When all you can think about is an ex, it feels like your entire life is ending without them. You may be feeling immense desperation to get him or her back. Popular media will have you believe that pursuing your ex constantly is the way to get them back. But, this begs the question, should you be chasing after an ex or not?
Absolutely not! You should not be chasing after an ex who dumped you because it undermines your self-worth and dignity. In order to be attractive, one must possess a high degree of self-worth and self-respect. Sacrificing yourself in the pursuit of an ex will only devalue your worth in their eyes, resulting in further rejection and humiliation.
I want you to be honest with yourself, when have you ever deemed someone worthy of your love and affection if they had no self-respect and dignity?
The reason for this is simple.
We only develop feelings of fondness and desire for things and people we respect.
People talk about physical attraction, wealth, status, loyalty and power but they often overlook respect.
All of those attributes add to or diminish respect.
So, at the very epicenter of love and attraction is respect.
Let’s be honest, people we respect appear to be more valuable to us.
Their time, effort, companionship and affection are valuable because it is underpinned by respect.
When you reward someone for discarding you and the value that you bring to the relationship, you are throwing away self-respect.
This directly results in a loss of respect within your ex.
Well, if what you had to offer was so valuable, you wouldn’t have it to them when they threw it away, now would you?
For this reason, it is detrimental for you to chase after an ex who dumped you.
Now, this is completely contingent on the idea that you have not behaved in a manner that has rendered the relationship irrevocably damaged.
In other words, if you haven’t cheated, lied or deceived, then what I’m saying to you applies.
However, if you have behaved in a disrespectful and deceitful manner, none of this applies to you because the loss of respect has already occurred.
It’s an even harder battle for you to get an ex back but walking away will just solidify their stance altogether.
In this scenario, you have to continuously try to earn back their respect and trust without the guarantee of ever being given another chance at actually winning them back.
You can’t do that without chasing, unfortunately.
It’s up to you whether you’re willing to stick around to even win back any respect or good grace with your ex.
Be that as it may, chasing may not be a good idea in any regard because it’s overwhelming and suffocating.
Related post: Can you get your avoidant ex back?
Reasons Why You Should Not Chase After Your Ex
My philosophy for healthy relationships is to love in a manner that allows the other person to feel free.
With that being said, let’s go over a few reasons why you should not chase after an ex.
- It diminishes your self-respect and self-worth.
- You’re rewarding someone for disregarding your worth and value.
- It’s suffocating and too forceful.
- It doesn’t give your ex an opportunity to miss you.
- Chasing amounts to uneven investment.
- You may react erratically and ruin your chances of getting your ex back.
- You’re negotiating from a position of weakness.
- You risk getting rejected or friendzoned.
I believe that there’s another reason why you shouldn’t chase your ex and it’s probably the most important.
It provides your ex with a backup plan.
By sticking around and trying to get your ex back, you’re creating the perfect situation for him or her to explore their options while keeping you in the background as a backup plan in the event that they end up lonely or unable to meet someone else.
Do you really want to be a second option?
I certainly do not.
You have to be the first person willing to bet on yourself.
People are only going to repeatedly treat you in a way that you allow them to.
In this case, you should not enable your ex to undermine your value by chasing after them.
Let’s be honest, unless you ruined the relationship, your ex only dumped you because he or she feels that they can find someone better than you.
Giving them your time and energy is an absolute waste of time and a personal betrayal.
If they’re leaving and ending the relationship then it should go without saying that they should come back on their own and do most of the work to start the relationship again.
Related post: How to make a girl chase you by ignoring her
Before you continue reading this article on should you be chasing after an ex or not, I want to let you know about the success my readers have had at getting their ex back after reading my book. They didn’t have to chase their ex or do anything ridiculous! Listen, if you’re tired of getting rejected, ghosted or dumped, you NEED to grab a copy of it like most of my readers have by Clicking Here.
What Should I Do After A Breakup?
Your number one focus should be to heal.
This means different things to different people but I’m going to share a universal definition of healing after a breakup.
To recover from loss and to find enough peace and joy as a single person.
All breakups suck.
Even the ones that are agreed upon or without any hope for reconciliation.
Closure doesn’t offer much when it comes to pain immediately after a breakup.
When you have lost someone you love, there’s a huge gaping hole in your life that’s bleeding. You have to treat this wound by stopping the bleeding, cleaning the wound, getting rid of any dirt or shards that may be stuck in the wound, applying an ointment, bandaging it and regularly checking up on it.
This is a slow process that requires a lot of self-care and patience.
The first few days are the hardest as the shock starts to wear off.
In time, reality sets in and you experience a different kind of pain.
I remember after my most recent breakup, there was a calm before the storm. I’d felt some relief when the immediate drama surrounding my split came to an end.
I was calm and felt like I could focus on healing.
But, it didn’t last long before I spiraled and experienced the deep pain of grief.
You’ll say and do things during this time that is imperfect. Don’t be harsh on yourself during this time and do not hold yourself, hostage, to these choices during a difficult time in your life.
You’ve got enough pain to deal with, adding on more regret and judgment will not help.
Then, you need to surround yourself with someone who truly cares about you, preferably a close friend or family.
The next part is the hardest and most important, let go of your ex.
This may require you to initiate no contact but do so with the intention of moving on and healing.
Anything else and you’re just prolonging your suffering and pain.
If during the first few days after the breakup, you beg and plead with your ex to take you back, it’s okay.
But, try to avoid this behavior afterward and focus on adjusting to life without him or her.
Prepare yourself to feel pain and you’ll manage it a bit better than if you approach it ignorantly.
Now that you have all this pain, channel it towards self-improvement.
You don’t have to do any of this for the first few weeks but you should get into self-improvement as soon as the shock wears off and you face reality.
There will be times when it feels pointless and meaningless but that’s when it matters most to show up for yourself.
Go into this day after day.
Over time, you’ll rebuild confidence and self-belief.
- You’ll develop a new routine for yourself with fewer reminders of your ex.
- You’ll put in place systems that help you to deal with returning feelings of loss and sadness.
- You’ll start to connect with good people around you.
- Your body will improve.
- You’ll make more money.
- You’ll start to look healthier and happier.
- You’ll socialize with new people and you’ll start to design a better life and version of yourself.
Months will pass and you’ll slowly transition from the breakup to your new version of life and single status.
Eventually, it will change altogether and you’ll think of yourself as a single man or woman looking for your next relationship rather than someone who has been dumped.
At that point, you’ll be confident and excited again.
This is usually when your ex will reach out.
Trust me, it happens all the time and you’re going to be taken aback by it.
But, you’ll also be in the best possible position to surprise your ex with a new and improved version of yourself.
Alternatively, you’ll meet the next best love of your life.
And you would have done all of this without having to chase your ex at all!
Related post: When you stop caring she starts chasing you
Believe me when I tell you that I completely understand what you’re going through right now.
But, you have to be brave, courageous and self-caring during this time.
Be willing to let go, not lose, but let go of someone who has chosen to walk away from you.
It will hurt for some time but you will learn so many lessons about love and life during this time that are crucial for your future happiness.
There’s a silver lining to every painful situation.
With the right attitude, you’ll always find those reasons to heal and to be hopeful.
In saying that, I hope you found this article on whether or not you should be chasing after an ex to be impactful and eye-opening. If you would like to get my help on reattracting your ex, please head over to my services page for more information by clicking here.