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Should I Contact My Ex? The Sad Truth!

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contacting your ex, should you contact your ex, why you shouldn't contact your ex, reaching out to your ex

Should I contact my ex? That’s something we all ponder about from time to time, especially when we are nostalgic and lonely. But is that a good enough reason to contact our ex? Here are my thoughts on the topic.

If you ended the relationship but later realized you made a mistake and you genuinely want to get back together, you should contact your ex. If you were dumped, you should not reach out to your ex at all. 

Understandably, the temptation to reach out to your ex can be overwhelming at times.

At times, you will make a compelling argument to yourself about why you should contact your ex.

You have to be objective to determine if it’s really a good idea to reach out to your ex.

Most of the time, I try not to make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. And believe me, this overwhelming desire to contact your ex is not a permanent emotion.

You need to read this article: How to cope with a breakup you don’t want.

Why You Shouldn’t Contact Your Ex

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What you want to focus on is the intention behind your action.

If you ended the relationship, why do you want to contact your ex? 

Is it because you genuinely want to reconcile, or are you just lonely? Is it because you miss your ex, or are you just lonely and need some validation?

If your intention is wrapped in selfishness, it will only bring more harm and pain to your ex.

What I know with certainty is that love is an act of kindness, generosity, selflessness, and consideration.

So, as the dumper, you should act with love and be extremely considerate before you contact your ex.

Unless you are certain that your intention is to reconcile, you should not contact your ex.

Here’s why.

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It’s extremely painful to be dumped. 

Your ex may feel a great degree of abandonment, loss, low self-esteem, and sadness. It takes a significant amount of support and hard work to accept being dumped and find peace.

I would argue that most people go through an identity crisis when they are dumped.

By getting in touch with your ex with the wrong motive, you run the risk of undoing all the effort they put into getting better and moving on.

It’s best to let your ex move on if you are not going to ask for a chance to reconcile. 

Now, for those of you who have been dumped, you should not reach out to your ex at all. There are no exceptions or instances where I advocate for this. 

I know that there are people online who claim that you can get your ex back after 30 days of no contact.

I think they are misleading most people.

There’s no predictive tool that will tell you when someone will suddenly reach that stage of reconsidering their decision to break up.

Other factors come into play, such as:

  • Whether your ex is dating other people.
  • Whether your ex is in a rebound relationship.
  • Whether your ex is in the country.
  • Whether your ex has experienced loneliness or doubt yet.

These are very real factors that are out of your control.

You need to read this article: Does absence make your ex miss you?

If you were to contact your ex while they are dating other people, rebounding, traveling, or not feeling loneliness and doubt yet, the risk of getting rejected is astronomically high.

Contacting the person who dumped you is not recommended because it diminishes your value.

Think about it.

Why would you reach out to your ex, who clearly doesn’t value you in the same way they once did?

Why would you give away your time, effort, affection, and attention to someone who had them and threw them away for a silly reason?

It’s disrespectful to devalue your worth in that manner.

And if someone else devalues your worth, then they don’t deserve to be in your life.

It’s as simple as that.

Do you think your ex will suddenly begin to respect you after blowing up his or her phone? Do you think acting desperate and clingy will project high self-worth and self respect?

It won’t.

Not at all.

If you can’t respect yourself enough to walk away from someone who doesn’t want to be with you, how could they respect you?

Guess what?

Without respect, love cannot exist.

In other words, you completely eliminate the chance of romantic love with your ex by getting in touch with them and losing their respect by acting desperate, clingy, and weak.

Unless, of course, you violated your ex’s trust or betrayed them in some way, contacting them will be viewed as desperation, which is unattractive.

Something else I want to mention is the possibility of helping your ex move on.

What drives someone to reconsider their decisions?

The possibility of regret and/or the experience of pain, suffering, and discomfort.

For someone who dumped you, the only way for them to experience any of the above is if they were to lose you altogether as well.

In other words, they also have to experience what it’s like to lose all access to you.

Then, when they are lonely or if they don’t meet someone else in the timeline they had, feelings of regret, uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and suffering are unavoidable.

Either they’ll learn to live with these feelings and make peace with them, or they will come back and try to reconcile with you.

Would you agree that by remaining in contact and trying to win your ex back who left, you would be reducing any of the discomfort and uncertainty they ought to feel?

I would advise you to give your ex an opportunity to properly miss you and experience life without you.

At least then, if they come back, you wouldn’t feel extreme insecurity or doubt about their feelings because you didn’t do anything to change their mind.

They would have come back simply because they wanted you and not because you begged them to change their mind.

And if they don’t come back, at least you can rest easy knowing that you didn’t waste weeks or months of your life chasing your ex.

If you were to invest this time into accepting the breakup and healing from the pain caused by it, there’s no way that you will remain stuck in the past.

The growth you will experience during this phase will far outweigh any benefit you think you’d get from contacting your ex.

You need to read this article: My ex reads my messages but doesn’t reply.

Final Thoughts

For all these reasons, I believe that you should not contact your ex. 

Unless you ruined the relationship or you have a genuine desire to reconcile after ending your relationship, don’t contact or reach out to your ex.

Spend this time learning how to live without your ex. Also, invest in self development and examine this experience with the intention of learning lessons that will help you cultivate stronger and better relationships in the future.

With that being said, I hope this article on whether you should contact your ex was insightful, clear, and convincing. If you would like my help with a relationship problem, please check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package.

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