When meeting new people, you have to pivot and remain flexible to accommodate their different approaches and paces to make plans. But, sometimes, it can feel as if nothing is happening and you’re wasting your time. Perhaps, you’re trying to figure out whether or not you should wait for him to make plans or if you should take matters into your own hands or walk away. Here’s what you need to know.
Should I wait for him to make plans? No, if it’s evident that he cares about you and he’s moving too slowly, there’s nothing wrong with suggesting that he take you out and help him to make plans. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship and there’s no harm in nudging him in the right direction, especially if he’s inexperienced.
The issue of coming on too strong arises when you try to make plans from the very beginning.
It is a man’s duty to plan and facilitate dates. Something as simple as having a coffee date for the first time isn’t complicated.
He should have the confidence, courage and leadership capabilities to at least plan the first meeting.Â
I’m sure that you are reaching out to him first and exchanging texts frequently in hopes of him asking you out.
Experienced men understand that this is usually a woman’s way of creating an opportunity for a guy to date and court her.
If he isn’t using these opportunities to ask you out and plan dates, then we need to examine the possible reasons why he won’t make plans.
It could be chalked down to fear and inexperience or it could indicate low interest, laziness and ulterior motives that do not involve having a relationship with you.
I’ll be brutally honest with you, most women who put up with men who fail to make plans eventually feel unappreciated, unloved and fed up.
Those relationships never feel quite fulfilling and they struggle to lean into that feminine role because they have to compensate for their partner.
You aren’t going to be happy with someone like this because it only gets worse with time.
If he can’t even muster up the enthusiasm and effort to court you properly right now, what is going to happen after the honeymoon phase?
That’s something to consider before handing over your heart to a man.
Now, all this is true under the assumption that this isn’t a man who is just inexperienced or afraid.
If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out!Â
There’s a strong chance that if he is one of those two things, if not both, he’ll improve with time.
All he needs is some direction and he’ll figure out how to court and date you correctly.Â
You need to read this article: What should I do if I want a relationship and he doesn’t?
How Long Should You Wait For Him To Make Plans?
At most, I would wait for about a month since exchanging numbers and chatting back and forth before cutting my losses and walking away.
Depending on your comfort level, the number of texts or calls exchanged between each other and the distance between the two of you, the period in which you may wait for him to make plans will vary.
It could be shorter or it could be slightly longer.
Also, a busy man who has to travel for work or business may not be available within the first two or three weeks after getting in contact with you.
It would be premature to leave and close all communication without giving someone at least a couple of weeks to make plans with you.
When there’s an issue, you’ll get a feeling of doubt about whether he’s into you or not because it has been a significant amount of time and he hasn’t made any plans.
Not making plans is one thing but showing a lack of interest in communicating, appearing bored, spending loads of time online without texting you back frequently and remaining flakey about his schedule are all telltale signs of a guy who is not going to take you seriously.
What I would suggest is bringing up the idea of seeing him and hanging out.
Think of it as a test to see if he’s fearful and inexperienced or uninterested and messing around.
A fearful or inexperienced guy will be excited that you are showing interest in wanting to hang out. To a guy like this, he will be petrified of being rejected or coming on too strong and chasing you off.
So, he’ll play it super careful and cautious to his own detriment.
But, once you express interest in seeing him, he’ll jump at the opportunity to see you and it will reflect in his responses to you.
A guy who is not serious about being with you, who is uninterested, who has ulterior motives or who is messing around will beat around the bush.
He’s here to waste your time, get some action without strings attached or he’s here for validation and attention.
It’s important to decipher between these types of guys so that you can decide on who is worth your time and who isn’t.
What you don’t want to do is give months of your life to someone who won’t make an effort to make plans.
That’s a waste of your time unless it’s a long-distance situation.
In that case, he should at least be video-calling you for dates often and have a plan in mind for when the two of you can spend time with each other in real life.
It should be definite, clear and reasonable or else you’ll waste years of your life on someone who is only looking for a relationship online and nowhere else.Â
You need to read this article: Should men pay for dates?
Should You Make The Plans?
Honestly, I don’t think this is a good idea.
As much as I feel like you don’t have to wait for him to make plans, that doesn’t mean you should be the one to do it.
Instead, you can bring up the idea of spending time together and meeting.
That’s where your input should stop.
Create a super easy opportunity for him to make plans with you.
I feel like men don’t value people who come easily, even if you are a wonderful person. There’s something about scarcity that breeds value.
When guys feel like they have to work for something, there’s a greater sense of respect for it.
What we know about respect is that love cannot exist in a place without any respect.
Then, there’s the issue of moving at a pace that’s too fast or coming on too strong.
The last thing you want is to create the impression that you’re desperate to see him and be with him.
Just to confirm, I’m saying no to you making plans but I’m saying yes to you bringing up the idea of making plans with him.
If he doesn’t make plans with you after this, do not bring it up again.
You need to read this article: The kind of girl guys regret losing
Final Thoughts
I know that it can be frustrating to deal with situations like this when trying to meet someone new but it’s just part of the game.
Don’t let it diminish you or hinder you from living your life and seeking out love.
The right person is going to either show up in the right way or make the right changes to push the courtship into something more serious and fulfilling.
All you can do is help a guy along the way to court and date you properly.
The rest is left to him.
It’s never a healthy idea to carry an entire relationship when you’re supposed to have a partner who plays their part correctly.
You should wait for him to make plans for a short while or try to bring it up with him and create an opportunity for him to make plans with you.
But, that’s about it.
When you feel like it’s a waste of time and he’s not going to, then it’s time for you to bounce and let him go because he’s not worth your time and effort.
If he shows an improvement as each day passes, then give him more of a chance to escalate things.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on whether or not you should wait for him to make plans to be helpful and practical. If you’d like email coaching to fix a dating or relationship problem, feel free to check out my service page for more information and get in contact with me.