Navigating relationships in this day and age can be complicated at times, especially online. It’s tempting to blow up his phone with texts and calls when you don’t hear from him for a while or he seems to be losing interest but that may not be the best idea. This begs the question, should I text him or wait?
If it’s only been a few hours or a day since he last replied to you, then you should not text him and wait for another day. However, if you haven’t texted him and he was the last one to initiate contact then you should text him.
The way to approach texting him is to assume that you’re playing a digital game of tennis or volleyball.
When you hit the ball over to his side of the court, the normal thing to do is wait for him to hit the ball back to you.
There may be times when you can take another shot but thereafter, if he doesn’t hit the ball back to you then you simply should not try again.
Communication is a two-way street, especially in the case of a romantic relationship or courtship.
Be that as it may, I understand that not hearing back from him can cause you some degree of anxiety or confusion because of the uncertainty that is created by his silence.
So, what I’d like to do is provide a few reasons why you should wait and not text him yet.
I’ll also include a few situations when it may be appropriate for you to text him instead of waiting for him to reach out to you.
The one thing that I require from you is some degree of objectivity or fairness.
Compare your situation to the reasons and situations down below and fairly judge whether you should reach out and text him or wait.
Be honest with yourself and don’t just listen to the burning desire to text him to quell your anxiety or fear.
With that being said, let’s take a quick look at all the reasons or situations why you should not text him and wait.
Reason Why You Should Not Text Him
1. It hasn’t been more than a few hours since his last text to you
Patience is a virtue that will serve you well in a relationship. I like to think of this in the same way I do with arguments or fights.
If you chose to argue or fight without discretion, you’d be in a constant state of battle with everyone.
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That’s why it’s so important to pick your battles because not every small issue has to be blown out of proportion.
Similarly, you don’t have to be texting all the time or checking up on him constantly when he doesn’t reply to you for a few hours.
It’s unnecessary and overwhelming, especially if he isn’t accustomed to it, doesn’t know you well enough as yet and is actually looking for some space to work on his business, job or goals.
Far too many people get hung up on texting all the time but keep in mind that attraction when you spend time with someone and when you are apart from them.
The time apart from each other creates space that allows the two of you to think about each other to the point of missing each other.
Give him a few hours and if he hasn’t replied to you in more than 24 hours and that seems unnatural to you, then reach out to him in a casual manner.
If your double text goes unanswered and you see him online then obviously that is a sign of concern.
But, it’s also a good test to see where you stand with him in regards to how interested he is in talking to you.
Related post: Why won’t he text me?
2. He’s extremely busy right now
As an adult, he’s bound to encounter situations at work or in his personal life that dictate the need for all of his attention.
But, only for a short period of time.
There’s really no excuse for a man who is always too busy to text you, especially if he’s only contacting you with selfish desires (if you get what I mean).
What you need to consider is whether this sudden disappearance or lack of replies is a new phenomenon.
If it is, then there’s a strong chance that something has come up which is temporary in nature. In that case, wait him out a bit before texting him again to check up on him.
Once he’s done with whatever it was that took up all his time, I’m more than certain that things will return back to normal.
3. You’ve double texted him already
More often than not, people can get away with double texts without looking desperate. In fact, I’ve written an entire article about it which I will link below.
Sending a double text is more or less the limit in my books unless you’re in a relationship with him or have a genuine reason for concern about his safety and well-being.
I’m sure that you’re also checking to see if he’s been online and if he has but without reading your message or replying, then that’s when you need to leave it be.
Wait and do not text him again.
The average person checks their phone approximately 160 times per day so it’s unlikely that he hasn’t seen your messages in days.
In which case, do not chase him or give him the satisfaction of seeing you constantly texting him when he is choosing not to reply.
Related post: Is double texting bad?
4. Texting him again will make you appear to be desperate or clingy
I know how tempting it is to just hit the send button on multiple texts to someone you really like and want to be with but that isn’t always a good idea.
You see, during those early days of courtship or when someone seems to be growing distant, more effort doesn’t pique interest unless the reason for why they lost interest is due to your lack of communication.
Someone who values themself and has a healthy amount of self-respect will not just sell their time, effort and attention on someone who doesn’t show interest anymore.
And so, by not texting him, you’re letting him know inadvertently that you’re not willing to sacrifice your self-worth and self-respect to chase after him when he isn’t making an effort to talk to you.
This also sets a precedent for what behavior is acceptable.
He needs to know that a lack of effort will not be rewarded.
For this reason, I urge you to wait and not text him yet.
Related post: 6 Reasons to stop texting first
5. He blew you off and isn’t interested
Remember how I just said that you shouldn’t reward bad behavior with your time, effort and attention, well that applies to someone who isn’t interested in you and blows you off.
More texting and showing them more love isn’t going to win their affection, attention or interest unless he lost interest because you were behaving too coldly or harshly towards him.
I understand how much you like him right now and feeling rejected may heighten your desire to chase after him but do not fall into this trap.
It will only lead you down a road of misery and low self-esteem.
Clear up some space in your life so that men who truly see your value and cherish you can have a chance to be with you.
Apart from that, if the reason why he lost interest is that you over texted him or chased him too much, then pulling back and not texting him may undo some of that damage to the point of making him want to reach out.
Now that we have touched on all the reasons why you shouldn’t text him and wait, let’s talk about a few reasons why you should text him.
Related post: 10 Signs he’s losing interest in you
Reasons Why You Should Text Him
1. You’ve neglected him or haven’t been making an effort
In some cases, men will stop making an effort if you’ve been acting uninterested or bored with them.
He may have even been chasing you but if all of that effort falls on deaf ears or blind eyes, then he will eventually stop altogether and move on.
If you feel like you didn’t really bother to make much of an effort, then texting him would be a good way to show that you care about him.
2. He always texts you first
As much as guys who are chasing a woman can text first and often, they would also like to get a text from you without having to initiate it.
This lets him know that you are interested and want to talk to him.
It also creates a healthy balance between the two of you that will help in building a bond with each other.
All healthy relationships thrive with equal effort from both parties.
Related post: How guys text when they like you
3. He’s going through a tough time
Common courtesy is to text and check up on someone you care about when they are going through a difficult time.
At some point or the other, we are all going to lose someone we care about, lose a job, get sick or deal with some kind of accident.
During those dark times, men tend to shell up and shut themselves away from people to deal with their emotions.
But, as a guy, I can say with certainty that we absolutely love and feel cared for when a woman we like reaches out during this time to offer some kind words and comfort.
4. You upset him wrongfully
Lastly, if you have offended or hurt him in some way and he isn’t being unreasonable, then texting him would actually help in reconciling with him.
Even the best of communicators can sometimes stop talking to someone they care about when they feel wronged or hurt.
Sending him a text may just be enough to open the doors of communication again.
And if you were wrong, apologizing to him in one of your texts may just be what turns things around for the better.
Related post: Why is my crush ignoring me?
In Conclusion
I know that you are probably dealing with a host of emotions right now and want things to return to normal.
But, I strongly recommend being honest with yourself and using this article to determine whether you should text him or wait.
Just remember that communication is a two-way street and you should not have to be sending a dozen unanswered texts to a guy or to put up with a lack of effort for weeks on end.
You deserve so much more than that.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on should I text him or wait to be insightful and a source of guidance. If you would like to share your thoughts or questions, please do so by leaving a comment down below.