When it comes to digital dating issues, being ghosted is probably one of the worst things we have to deal with. You get no closure and the feeling of powerlessness is painful. Perhaps, you feel the need to do something about the situation. That’s understandable. So, should you unfriend someone who ghosted you?
You should unfriend someone who ghosted you if it reflects your true feelings and prioritizes your own well-being above anything else. To create a zero-tolerance policy for disrespectful behavior in your life, it is of paramount importance to enforce consequences when someone violates your boundaries.
It’s difficult for me to think of a justifiable reason for being ghosted.
Even if there was a reason for it, the justification doesn’t match the reasoning, which is the problem I have with ghosting.
To avoid feelings of discomfort, the ghoster runs away from reality. In doing so, they dump the burden of suffering onto the other person, often unfairly. In almost every instance, “ghosting” appears to be disrespectful and inconsiderate.
You need to read this article: Who do avoidants ghost?
Why You Need To Unfriend Them
Would you be able to trust someone who suddenly disappears?
I’m not sure I would.
At some point or another, we have to create boundaries that protect our best interests.
If we allow someone who ghosts us to enter our lives when they please, what sort of message are we sending to the world and ourselves?
That we are not worthy of consistency and respect?
Once we begin to believe this narrative, nothing will stop us from entertaining people who have little to no interest in respecting us.
Without respect, there is absolutely no way for love to exist.
So, if you’re afraid of unfriending someone who ghosts you, keep in mind that they may never appreciate or value you because you’re allowing them to disrespect you.
Under normal circumstances, I would tell you that inaction is the perfect move in this situation. There’s nothing you can or should do because they left unannounced. Anything you say or do at this point has to be for you.
Trying to win them back is an absolute waste of your time, especially if you have done nothing to drive them away.
Being too available or caring is not reason enough for you to win them back.
If that is what drove them away from you, let them go altogether.
You should only be around people who have a high level of interest in giving their time, attention, and commitment to you.
In that way, your behavior is reciprocated, and you won’t have to deal with disrespect in the form of abandonment and deceit.
But I also understand the insatiable desire for closure. So, let’s talk about that.
You need to read this article: 10 Reasons why ghosters always come back
How To Give Yourself Closure After Being Ghosted
When someone makes a unilateral decision in a friendship or relationship, the other party is left feeling powerless.
Don’t we all grapple with anxiety and fear that stem from a lack of control and uncertainty?
What provides more uncertainty and a lack of control than being ghosted by someone you care about without any warning or explanation?
The only thing I can think of is death.
This isn’t a joke or something to be taken lightly.
People will convince you that being ghosted is just a part of life, especially in this digital age that we live in.
Just because something occurs frequently does not mean we should accept it or tolerate it.
This is when you get to make a decision on how to address this disrespectful behavior.
Either use inaction and let this person go altogether or close the door that allows them to come back altogether.
If you want closure by doing something to take back control of the situation, consider unfriending the person who ghosted you.
Make your boundaries clear and assign consequences to their actions by doing this instead of chasing them or lashing out at them.
Believe me when I tell you that chasing after someone who ghosted you is a mistake.
Even if you were able to convince them to come back, the amount of anxiety and uncertainty you will experience will ruin any interaction you have with them.
You will drive yourself crazy being around someone who is capable of cutting you off unexpectedly and without remorse, especially if you have to convince them to come back.
Eventually, they’ll leave again because things will never truly be the same.
They won’t truly respect or value you, and you won’t truly trust or respect them.
I know this because I’ve been on either side.
Many years ago, I was influenced by this developing culture to just disappear when things weren’t working out.
Thankfully, this was not the type of behavior that stuck, but when I did ghost someone, it was because I didn’t value them enough to endure the discomfort that comes from rejecting them.
I had to go back and make things right because it was a terrible thing to do, but I understood why it happened.
A lack of genuine respect or care coupled with a weak and disrespectful attitude led me toward a decision that was self-serving but emotionally hurtful to someone else.
This level of self-indulgence is dangerous, as is the lack of self-accountability.
Before this, I had been ghosted on and off by someone I really liked and valued.
I kept allowing them back into my life at first. In fact, I would even make an effort to get in contact with them because I didn’t understand why they would ghost me.
After being the perpetrator, I finally understood why I kept getting ghosted.
I allowed someone to disrespect me over and over again, which actually translated into encouragement for them to behave this way.
The only way to stop the cycle was to draw a line and close the doors of communication with them.
That person continues to reach out years later, hoping to get my attention, but I refuse to go down that road again because I respect myself enough to only allow people into my life who are respectful and moralistic.
It would not be easier for me to enforce my boundaries right now and to attract better-quality people into my life if I were unwilling to unfriend someone who ghosted me.
It’s not an easy thing to do early on because you care about this person.
I get it.
What we must divorce from our minds is the idea that we are only capable of caring for good people.
Sometimes, you could fall in love with people who lack the same morals and principles that you do.
Cutting them off or keeping them away from you may be the hardest thing to do.
But if you truly respect and love yourself, then it will be a necessary step in your journey.
You need to read this article: What to do when you’ve been ghosted
Before we conclude this article, I want to ask you a question. Would you rather deal with the pain of loneliness or the pain of being disrespected and devalued?
Sometimes, these are the only choices at your disposal and that is okay.
If you asked a much younger me, I probably would have chosen to be devalued and disrespected. Thankfully, with maturity and self-love, I would rather be alone and in my own company, where I am respected and valued, than to tolerate someone who diminishes my worth.
Ironically, when you reach this point, you start to attract people who would love to be around you all the time because you exude compassion, empathy, respect, and honesty.
Start by getting rid of toxic people from your life.
Close the door to someone who ghosted you and make space for the people who are worthy of your time.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on whether you should unfriend someone who ghosted you to be helpful and eye-opening. If you’d like to work with me through a difficult situation with someone, check out my services page for more information on how to get in contact with me.