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Should I Text Him First After No Contact? (Answered)

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should you text him after no contact

No contact may just be the best reaction after a breakup that wasn’t amicable or mutually agreed upon. But, the semantics of no contact need to be addressed if you have any hopes of getting your ex back. This begs the question, should I text him first after no contact?

No, you should not text him first after no contact unless you were on the receiving end of no contact and rejected or dumped him. Typically, no contact is used when you have exhausted all options to save a relationship or situationship and you have been dumped or rejected. You should wait for him to text you after initiating no contact because that means it worked and he’s thinking about you.

If your primary objective is to use no contact only to get your ex back instead of focusing on moving on or growing as a person, you will most likely fail at getting your ex back.

The time apart will be wasted and all you’ll do is second guess your decision to do no contact or you’ll remain stuck in the past without any growth.

That’s a scary thought to me because life is all about growth. 

And part of growth is learning and accepting that you cannot force anyone to value you. 

It is far more rewarding and fulfilling to invest your time, energy and affection in people who actually want to be in your life.

By no means am I advocating for you to just cut someone out of your life when they try to gain another chance with you!

Unless, of course, they are toxic or bad for you, then you should remain open to the idea of reconciling with someone who rejected or dumped you.

But, the idea is to remain open to this and not fixate on it.

What happens if you spend your entire life waiting on a guy to contact you and he never does? 

Will you be satisfied with the way you lived?

Personally, I wouldn’t be satisfied at all. I’d be filled with regret and disappointment, especially for not being courageous enough to attempt moving on and trying to discover new connections and relationships.

With that being said, I think it would be more compelling if I share a few reasons why you shouldn’t text him first after no contact. 

Related post: Can you force yourself to stop loving someone?

If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out! 

Reasons Why You Should Not Text Him First After No Contact

should you text him after no contact, should I text him after no contact

1. No contact only ends when the other person reaches out

I do not subscribe to the 30 day no contact rule because it presupposes that your ex will start missing you and feeling afraid of permanently losing you within that time.

From experience, I know this is not to be the case.

Some people may experience it within 30 days, others may take many months and some never do. 

To be sitting around for 30, 60 or 90 days waiting to reach out to your ex is a waste of time.

If you approach no contact in this way, the struggle of obsessing over your ex and waiting aimlessly will be unbearable. 

That’s why so many people struggle with no contact.

The main issue with the time-based no-contact rule is that it contradicts the essence of ending all contact with someone who rejects or dumps you unless they realize that doing so was a mistake.

How would you know that they feel like it was a mistake if you are breaking no contact and not letting them initiate contact?

For this reason, you should not text him first after no contact. 

Related post: What is the indefinite no contact rule

2. He could be dating someone else

Most people struggle to deal with a breakup, even if they initiated it. I’ve recently witnessed a close friend of mine struggle with this after ending a serious relationship with someone who was relatively good.

He’s been on talking to new girls and trying to fill the void of the loss without actually getting into a relationship with anyone.

A lot of the time, he’s struggling with it and that pain drives people to seek comfort in others.

Personally, I think it’s healthier to remain single and uninvolved with anyone until you are certain of your decision and at peace with being single.

If you break no contact and text him first only to find that he’s in a rebound relationship with someone else, it’s going to crush you and force you to head back into no contact after facing another rejection.

For this reason, you should not text him first after no contact because it shouldn’t end until he reaches out to you.

Related post: Will my ex come back after dating someone else?

3. He might not be at the point of missing you just yet

I think we have to acknowledge that although we’re discussing the idea of ending no contact after a specific period of time, it’s not what you ought to be doing.

As I’ve mentioned above, no contact should be indefinitely used and not for a set amount of time.

I do not believe in that.

However, if you’ve decided to take a break from trying to get him back for however long, you have to entertain the possibility that in that time, it may not be enough for him to miss you.

Also, when you decide to reach out to him could just be on that day when he’s feeling certain about his decision to leave or reject you.

This would just result in another rejection or worse, he’ll waste your time and use you for emotional comfort.

Related post: If you cut him off, will he miss you? 

4. You’d have to pursue him again if you text him first

Let’s be honest, the one who reaches out usually has to create the spark for something to happen after a breakup.

As much as we don’t like to admit it, there’s always a power play in relationships, especially after a breakup.

When pride and ego are involved, the power dynamic is even more apparent.

The reason why the indefinite no contact rule is so effective is that when the other person reaches out, they are doing so with the intention to bridge the gap between the two of you.

There’s not much that you have to do. 

They may even start the conversation by explaining how much they regret their decision and want a chance to be with you again.

I don’t think this is necessarily the case when you are ending no contact and texting him first. It could happen if you were the one to initiate no contact as a means of rejecting him for screwing up or messing around in your relationship.

Apart from that, you’d have to be the one to pursue him if you text first. 

Related post: Does silence make a man miss you?

5. It reveals your feelings to him and leaves no room for mystery

One of the reasons why no contact can be so effective is because it recreates mystery and uncertainty around you.

Your ex no longer has a front seat row to view your feelings and behavior.

This means that they have to entertain the possibility of you moving on and getting over your feeling for him.

When this becomes overwhelmingly apparent and your ex is starting to miss you or doubt his decision, that’s when he’ll reach out with enthusiasm and desire.

If you break no contact and text him first, he’ll know that you were thinking about him, missing him and wanting to talk to him or else you wouldn’t have reached out now.

This snaps away some of that tension that often pushes guys to come back asking you for another chance. 

Related post: How to make him want you (20 tips)

In Conclusion

When writing these articles, I understand how emotionally driven these questions are and it can be hard to read something like that and get behind it. But, you have to trust me when I tell you that acting out of emotional desperation rarely works out in relationship issues.

You have to prioritize your own well-being and take care of your mental and emotional health. 

I am of the belief that a good partner is someone who will make it easy for you to communicate with them and find a middle ground.

They will be honest and open with you in a way that facilitates reconciliation.

If that isn’t happening, then you need to entertain the possibility that this person is not the right one for you anymore. 

It might be time to change your mind and approach no contact as a means of moving on and healing from the loss of this relationship.

The goal should be to get to a point when you can feel content and okay if he comes back or if he doesn’t. 

The benefit of this will show if he comes back and is introduced to a more confident, calm, positive and relaxed version of you. 

With that being said, I hope you found this article on should I text him first after no contact to be clear, concise and interesting. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.

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