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Should I Reach Out To My Ex Who Dumped Me

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contacting my ex, reaching out to an ex, should you reach out to an ex, should you reach out to your ex who dumped you

You’ve been through a breakup and not by your choice! It hasn’t been that long since your ex left and you’re really missing them. This makes you think, should I reach out to my ex who dumped me?

No, you should not reach out to your ex who dumped you because it will often lead to further rejection and humiliation. The worst thing you could do after a breakup is act desperate and yet, that’s how a lot of us feel. What you should do is speak your heart out, explain what you’re looking for and then leave the ball in their court. 

I’m not saying that you have to completely cut ties with them as soon as they break up with you. 

If you love someone, you should fight for them. But, that doesn’t mean you should throw all your dignity away and chase someone who doesn’t love you nor wants to be with you.

It depends on the circumstance at play.

For instance, if your ex is telling you that they’re confused and they’re uncertain about their decision to break up, then you should reach out to them at least once. 

If the reason for the breakup is something that you objectively feel is your fault, then, by all means, reach out to your ex who dumped you and try to make amends.

There’s nothing wrong with having a conversation with your ex to explore the possibility of saving your relationship and finding a way back to each other.

However, if they make it clear to you that they’re done and they want to move on to find someone else, then you should walk away and not reach out to your ex. 

With that being said, I think it is imperative that we discuss in detail all the reasons why you should not reach out to your ex who dumped you.

Related post: How long does it take for a guy to regret dumping you?

Why You Shouldn’t Reach Out To Your Ex

you shouldn't reach out to your ex

1. It makes you look desperate

There’s nothing attractive about being desperate to be taken back by your ex. 

And, if you really think about it, one of the main reasons why an ex leaves is because they lost attraction for you.

Someone who truly values themselves will not chase after someone for the acknowledgment of their worth. 

They simply expect those around them to choose to be with them.

If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out! 

Rewarding someone with your time and affection after they have left you is not something that builds self-worth or self-respect. 

2. It doesn’t give your ex an opportunity to reconsider their decision

During and right after a breakup, emotions are running high and most people are unable to fully comprehend what has just happened.

Such a big change can bring about a barrage of emotional attacks that can be quite confusing.

You need to give your ex some time to really experience this change in its entirety. They need to experience what it will truly feel like to completely lose all contact with you.

If they end up feeling sad, depressed, anxious, uncertain and unhappy, then there’s a much greater chance that they still care about you and might change their mind than if they feel happy and relieved.

Reaching out to your ex who dumped you is just going to provide them with too much comfort. 

Related post: 18 Signs your ex regrets dumping you

3. You’re too emotional right now to contact your ex

Given that you’re going through a rough and shocking time, it wouldn’t be a good idea to reach out to your ex who dumped you because it’s highly possible that you may say something you regret.

I’ve seen people lose their cool and lash out at their ex because they started contacting them too soon after the breakup.

To avoid adding any unnecessary drama and toxicity, it would be a much better idea to give each other space.

You need some time and space to process what has happened and to decide what you want to do. 

4. Your ex dumped you for someone else

Never sell your dignity and self-respect by contacting your ex who dumped you for someone else. They aren’t worth it and you’re going to face rejection all over again.

Nothing you say or do now is going to change the fact that your ex wants to be with someone else.

More importantly, don’t allow yourself to be someone’s second choice. If they choose someone else over you, then it’s time for you to choose yourself over them. 

I can assure you that if you reach out to your ex under these circumstances, they will lose respect for you.


Because you don’t have enough self-respect to walk away from someone who doesn’t value or appreciate you.

Related post: Why is my ex ignoring me? 

5. It’s going to confuse you

You may have reached this point in your life where you feel like enough time has passed for you to be on speaking terms with your ex again but this may not be the case at all.

Too many people break no contact too soon and end up undoing all of the work they put into moving on and making peace with the past. 

If there’s absolutely no hope of getting back with your ex, there’s really no reason to contact them again.

Don’t even waste your time trying to be friends with your ex because more often than not, it doesn’t work out. 

Prioritize your long-term happiness over short-term comfort. 

What You Should Do Instead Of Contacting Your Ex

what you should do instead of contacting your ex

Since you shouldn’t beg, chase or fight with them to take you back, it would be far better for you to just explain how you feel.

It’s perfectly okay to let them know that you wish to work things out and that you still love them.

If they refuse, the next thing you should do is initiate no contact.

Some people use no contact to get back with their ex but I prefer to use it to move on. That’s the primary reason why anyone would use no contact.


Because agreeing to stay in contact with your ex or agreeing to be friends will only hurt you in the long run.

You’ll end up helping them to move on from you while those feelings you have for your ex will continue to fester.

For this reason, the no contact rule is the best course of action.

It will give you enough space and time away from your ex to accept the end of your relationship. The first few weeks are going to be especially difficult but it will start to feel easier and better as time goes on.

You can’t allow yourself to continue to invest in your ex by communicating with them if they have no intention of trying to make the relationship work.

What you absolutely need to focus on is your own happiness right now. 

Related post: Why do I still think about my ex everyday

In Conclusion

It can be a very confusing and daunting time when your ex dumps you. Thoughts of reaching out to them and possibly winning them back might influence you to contact them.

But, I urge you to not act on these thoughts and feelings.

Just because you miss your ex doesn’t mean that it’s good for you to reach out to them.

You are not the one who ended the relationship.

The one who needs to be reaching out and trying to make amends is your ex. 

All I’m saying to you right now is this – Prioritize your long-term well-being and happiness. There’s no rush. Sleep on it and decide in 24 hours whether you still want to reach out to your ex.

This will provide you with enough time to let those feelings run through you so that it becomes easier for you to make the right decision.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on should I reach out to my ex who dumped me to be insightful and thought-provoking. If you have any questions, head over to the comment section below and let me know.

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