Have you noticed how our minds naturally assume that once we break up with someone, we’ll never communicate with them again? This can cause a great deal of anxiety and pain. But, that’s not how people work and before long, you receive a text from him. Now, you’re stuck with the following question, should I text my ex back or ignore him?
It completely depends on what you want. If you are open to being friends or you have a desire to reconnect with your ex, then you should text him back. If your goal is to move on and leave the relationship in the past because it’s no longer healthy for you, then it might be best for you to ignore him.
During those few weeks or months after a split, your mind will play all sorts of tricks on you.
The mental gymnastics you’ll perform to convince yourself to be in contact with your ex will be incredible, even though you know that it’s not a good idea.
That’s completely natural and we all go through this, whether you’re the dumper or dumpee.
But, before replying, you absolutely need to consider all the factors at play because if you don’t, you risk digging at a scab that was healing and undoing all your hard work to recover and move on.
You may also find yourself stuck in a toxic situationship that drags on for months or years which ends up ruining your life or preventing you from meeting the next person you are supposed to have a love story with.
On the flip side, ignoring your ex may result in losing that last chance at reconciling or finding out whether there’s any hope of healing from whatever issues you’ve both dealt with.
I don’t blame you for being confused but you must take the time to consider all of these factors in order to make a decision that you don’t regret.
With that being said, let’s take a deeper look into whether or not you should text your ex back or ignore him.
Related post: Why is my ex texting me after dumping me?
When you should text him back
1. You want him back
If an ex reaches out to you after a breakup, either weeks or months after you broke contact with each other, there’s a chance that they were missing you and interested in reconnecting.
Sometimes, their intention could be to just catch up or see where you’re at but the only way for you to truly find out is by replying to him.
He’s initiating the conversation and so replying to him will have absolutely no effect on your image as a person.
You don’t have to worry about looking needy or desperate because he’s the one who texted you.
I will advise you to take some time to think about it before replying. Be sure that you are willing to deal with him wanting you back or him not wanting you back.
If you’re detached from any specific result or expectation then I think you’re in a good enough space to text him back without it affecting you poorly/
2. He’s trying to collect valuables or arrange a schedule for the kids
Avoid the unnecessary drama by facilitating appropriate schedules for him to collect his stuff and to pick up the kids if the two of you are navigating a split/divorce
Understandably, this can be quite difficult to deal with when you’re trying to process the breakup and deal with your emotions.
You have certain responsibilities and I know that you want to make things as easy for your kids as humanly possible.
Here’s what I say to people who are trying to do no contact but have to communicate with their ex on matters such as this.
Keep your texts short, simple and to the point.
If it has nothing to do with the kids or certain arrangements, don’t be texting back and forth.
3. You’ve made peace with the past
As you probably know, it takes a lot of work to let go of the past and heal from trauma.
You have to fight to earn back the peace and happiness you so desired.
But, once you do, it’s highly possible that you come to the realization that the two of you were not meant to be together for a lifetime.
Coming to that understanding could free up some space to communicate with him from time to time and share a respectful interaction.
It could be quite therapeutic and heartwarming to have someone you cared about wish you the best and check up on you from time to time while doing the same for them.
Related post: Why being single is good for you
4. He’s a good person with good intentions
We shouldn’t be having this conversation at all if he’s a toxic, abusive and shameless man who treated you like trash.
When you implement a zero-tolerance policy for toxic people, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who add peace and joy to your life instead.
Not all relationships end because of betrayal or abuse.
Sometimes, circumstances and incompatibility may ruin a relationship but that doesn’t mean you or your ex were bad for each other.
If he’s a good person with good intentions, he wouldn’t be texting you in hopes of causing drama in your life so that makes it a lot easier for you to text him back instead of ignoring him.
A simple reply could mend some fences and make it easier for the two of you to keep moving forward in your lives separately.
5. You both sincerely want to be just friends
Typically, my advice to someone who was dumped is to avoid being friends with your ex if they hurt you terribly, if they’re bad or if you want them back.
