effort with your family. They wouldn’t want to make life hard for you by creating bad vibes with your family unnecessarily.

16. They don’t attend any of your important events.

When something is near and dear to your heart, a friend who cares about you will make time to be a part of it.

A friend who doesn’t care about you will be dismissive and unavailable.

In fact, they will prioritize anything and everything else above celebrating important events that matter to you.

Unless they have something to gain from it, more often than not, they won’t be present.

17. They are disrespectful or derogatory around your spouse.

I am of the opinion that a friend should always be talking you up in the presence of your spouse or partner.

To get one up on you or to assert themselves in a better position in front of your spouse is demeaning, disrespectful and derogatory.

Your friendships should aid your relationships whenever they cross paths.

Being around a friend who is looking to win points with your partner is a friend you can’t trust. 

That’s also a sign your friend doesn’t care about you because they value the opinion of your partner over yours.

I remember a time when a friend of mine was commenting on a Facebook post that my ex had made.

She was clearly bantering with me and being playful. 

My “friend” participated at first and it was fine.

Then, his comments turned toward talking himself up and addressing my partner directly. Not just in a friendly way but in a flirtatious way while indirectly trying to talk me down.

What I also know about this friend is that he secretly believes that he’s better than me and the rest of our friend circle.

18. They try to get with your ex-partners.

Building on the last point, there’s an unspoken rule amongst good friends to stay away from each other’s partners or ex-lovers.

It’s weird and inappropriate, especially when you are supposedly a close or best friend.

What this usually implies is that your friend had an eye for your partner the entire time and was hoping that the relationship would end so that they can go after your ex.

This may not always be the case.

But, I would never get with my friend’s exes out of loyalty, respect and principle.

I want my friends to know that they can trust me no matter what.

There are plenty of people in the world to date. I don’t need to get involved with the one person that my friend had a relationship with.

I won’t even put myself in the position of getting close enough with a friend’s ex to develop feelings for them.

That’s not how I operate.

Also, I’ve dropped any friends who wouldn’t do the same for me.

19. They don’t ever pay you back.

Helping each other out is wonderful, even though a friendship isn’t dependent on whether or not you have the ability to help each other.

But, when you are always gracious to your friend and they don’t make an effort to pay you back, do they even care about you?

More importantly, do they even respect you enough to make an effort to at least pay you back in kind?

It’s not about the money.

It’s about effort and showing appreciation to someone who is kind and generous with you.

If you made an agreement with a friend to pay them back, you should care enough about your deals to pay them back.

You wouldn’t shortchange a creditor.

So, why would you not exercise the same amount of care and principle toward someone you care about?

20. They don’t do anything to care for you.

When last has your friend taken the time to just talk about you?

When have they called to check up on you randomly? 

When have they offered some words of support towards your hustle? 

Caring about someone is an active emotion.

To express your care is just as important as to feel it. 

Otherwise, people could claim to care about us and do absolutely nothing to show it. How does that care amount to anything other than serving them?

A friend who cares about you will take the initiative to make you feel cared for.

It’s not about grand gestures nor is it about spending money on each other.

Simple and caring gestures are all it takes to nurture a healthy friendship.

If you have to do all the work in your friendship, then I’m sorry to say this, but it’s one of the signs your friend doesn’t care about you.

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Key Takeaways

Having friends who don’t care about you can be really disheartening, especially when you care about them. 

But don’t let this leave a sour taste in your mouth.

There are countless good people out there who would make better friends and who would actually care about you.

I would recommend having a talk with your friends and letting them know how you feel.

This, in and of itself, could be very therapeutic and helpful in saving these friendships.

If they are unresponsive or cold towards you even after you communicate your feelings to them, then consider expanding your social circle.

Some of the best friendships come from meeting people at places or during events in that you have a mutual interest.

Spend some time on your hobbies, passions and interests in public.

Learn how to optimize your social skills and read books on making friends.

By growing as an individual, you’ll attract and gravitate towards people who are better quality friends.

With that being said, I hope this article on the signs your friend doesn’t care about you was insightful. Feel free to leave any questions you have in the comment section below.

16 thoughts on “20 Signs Your Friend Doesn’t Care About You!”

  1. Thank you this helped so much I’m 11 and I liked a girl who was my friend but I always text first and she responds lol, hahahaha, Gtg, ttyl, oop. And doesn’t really seem to care that much about something really bad that just happened to me

  2. This was so helpful but She’s great in real life, not so much in texts. What should I do?
    I have no experience with breaking friendships I’m only 11 what should I do?,

  3. I have a friend of over 20 years who is very upset with me because I did not answer his text. It goes deeper. He left a nasty message that was hurtful and mean. I am willing to accept what I have done wrong, but he will not speak to me. He also sent me back his Christmas present and said it meant nothing to him. It was vicious! Never have I experienced such venomous behavior from anyone, yet a good friend!

    1. Speak from the heart, apologize if you need to and then give them the space to decide whether they value the friendship enough to try and show up.

  4. I have a so called friend for many years. I tell her things and she cannot wait to tell this one person who happens to be a cousin of my neighbor and of course it get back to me. We all do it but some do it to extreme.

  5. i have a so called friend that only contacts me when she needs or wants something for years. Lately, I have consistently had less and less to do with her, and I feel good about it.

  6. I’m friend is 68.We go way back.I met her while married and we became friends decades ago.lm now opp and divorced she is married and retired and very wealthy.We broke our long friendship about 2 years ago over me borrowing a tiny bit of money from her that l did pay back.Now we are friends again but it seems only on her terms!She only texts me n never calls me.The other day l felt hurt and insulted by a text that she sent me.l had been saying l wish ld focused more on college when l was young.She said..
    “Some of us arent college material.”Really???Ima teacher.l got good grades in college.l felt like defending myself..but lm hurt.She seems to enjoy digs at my expense now!What can l text back to her that wouldn’t sound defensive?Thanks….

  7. This has been helpful information, for it seems that I am the one who calls or texts. What I find that hurts is my friend has to find time to
    Schedule me in on his to do list to find the time to just even text. To even read that back, makes me feel sad.

  8. I am starting too realize I had only fake friends from a very young age . Middle school this was all my friends and it just kept going till now and I am now 44 . Must be me as I only have one friend now as a adult and I get treated like a fake friend from him all the time . So I got a puppy and saying goodbye to the one friend I thought I had but in fact is so-called fake friend , not a friend at all ! I would rather one pup then 1000 fake friends !

    1. The only time my ‘friends’ text me is when they need help with something. They will often ask me for a favour and then disappear right after that.

  9. I tried to tell her how her actions make me feel less important but she just accussed of not knowing her and for making such wrong accusations now she blocked doesnt want to talk to me for a month now

  10. All my “friend” says to me in real life:

    1.) umm okay does it look like I care?

    But when has a problem with someone or something she runs to me and asks for money to wave in their faces and doesn’t give it back.

  11. My friends did not make any effort to see me and support me when I broke up with my boyfriend. For months, they were ignoring my calls and texts. It was the first time in my life to have a relationship and I had to go through all this break-up pain on my own. Adding the pain from realizing that my so-called friends do not care about me (after 15 years of friendship), I ended up feeling extremely sad and lonely. I discussed with them, but i could see in their eyes that they did not care at all. Their actions after that discussion confirmed my thoughts so i had to cut them off. 7 years later, I still carry this pain in my heart and have not been able to create a healthy social life.

  12. I genuinely wish more people were true because honestly I’ll be definite with you; should I care for someone that never cared?

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