Perhaps you’ve found yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to decide something very important, should I break up with my boyfriend? I offer you the following answer.
Yes and no. If you are unhappy, unfulfilled, mistreated, abused and not in love, then yes you should break up with your boyfriend. But if you love your boyfriend who is good for you and the relationship was healthy, then you should not break up with your boyfriend.
It all depends on the severity of the issue you face and the potential for harmony to exist in your relationship once again.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand about relationships. The emotions you feel will grow and fall.
You will experience waves of love and happiness followed by waves of standard unenergetic emotions.
Doubt is not a good enough reason to break up with your boyfriend. Doubt is built on uncertainty.
Is uncertainty bad and should it always indicate the end of a journey? No. It all depends on your perspective.
When you chase after a dream or goal, doubt is always present because the end result is uncertain.
It’s the risk you take, despite and in spite of doubt, that sets you up to have one of the most loving relationships possible or one of the most lackluster relationships.
This narrative created by people that they have absolute ongoing certainty about someone they’re dating is nonsense.
Because at some point or another, when you are faced with trials and tribulations within the relationship, you will find yourself questioning whether you should stay or leave the relationship.
That is the nature of us human beings.
But when love and commitment are involved, you choose to either remain with the person or walk away.
Questioning and scrutinizing something is not an automatic sign of disbelief. On the contrary, you are opening yourself up to develop a deeper understanding of the thing in question.
So, now that we have debunked this idea that being with someone disqualifies doubt or scrutiny, we can move on to reasons to leave your boyfriend and reasons not to.
But before we do that, we need to ask ourselves some very important questions first.
Questions To Ask Yourself To Determine If You Should Break Up With Your Boyfriend?
- Do I still love my boyfriend?
- Am I unhappy in the relationship?
- What is making me unhappy in the relationship?
- Is my boyfriend willing to work on our problems?
- Am I still attracted to my boyfriend?
- In an ideal world, can I imagine myself with my boyfriend?
- Am I the problem?
- Am I having trouble with leaving the past in the past?
- Do I trust my boyfriend?
- For how long have I been feeling this way?
To diagnose a sickness, you start by looking at the symptoms, correct?
So should we not do the same thing when we have a problem in our life? Say, for instance, a romantic issue?
These are the questions you have to work through to determine the kind of issue you have with your boyfriend and the relationship.
And if you know what the problem is, you can talk about it with your boyfriend rather than feeling isolated in your own relationship.
From my own experience in these cases, I tend to find that the number one reason for feeling like this is unfulfillment. Be sure to check out my article on how to deal with negative emotions.
It usually stems from something that your partner has not been able to give to you.
Whether it be love, romance, attention, space, intimacy, emotional understanding, intellectual stimulation, conversation and/or fun.
When you can pinpoint which of the above is missing in your relationship, that’s when the decision to stay together or breakup becomes easier to answer.
Even if you are unfulfilled right now, that is not an indicator of how you will feel tomorrow if steps are taken to change that.
What I mean by this is that everyone in a relationship is in a mutual agreement to love and GROW together.
If one partner feels like he or she has outgrown the other, then through communication and mutual agreement, the other partner can make up for that deficit and the couple can restore the harmony that once existed in the relationship.
This is only possible if both partners are receptive to advise that requires some form of change in habit or style.
Okay, so let’s talk about instances when you should leave your boyfriend.
List Of Instances When You Should Breakup With Your Boyfriend
- If he has been unfaithful to you
- If he is abusive
- If he is a pathological liar
- If he undermines, disrespects and humiliates you
- If he shows no interest in a future with you
- If he has no interest in commitment
- If he refuses to communicate and compromise
As far as I’m concerned, these are undeniable reasons to leave your boyfriend.
Nobody who truly loves someone puts their partner through the kind of pain, discomfort, trauma, insecurity and hurt like someone who commits one or more of the acts listed above.
But in the off chance that one of the acts were committed with an excusable reason (which I find unlikely but not improbable), then it has to be an isolated event.
If it happens more than once, you should leave your boyfriend without question.
Respect and love go hand in hand. So does trust and love.
When your partner abuses that trust and respect, they’re either abusing the love or discarding it.
If someone values you, then their actions are going to reflect that.
People make mistakes and that’s where intention comes into the conversation. But, as a rule of thumb, someone who intends on respecting you will do their utmost best to not betray your trust.
As a woman, when you agree to enter a relationship with your partner, you are trusting that he agrees not to hurt, abuse or disrespect you.
If he does, then he has to make up for it.
And if he does it repeatedly, then you have to take ownership of your life and choose to walk away or lay down an ultimatum.
What it boils down to is setting a standard you are willing to accept. For a deeper look into this topic, check out this list of toxic relationship signs.
Things To Do Before You Breakup With Your Boyfriend?
- Try to communicate your feelings to him
- Attempt to make some changes to your relationship
- Make some time to reconnect with each other
- Lay down some new rules that could help the relationship
- Go for couples counseling
- Look at things from his perspective
- Give yourself some time to process events and possibly move past it
I believe that it is important to explore these avenues of reconciliation or healing because it can often remind us of the bigger picture.
Sometimes, we can become so fixated on one issue that we ignore everything else.
And by doing that, we, in turn, make an uninformed decision.
Being uninformed means that you are unaware of all the variables of the situation or you ignore them.
You can’t measure all the pros and cons of a decision if you’re uninformed.
This can be extremely problematic because you pose the risk of realizing that you were ignoring some amazing things that meant more to you than the problem you faced.
By following the list of tips I’ve mentioned, it’s very likely that you can position yourself to renew the romance and happiness in the relationship or exhaust every possible reason to remain in it.
Either way, whatever your decision will be, you won’t necessarily feel much regret or uncertainty because you did everything that is reasonably possible to make things work.
What You Should Not Do During This Time?
If your boyfriend hasn’t harmed you in any way, then the following tips will apply to you.
- Don’t start punishing him for shortcomings
- Don’t isolate yourself from the relationship
- Don’t remain closed off if he is trying to initiate communication
- Don’t run from the situation
- Don’t just dump him haphazardly without any explanation
With maturity, all of these things will come naturally to you but it’s important to still treat him with respect.
Just because he may act in a particular way doesn’t mean you should.
You’re still your own individual, in or out of a relationship. So what you do will ultimately always be a reflection of who you are.
When you continue to maintain a set of standards that encompasses respect at its core, the people around you will always respect you for it.
Here’s To A Wonderful Future
No matter what you do, don’t get caught up ruminating. All it accomplishes is keeping you stuck in a deadly string of thoughts that don’t actually provide any solutions or peace.
When going through a tough time, always remember that tough times don’t last, tough people last.
I hope that you find peace and happiness in your life, even if that means you have to walk away from someone you care about.
Unrequited love can be one of the most intoxicating and painful emotions to experience. Anyone who has ever been in this situation understands the great deal of yearning involved in living this way....
Navigating relationship and courtship problems aren’t necessarily easy. Sometimes, you may find that a guy isn’t putting as much effort into communicating with you despite him saying he likes...