There is a fine art to texting that maximizes your chances of nurturing attraction and interest in a woman. The problem is, it’s hard to tell when you should pursue versus when you should back off. So in today’s article, I’m going to provide an elaborate answer to the following question: Should I text her?
Yes, you should text her if you haven’t heard from her in a while or you would like to ask her out on a date. Texting her is never really a problem when you’re trying to arrange meetings, check up on her well being or offer some support.
However, like most things in life, moderation is key and texting is no exception to this.
I would caution you against texting her under certain circumstances to prevent creating an impression of you that is unattractive or creepy.
You wouldn’t believe how many men talk women out of liking them.
So many rejections could be avoided if men were more cognizant of their texting habits and the effect it has on attraction.
If you examine how people fall in love, you will notice that they develop feelings for someone through shared experiences in real life and during absence.
After all, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
This occurs when a woman has time to think, fantasize and miss you after being with you.
In other words, after spending some time with her, it would be beneficial to give her some space away from you to nurture those feelings of desire and attraction.
It’s really simple when you think about it in this manner.
But, as you probably know, some men can be so territorial that when they start liking someone, this desire to have a relationship overpowers their rational mind.
You can and should not force anyone to move at a pace that they are not ready for.
It’s as simple as that!
Yet, some men project their level of interest on women and scare them off or turn them off.
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This is why it’s so important to consider whether you’re coming on too strong or behaving like a strong, confident and patient man.
With that being said, I’d just like to share a few instances when you should not text her.
- You’re double texting or triple texting her too much.
- She’s ghosting you.
- She rejected you.
- She’s dating someone else.
- She isn’t interested in you.
- She’s starting to distance herself and her replies show a lack of enthusiasm.
Just because you like and want her doesn’t mean she deserves your attention.
Maintaining this belief is extremely difficult but it’s important to ensure that you don’t waste time, effort and affection on women who are unworthy of it.
You want someone who will be loving, attentive, excited and committed to developing a relationship with you.
A person like this will not ignore you for many days at a time nor will they send you close-ended replies that lack any depth or consideration for your feelings.
Alright, now that you have a rough idea on what to do, let’s talk about the reasons why you should text her in more depth.
Reasons why you should text her
1. You haven’t heard from her in a while
There’s nothing wrong with checking up on her if she hasn’t texted or called you in a few days.
Usually, checking up on her can actually increase attraction because it shows that you care about her and want to talk to her.
Women view simple gestures like this as romantic and considerate during the courtship and relationship.
On the off chance that something bad has happened, you can address the situation and actually be of some support to her which is a core component of a healthy relationship.
Allow me to just emphasize that a couple hours is not considered a while.
I’m talking about at least 2 – 3 days before texting her again if you’re used to hearing back from her daily.
2. To arrange a date
Ideally, texting is best used to arrange a date because true bonding and connection is cultivated in person.
This is even more important if you’re a guy who is not prone to texting often.
The last thing you want is for her to think you’re not interested in her by not texting to ask her out.
I would say that it’s far more powerful and confident to text her in hopes of arranging a date than to be predictable and try to court her over text.
Granted, long distance relationships may require texting and in such an event, text her to arrange a video call date.
3. To reply to her texts
A woman who is genuinely interested in you will text you whenever she can.
You may initiate a conversation but she’ll make an effort to keep it going.
And if she’s really into you, she’ll be initiating conversations or even double texting you.
As much as you don’t need to drop what you’re doing to text her all the time, you should make time to reply to her texts.
Don’t be the guy who loses a good girl because you’re trying to make her chase you by playing a game.
She’s already into you if she’s texting you this much. Ignoring her or giving her too much space is counterproductive in this scenario.
Related post: What does it mean when a girl double texts you
4. To let her know that you’re thinking about her
Remember when I said that women view these little gestures as romantic?
Well, it’s pretty sweet to text her randomly to let her know that you’re thinking about or missing her.
It doesn’t have to be a long or romantic text either.
Just a quick, flirty and sweet text that is unexpected will do the trick.
This is in keeping with the idea that spontaneity keeps the spark alive and nurtures attraction.
If the two of you are on a similar page and there’s mutual interest and connection, then expressing your feelings in a simple and sweet manner like this will have a positive effect on attraction.
Related post: How to impress a girl
5. To maintain some degree of interest and desire
I’m one of the men who will constantly push the narrative that texting too much is a relationship killer!
I’ve been codependent and I’ve dated codependent women and all these relationships don’t last despite the constant attention and affection.
However, the opposite is true as well.
I’ve seen men lose women who genuinely wanted them because they made absolutely no effort in fear of being seen as desperate.
There’s a healthy balance that can be easily maintained.
Think of texting like a game of tennis. Hit the ball over the net and wait for the other party to hit the ball back to you.
