One of the best experiences in the world is discovering your feelings for someone. It can be a slow build or something that hits you suddenly. Once it does, you feel unbelievable. Which leads you to one important question, should I tell her I like her?
Yes and no. It depends on whether the timing is right and if she displays some clear signs of liking you too. Otherwise, you’re better off relying on non-verbal methods of communicating your interest.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking ownership of your feelings for her.
Part of your identity relies on self expression.
Allow me to share a quick story with you. I was a teen in high school and I liked this girl very much. Every time I saw and spoke to her, I felt butterflies and a thrill, unlike anything I experienced before.
I was inexperienced though. “Should I tell her I like her?” I asked. Often! Most of my friends said I should. They tried to facilitate things between us, even if it was just for a few laughs. They genuinely encouraged me.
But when it came time to pull the trigger, I hesitated. Each time, I would come up with an excuse for why it wasn’t the right moment to tell her I like her.
This went on and on until we both graduated.
Perhaps a year or two later, I found out that she actually liked me too. But she thought that I wasn’t interested in school. I never made a move.
The only reason I found out was that I mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt back then.
Because I got a taste of what it felt like to live with regret.
Ever since then, I’ve made a conscious decision to be honest about my feelings and to never shy away from professing them if my conviction was strong enough.
Keep in mind, don’t just do this at the drop of a hat. There are other factors to consider before you should tell her you like her.
I had to learn the hard way that you can’t take on the opposite approach and profess your feelings for girls all the time. There’s an art to picking the right moment and things you can do that remove the necessity to even confess feelings.
We’ll cover all of that below.
With that being said, let’s take a closer and more in-depth look into whether or not you should tell her you like her.
When you should tell her you like her
Even though I prefaced this article with a story that encourages you to confess your feelings to her, there definitely is a time and place.
Contrary to what I believed, it’s not about waiting for the perfect moment. It’s about finding the right moment.
And truth be told, you’ll find many moments like that. Not like what you have been exposed to in movies but simple moments that are fueled with emotion.
When I look back at most of my relationships, those moments of sharing my feelings at first were often light hearted, fun and easy.
I didn’t make a huge deal out of it. Putting that kind of pressure on you and her is unnecessary. Be that as it may, let’s look at the only few scenarios when you should tell her you like her.
1. If she starts asking or hinting about where things are headed – That’s usually a good indicator that she wants more. Don’t brush this off, use it to let her know that you like her.
2. If you have been spending a lot of time together – We don’t enjoy spending time with people we don’t like. Let her know you like spending time with her and that you’re really feeling attracted to her.
3. If she confesses – Pretty obvious but yes, tell her that you feel the same way. Even if you’re the type of guy who is shy or not good with words, be sure to reciprocate the feeling with your body language or through some form of action to prevent her from doubting whether you’re really interested.
4. You both are already quite attracted to each other – Perhaps you’ve been on a few great dates together, have a high level of interest or already kissed, there’s no problem with proceeding to say that you like her. You’re just vocalizing what has already been projected through action and physicality.
5. If you have nothing to lose – By that I mean, you aren’t attached to any particular outcome. The end goal isn’t to make her like you or get her, just to profess your feelings without expecting anything from her. (A rare but not impossible situation)
When you should not tell her you like her
Here’s what you should know – when things are going well, you really don’t need to vocalize how you feel at first.
It will naturally manifest in the time spent with each other and the natural progression of romance as well as physical intimacy.
I like to think of attraction in the same way I do baking, if you interrupt the process by removing the batter too soon, it will flop. The same can be said for attraction.
When the cake is ready, you’ll know simply by the flavorsome aroma in the kitchen, the physical texture of the cake and the time passed.
Similarly, you’ll know when it’s time to open up about your feelings based on how you two feel and behave with each other.
So, with that being said, let’s take a look at scenarios when you should not tell her you like her.
If she has already rejected you – Spewing your feelings onto her after this can be compared to hammering nails into the coffin. You’re ruining every last bit of chance you had in this situation. It makes you look desperate and weak.
You don’t sincerely feel that way – Trying to force yourself to feel something you don’t is dangerous to your own happiness. Additionally, it can be seen as manipulative and unfair to her. Don’t mislead someone emotionally, it can have devastating effects on them.