You should never agree to be friends with an ulterior motive to get your ex back because it’s a rarely successful maneuver.
However, if you are accepting of the decision to split and the two of you have a genuine desire to be friends because you add good things to each other’s lives, then you reply to his text.
You don’t always have to go no contact with someone you were dating.
It all depends on the circumstance of the breakup, intentions and quality of character.
Related post: Should you be friends with someone who dumped you?
When you should ignore him
1. You don’t want him back
What’s the point of replying to his text if you’re not interested in exploring a relationship with him?
Whether he dumped you or you dumped him, if you’re certain that there’s no desire to have him in your life then you would be doing the both of you a service by just ignoring him and letting him move on.
I would actually say that it’s the kind thing to do if you feel like replying to him will only cause him pain or disappointment.
And if he has been resistant to the breakup and reasoning with him was a failure, then perhaps ignoring him is your only option.
2. You’re struggling to move on
Let me tell you something, one of the hardest things you can do is move on from a failed relationship.
This is especially true if you were dumped or cheated on.
You’re dealing with a host of emotions that can be consuming and detrimental to your mental and physical health.
By communicating with him, you’re going to trap yourself within this circle of misery because nothing is going to change.
It would be healthier for you to just ignore his text and focus on your own healing instead.
You’re going to struggle to do so but if you manage to leave him alone, you’ll feel a sense of relief and strength for being able to do what’s right for you rather than what’s easy for you.
Related post: Should I stop texting him?
3. He’s toxic for you
You should have no space in your life for men who are toxic, abusive, untrustworthy, manipulative and deceitful.
They won’t change, despite the countless promises and claims that they’re going to do things differently going forward.
I’m willing to bet that you’ve heard these things before and each time you give him a chance, you end up back where you started.
You deserve someone who is going to add joy, happiness, loyalty, commitment and peace to your life.
Don’t settle for someone who is going to destroy you because the pain of loneliness caused by him feels overwhelming right now.
This too shall pass.
Don’t make decisions when you’re desperate or when you’re negatively emotional because it will lead you down a dark path.
4. He’s breadcrumbing you
What you’ll find is that an ex who has dumped you may come back every so often to check up on you.
They’ll appear to be caring and they’ll express what looks like some attraction and interest.
But, as you start embracing this and opening up to them by expressing your feelings, desires and interest, they will back off.
Suddenly, they’ll turn cold or start ignoring you and it will confuse you.
You see, his intention may not be to get back together at all. You didn’t do anything wrong by expressing interest.
The reason he reacts this way is that he was looking to get his ego stroked.
He wanted to know that he could have you if he wanted and that provides him with a sense of comfort as he entertains other women.
Breadcrumbing is the equivalent of dangling a carrot in front of you.
He wants you to stay focused on him without actually having a genuine interest to be with you.
It’s selfish and a complete waste of time for you to reply to him.
Related post: Why is my ex checking up on me?
5. You don’t want to be friends
Earlier, I mentioned that it’s okay to text your ex if you want to be friends with him and he wants the same.
But, if you don’t feel that way because you’re incapable of seeing him as a friend or you think it’s inappropriate to be friends with someone you had a romantic relationship with while talking to someone else, then don’t do it.
Look, at a certain point, you’re going to meet someone else and fall in love.
You won’t have time for your ex and you should be focusing on your new relationship.
So, I don’t blame you for not wanting to be friends with your ex.
This is a lot better than pretending or faking a desire to be friends with someone.
You would only be wasting his time and your time.
I just want you to leave this article with the intention of making the right decision for your own well-being and happiness.
I know how excited or scary it can be to receive a text from your ex.
This is someone you thought about for so long and shared a deep relationship with.
But, you can take some time to figure out what’s the right thing to do for you.
If he’s a good guy and if his intentions are to reconnect with you, I don’t think waiting a day or two for your reply will hinder him.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on “Should I text my ex back or ignore him” to be insightful and helpful. If you would like to share any questions or thoughts on this subject with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.