It’s as simple as that.
There may be times when you can text twice but that shouldn’t be a daily or normal thing.
Related post: Should I tell her how I feel?
Reasons why you should not text her
1. You’re double texting or triple texting her too much
There’s not an easier and quicker way to lose a girl than by double texting and triple texting her all the time.
Instant messaging has made communication TOO easily available.
Most of us cannot resist the urge for instant gratification.
And like addicts, we seek out the next hit as quickly as we can.
Do this too often and you will get burned.
This is what happens to men who text too much.
They come off as desperate, obsessive, needy, clingy and weak.
None of these traits are attractive at all and will most likely get you rejected, ghosted or dumped.
Scroll through your text conversation with her for a few days and count the times you’ve doubled or triple texted her.
If it’s more than once or twice, you’re over-pursuing her and should not text her.
Related post: The art of double texting without looking desperate
2. She’s ghosting you
We live in a time when ghosting people online is a common occurrence and it sucks.
In case you don’t know what ghosting is, it is the act of disappearing from communication with someone without any explanation online.
They may block you from every social networking platform and they’ll never reply to any of your texts or calls.
It’s horrible and leaves little to no room for closure.
I believe that it is more respectful and considerate to reject someone politely than to ghost them and leave them with a barrage of unanswered questions.
If you find that she has suddenly disappeared and you cannot contact her at all for days or weeks on end, then it might be time to close the chapter.
In this case, you should not text her at all.
Related post: How to respond to ghosting
3. She rejected you
When someone rejects you, there’s very little you can say to change their mind.
You’re not going to reason or logically convince her to take back her rejection.
Matters of the heart are emotionally driven and logical arguments do not factor in as much as you may think.
If this happens to be the case, my advice to you is this, use the no contact rule and move on with your life.
You should not text her if she rejected you.
A man with a great deal of self respect, self worth and confidence will not be chasing after someone who doesn’t see his value.
If she reaches out to you, then you can text her.
Until then, just walk away to focus on yourself and the people who do want you.
Related post: 6 Reasons to stop texting first
4. She’s dating someone else
Look, good men live by a code and I don’t care how attracted you are to someone, you should not be pursuing a taken woman.
Very rarely will this ever end happily.
Here’s why.
Let’s say that you manage to convince her to cheat on her boyfriend, would you even be able to trust her afterwards if she dated you or would you be insecure that she’d leave you?
Then there’s the matter of desire.
One of the reasons why people cheat is because of the thrill. Forbidden fruit comes with a taste of toxic desire.
The problem is that when you remove the thrill from the equation, you may not be enough for her at all and she’ll either run back to her partner or she’ll reject you altogether.
Then there’s the matter of principle.
How would you feel if some loser guy came chasing after your girlfriend despite knowing she’s taken?
Don’t be pathetic and don’t degrade yourself with behavior like this.
If she breaks up with that guy and then reaches out to you, then that’s a different story.
5. She isn’t interested in you
No matter how attractive you are, there will be people who don’t find you attractive.
Different strokes for different folks.
If you’re just not her type, whether it be physically or personality wise, there’s no point in texting her because you’re fighting a losing battle.
You’re going to be friendzoned or strung along indefinitely until she finds someone she is interested in.
Related post: What to do when she’s on social media but can’t text back
6. She’s starting to distance herself
There will be times when a woman who is interested in you starts to grow distant.
She may lose some of that interest and it will fluctuate.
Alternatively, she may act a little distant to test you and gauge your level of strength and interest.
Ride the wave and let things flow naturally.
It would be a mistake to chase after her when she’s showing a loss of interest.
Instead, give her time and space to miss you until she reaches out.
When she does, you’ll know that she wants to talk to you and this will be the ideal time to re-engage her emotions by being fun, flirty, sweet, romantic and enthusiastic.
Do not be triggered by the ebbs and flows of attraction.
Related post: Why is she acting distant all of a sudden
In conclusion
Being in this game for so long, I have come to realize that with the right women, you don’t find yourself having to ask these questions often.
Things flow easily and almost naturally.
You get a feeling in your gut like things are meant to be.
She won’t interpret your texting adversely and you’ll both work together at nurturing the relationship.
Granted, all relationships require work and I commend you for seeking out more knowledge on how to deal with the art of courtship.
If you have been someone who has frequently been rejected, ghosted or dumped due to your texting abilities, then I’m so glad that you’re reading this article and looking for new ways to approach texting her.
I’m sure that things are going to work out with improvement and with the right women for you.
When you strongly believe in this, it’s incredibly easy to remain confident, calm and collected.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on should I text her to be insightful and helpful. If you have any thoughts or questions on this topic, please feel free to share them with me by visiting the comment section below.