You’re trying to escape the friendzone – Depending on the situation, it can either help or ruin it completely. More often than not, women know when a guy is just being friends with her as a means of changing her mind. It doesn’t work.
You are threatened by some other guy – Just because you confess feeling to her isn’t going to change the fact that she is interested and likes another guy. If anything, it may just drive her more into his arms if he understands the art of patient pursuit of attraction. Read more about how to be mysterious and why it is an effective tool in creating attraction.
It’s way too soon – Don’t confess undying love for someone you just met, it’s often a hit and miss. If she doesn’t feel as strongly at this moment, she may think of you as desperate, weird, or easy. Even if your level of attraction is high, use non-verbal cues to project your feelings.
Why do you want to tell her you like her?
When making a decision of this nature, you really have to examine your intention because it can provide some much needed clarity on what to do.
But in order for this to be of any help, you have to be intellectually honest with yourself.
Don’t try to spin a narrative to fit your desire. Be brutally honest with yourself.
And here’s the question that needs answering – Do you want to tell her how you feel to express yourself and be authentic or is it out of fear or desperation?
The former is for you. It is all about being true to yourself after you have analyzed the situation. There’s nothing wrong with that.
The latter is more complicated. It comes with attachments and expectations. You’re could be trying to get out of the friendzone, forcefully inserting a romantic vibe where there isn’t any or to prevent her from finding someone.
If you want to tell her you like her for any of those reasons, it’s game over.
More often than not, this sets you up for the huge possibility of being rejected or losing her interest entirely.
Furthermore, it places a heavy burden on her to react in a way that is honest to her own feelings while trying not to hurt yours. And that’s tough, especially if you’re not coming from an honest or genuine place.
A lot of unfortunate women get strung along by guys who tell them they are interested but actually aren’t.
So before you go around telling her you like her, really analyze the situation from an objective perspective.
Personally, whenever I’ve told a girl (who went on to become my girlfriend) that I liked her, it was after her prodding and setting the stage for me to confess my feelings.
That’s when it matters. Because at that point, the feelings are already there, especially in her.
In all of those successful confessions, it wasn’t to make her like me. On the contrary, it was to reciprocate what she already felt and projected to me through her actions and words.
Non-verbal ways of telling her you like her
Here’s a look at some of the things you can do to create a more romantic or intimate vibe around this girl you like.
Your body language – Be confident, open and embrace her when you can. Keep your arms open rather than closed. Lean in when you’re talking across a table from each other.
Playfulness and flirtiness – Tease her, joke around, compliment her at times, come up with a nickname and just create a fun and flirty interaction.
Eye contact – Holding eye contact is a telltale sign of someone who is interested, locked in and wants to be attentive.
Listen carefully – As human beings, we are social creatures who gravitate towards people who understand us. This makes us feel good and connected. Listening is a surefire way of getting her to open up to you on a deeper level.
Kiss her – At some point or another, you have to make the move. Depending on your culture, this may not apply to you. It could be something like holding her hand or hugging her as well. Make a move when you feel the time is right.
The pros and cons of telling her you like her
By weighing the pros and cons, you can be in a more informed position, able to make a decision that benefits you in a huge way.
- You avoid the regret of not expressing yourself.
- She may reciprocate the feelings.
- It may lead to a romantic conclusion.
- There are no longer misunderstandings of your intentions.
- Said at the right time, it can improve attraction.
- You could get rejected.
- She may feel like you’re coming on too strong.
- You could scare her away by confessing too soon.
- You risk removing any and all mystery from the situation.
- It could make her feel pressured into something she’s not ready for.
- If she rejects you in person, it could feel quite awkward or embarrassing.
How to tell her you like her
If you’ve settled on telling her, then I’d like to offer a few tips to consider before doing it.
Profess your feelings without expectations. Let her know she’s great and put a period at the end of the statement.
Rather than it turning into a serious or potentially awkward situation, it’s sweet and to the point.
This approach almost removes rejection from the situation because you’re not asking her how she feels or what she thinks after stating your feelings. It’s said as a matter of fact. The end.
Do it during a fun and enjoyable time. Not when you’re both distant or seemingly uninterested.
If she happens to feel the same way, great.
If she doesn’t, then you can go on with the conversation or interaction as normal but with a clearer understanding of where her head is at based on her reaction, body language and overall demeanor.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be of some assistance to you. Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
All the best and I hope you get the girl.