Should men pay for dates or is this an antiquated idea that has no place in this modern day and age? Opinions are largely divided between people. There are pros and cons to either argument but in today’s article, I’m going to share an answer that resonates best with me.
Yes, men should pay for dates because it is a fair exchange for value. The time, effort and work that a woman puts into preparing for a date is much more than what a man has to do. Furthermore, it is the masculine prerogative to provide and as such, men should be responsible to pay for dates.
Understandably, this is considered a hot take right now.
But, not more than a few decades ago, it was an absolute given that men were the providers and it was an unspoken rule for men to pay for dates.
Granted, women are more financially independent these days but does it mean that they should holster the masculine responsibility in a relationship?
I don’t think so.
I think these roles or archetypes in a relationship are important. They create the necessary freedom for men and women to lean into their masculinity and femininity in a manner that nurtures attraction, desire and love.
As much as opinions are divided on this topic, we can be realistic and fair. If men pay for dates, they should have control over the locations chosen for such dates.
In other words, they should have the choice and right to choose a date, location or activity that fits within their financial abilities.
They shouldn’t be shamed or forced to pay for extravagant dates if they cannot afford to.
You need to read this article: Who pays for the first date?
The Main Reasons Why Guys Should Pay For Dates
Look, you’re not caged into this way of thinking.
There’s nothing wrong with splitting the bill on dates. If you’re going out with a man who is dealing with some financial issues right now, it’s okay to support the relationship by paying for dates.
That is admirable of you as a woman.
If you’re a guy reading this article, you ought to be with the kind of woman who won’t just bail on you for something like this.
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We should all strive to be the kind of partner’s who are supportive of our loved ones during times of hardship or struggle.
But, at the same time, we should not usurp certain roles that would lead to us being taken advantage of.
I have talked to countless women who have insisted on paying for dates and most of them share the same experience.
Eventually, they end up with a man who takes advantage of their financial kindness and uses them as a crutch to be lazy, undisciplined and immature.
The last thing a woman wants to do is be a babysitter for a man.
Even if she does it, that scenario will destroy all sexual desire and the relationship will eventually fail.
So now, she’s responsible for all emotional needs, all the financial needs and all the physical needs in the relationship.
What’s there for the man to provide?
How is that a relationship built on mutual effort to serve both people?
There’s a huge difference between supporting a man who is going through a difficult phase in his life versus a man-child who is lazy and irresponsible.
Women, if you are reading this, be sure that you are not wasting your time with a man who falls into the latter category.
It is not your job to make a man out of him.
Perhaps, this is a good reason for why you should let a man pay for the first date, at the very least.
Knowing that he can take care of himself is a crucial test that he needs to pass.
Thereafter, you can try to meet him halfway by contributing for future dates.
Look, even if you don’t end up paying for dates, you can always find other ways to spoil him.
Buy him gifts, surprise him with clothing items you’d like for him to wear, plan a special outing for him every once in a while and spoil him.
Alternatively, if he’s paying for dinner, you can pay for dessert. If he’s paying for an activity or event, pay for the snacks. You can always find ways to contribute to the experience while allowing him to still lead the relationship.
You need to read this article: How many dates should a guy pay for?
Poor Men Refuse To Pay For Dates
When I say ‘poor’, I’m not referring to men who don’t have money.
I’m talking about men who are lacking or poor in conviction, commitment, hard work and ambition.
Lazy or selfish men have a problem with paying for dates.
I don’t mean this to be insulting.
I’m just being as literal as I possibly can.
I have interviewed and researched the opinions of men who don’t want to pay for dates or who don’t want to shoulder all the responsibility of running a household.
9 out of 10 times, those men are lazy, unambitious, selfish or defeated.
They’ve chosen to mask these things under the banner of progressive thinking and equality or feminism.
But, if you really dig beneath the surface and measure these men against higher standards of accomplishments and masculinity, they’re all falling behind significantly.
The problem isn’t with their circumstances but with their mind and attitude.
The reason why I can say this is because I have been broke in my life. I was raised in a household that had absolutely zero financial security. The cards were stacked against me but not once did I ever adopt the mindset of defeat.
Practically, there were times when I probably couldn’t pay for a date but I planned around it or I was honest.
I always believed that it was my responsibility to pay for dates and that I will eventually rise to the occasion.
I could have adopted the mindset these guys did but I didn’t. Adopting that mindset would have made me feel like I was giving up on myself or being lazy.
Other men who have been through a similar story have echoed the same sentiments as I have.
As a man, if you can’t even afford to pay for a date, how do you plan on paying for a family of your own?
Perhaps, instead of dating, you should be focusing on building financial stability for yourself and then enter the dating scene.
The little money you have could be directed more productively and more fruitfully until you’re in a better space to be dating women.
Evidently, there’s a greater importance to men paying for dates.
Pressure makes diamonds.
Men need healthy amounts of pressure and responsibility to develop into the best possible people they can be.
You need to read this article: Why won’t he let me pay for anything?
Final Thoughts
I think it’s a good idea to entertain different perspectives and adopt the one that works best in your life.
At the end of the day, what matters more than financial arrangements is communication skills and character.
You could be with a man who is financially rich but mentally and emotionally bankrupt. On the flip side, you could be with a man who doesn’t have much money but is abundant in romance, love, conversation, chemistry and intelligence.
If you’re really lucky, you’ll find a man who has the best of both worlds.
Trust me when I say that I understand the importance of working out financial issues early on.
Left unaddressed, it becomes a problem that can ruin an otherwise wonderful relationship.
Be open minded, be fair and see how things play out on a case by case basis.
When two people are committed to serving a relationship and giving, it’s easy to navigate these types of situations.
You’ll figure out what works best eventually.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on whether or not men should pay for dates to be helpful. If you have a question or thought that you’d like to share with me on this topic, please do so by leaving a comment below.