Double texting used to be my kryptonite. I couldn’t handle being left on seen or waiting hours for a response. This was many years ago and I have to say, I don’t double text anymore because it never worked out well for me. Be that as it may, should you double text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
No, you should not double text a guy if he hasn’t replied unless you’re worried about him, he’s going through a personal crisis or loss or you have a genuine reason to contact him other than seeking validation and assurance.
However, if you want to send a double text to your partner or a guy who is genuinely interested in you to let him know that he’s on your mind and you’re missing him, then that is fine.
In fact, it’s actually quite sweet and loving.
Under the right circumstances, a double text of this nature can promote attraction, interest and closeness.
But, it depends on whether things between the two of you have been healthy and progressive.
If your desire to double text him stems from uncertainty, anxiety and a desire for assurance that he still likes you despite him being unavailable, disinterested or bored for a while, then you probably should not double text a guy if he hasn’t replied.
Essentially, what I’m trying to tell you is that double texting is never a good idea if you’re doing so from a space of desperation and extreme anxiety.
Related post: Should I double text my ex?
Why You Shouldn’t Double Text A Guy
1. It can make you look insecure or desperate
Typically, when I write articles like this, I advise people to avoid double texting frequently because you run the risk of coming across as desperate, needy or clingy.
What we know is that these traits are considered unattractive to people with a healthy dose of self-esteem and with a secure attachment style.
However, it’s not unattractive to men or women who are codependent as well as people with bad intentions or people who need constant validation because they’re insecure.
So, in other words, this behavior can attract the wrong type of partners for you specifically.
Let’s leave all that aside for a second and focus on something more important.
When you double text and it’s motivated by insecurity, anxiety and fear, you’re teaching your brain to act on these emotions.
Related post: Is double texting a turn off?
2. It will make you feel more fear and anxiety
The more you act on these emotions, the stronger they become because you are feeding them with actions that do not fix these internal issues.
From acting out in extreme and justifiable cases of insecurity, anxiety and fear, you’re going to act on every form of it.
These emotions are designed to help protect you but when they are fed uncontrollably, you’ll begin to experience them at the smallest of issues or situations.
In fact, you may start operating from a persistent state of insecurity, fear and anxiety to the point of losing all confidence, courage and security within yourself.
And what we know is that you attract what you fear.
So, in your fear of losing someone, you end up behaving in a manner that actually pushes them away.
For these reasons, I believe it isn’t a good idea to double text a guy if he hasn’t replied unless you’re doing so for practical reasons, out of genuine concern for him or from a healthy desire for him.
Related post: When you double text and they reply straight away
3. You’re rewarding bad behavior
Most of the time, the people who contact me with relationship or courtship problems often ask me about their texts.
What I always observe from their texts is a disproportionate amount of effort from them compared to the other person.
Look, nobody will treat you in a manner that you do not allow or encourage.
In other words, once someone does something that is either disrespectful, inconsiderate or incompatible with your needs, it’s your duty to draw a line and exert your boundaries.
You don’t have to fight with them.
On the contrary, you ought to remain calm, confident and composed.
But, you should vocalize your dissatisfaction with their behavior and withdraw some of your efforts if they are unwilling to try.
double texting a guy who hasn’t replied in hours or days and continues this behavior despite being available is disrespectful to your own needs.
You’re showing him that it’s okay to treat you like a low-priority individual because you will constantly chase him when he doesn’t make an effort to text you back.
That’s not something a self-respecting and self-loving person will do.
I’m not saying this to judge you at all.
I’ve been in this situation myself and I’m sure all of us will be in it at some point or another.
But, when you’re in the courtship phase or in a relationship, there’s an expectation for mutual effort.
You should not be in this predicament in a healthy relationship or courtship.
If you are, match and mirror his effort until he starts to show up.
If he doesn’t, well then you’ll know exactly where you stand with this guy and you’ll be happy to have not chased him.
Related post: How to make a guy regret ghosting you
4. Space is healthy for attraction and desire
For some reason, I struggled to grasp this concept in my teens and early 20s.
I kept assuming that constant effort and presence were needed to keep a relationship happy and healthy.
But, it never really panned out that way.
My effort and presence would work well for some time but slowly, over time, it started to have an adverse effect.
Too much of a good thing can be bad.
After two failed long-term relationships, I realized that I was operating from a space of insecurity and fear.
You don’t need to always be working on your relationship.
If anything, you shouldn’t have to work on it much at all.
What you should be working on is you and your partner should be doing the same.
This means, that you spend time on your own every day to level up as a person. Chase your career, develop your strengths, overcome your weaknesses, learn something new, pray to God, experience life and spend time with your friends and family.
Then, come together with your partner and share all the value and growth you received from doing all those other things.
Support each other during rough times but also during good times.
Support doesn’t always mean that you have to be present at all times.
It can be supportive to give your partner some time to work on themselves on a day-to-day basis.
When you’re spending this time away from each other, it’s going to create and nurture desire and attraction.
Then, when you get together, you express this desire and attraction in a manner that nurtures love and closeness.
Rinse and repeat.
Perhaps, he’s busy at work right now or you’ve both spent so much time with each other days prior.
It’s okay to wait and be patient for him to get back to you.
I’m sure he’ll reply to you within the day and things will return back to normal.
If he doesn’t, well then that will give you a better idea of where things are at.
Either way, chasing him with double texts isn’t going to fix the problem.
Related post: What does it mean if he hasn’t replied in 3 hours?
I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t entertain someone who makes me overthink things like this because I know that I’m generally a secure and confident person.
So, if I’m in a situation of feeling a need to double text, it’s probably because I’m dealing with someone who is doing something to make me feel insecure or threatened.
And if that’s the case, well then, I don’t see how this person can be right or good for me.
But, I’m also not someone to jump the gun so I exercise patience.
I don’t fall off the deep end if I haven’t received a reply from someone for a few hours, especially when I know that the other person is working or busy.
What I’m getting at is that you need to determine whether you’re going through an insecure and fearful phase because you’re dealing with some internal issues or you’re dealing with someone who is acting in a manner that creates these feelings in you.
Either way, I would suggest that you deal with the cause of the problem rather than the symptom, which are these feelings.
Trust me, when you meet the right person for you, these uncertain phases may appear but they’ll usually be rewarded with a positive and exciting result.
Things will escalate instead of de-escalating.
You’ll end up closer to each other rather than far apart.
Think of all the times you had a successful courtship or relationship and tell me whether I’m wrong about this.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on whether or not you should double text a guy if he hasn’t replied to be helpful, practical and insightful. If you would like to share your thoughts or questions with me on this topic, please go ahead and leave a comment down below.