After being ghosted, it’s normal to feel anger, confusion and frustration over the incident. You probably want some closure and answers for why he decided to ghost you. This begs the question, should I ask him why he ghosted me?
Typically, I would advise you to delete his details and not allow this type of person in your life ever again. Being ghosted is more indicative of his character than it is of yours. However, if you feel like this guy has wasted a lot of your time and misled you greatly, then seeking out closure in the form of questioning his motive to ghost you may be a good idea.
What you must realize is that your primary focus is on helping yourself to move on from this bad experience.
It doesn’t really matter whether he has a reason for ghosting you or not. This is only to help you close the chapter and move forward.
I understand that some people need to confront a person who betrayed their trust or disregarded them to find peace and to let go of those nasty emotions associated with getting ghosted.
It’s normal and natural to feel that way.
So, whatever decision you come to regarding whether or not you should ask him why he ghosted you, it’s okay as long as your focus is to heal and move on with your life.
It was about a decade ago when I was ghosted by this girl who I just started a long-distance relationship with. She suddenly seized all communication with me and I had no idea why. For the first two or three days, I just assumed she was busy but then I realized that I was being ghosted.
What I did was, I asked her to just give me a reason as to why she chose to do this so that I could get closure. I made it known to her that I had no intention to fight with her or to convince her of anything and that if she cared even a little, then she should be honest with me.
That’s when she finally replied that she was seeing another guy and it just happened.
So, I got cheated on which I already pieced together because nobody would just ghost their partner like that.
I had gotten the answer I needed to confirm my suspicion, I felt like I got the closure I needed and I ended the conversation by simply saying that she should be ashamed of herself.
That allowed me to move on relatively quickly from this person because I did what I felt was right for my long-term happiness and wellbeing.
So, if you want to ask him why he ghosted you, I don’t see any problem with it if your intention is to elicit an answer to move on rather than to get him back because you should not want someone who doesn’t respect you enough to either reject you or break up with you honestly.
Related post: What does it mean if he hasn’t replied in 3 hours?
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Reasons To Ask Him Why He Ghosted You
To get closure
Everyone seeks out closure in different ways and perhaps this is one of the things you need to do for yourself.
But, here’s what I want you to know, closure is something that you give to yourself.
As soon as you decide that you’re done and whatever has happened is enough information for you to just walk away and move on, you will.
So, even if that means just sending the message or making the call, do it if the objective is to give yourself closure.
Don’t let closure be dependent on what they say but rather on what you say and ask.
Related post: Why do guys ghost girls?
To confront him about his behavior
There are certain behaviors and circumstances that warrant a confrontation and this may be it for you.
By no means am I advocating for you to confront him aggressively, abusively or uncharacteristically!
However, holding him accountable and letting him know that this behavior was unacceptable to you is not outlandish or weird.
You are drawing a line in the sand while making it clear to him that there are consequences for his behavior.
Perhaps, in doing so, you’re preventing more women from going through the same thing because he won’t feel like he can get away with it without an awkward and serious confrontation with him.
To express yourself so that you can move on
From what I have learned, to heal from emotionally painful experiences and any type of betrayal, you must feel it to heal it.
You’re going to feel angry, confused, upset and cheated.
There’s no getting away from those feelings altogether unless you let them burn out of your system.
But, if what you need is to express these feelings and send them to their rightful owner, then it may not be a bad idea.
However, I suggest that you completely avoid cussing, cursing or any form of abuse.
If you really want someone to feel the gravity of a situation, express your feelings without resorting to extreme attacks.
Put differently, maintain your dignity and character by being respectful, articulate and straightforward.
Don’t give him any ammunition to use against what you’re saying.
To learn about the true nature of his character
Part of what makes moving on easier is seeing someone for their true nature.
Clearly, there’s something off with him and he lacks some integrity to just ghost you like this.
By asking him why and reading into his reply or lack thereof, you’ll get a good idea of the way he thinks and the kind of person he is.
Of course, there’s no guarantee that he will be honest but even that will say a lot to you about the situation and who he is.
Reasons Not To Ask Him Why He Ghosted You
Nothing he says will really make you feel better
Correct me if I am wrong, but nothing he says is going to really change the situation right?
Unless he ghosted you because you led him on or hurt him in a significant way, it won’t change much.
You’ll still have to face the feeling of being ghosted or rejected for whatever reason.
It would be worse if he doesn’t respond at all or does so in a rude, insulting or cold manner.
If he has some decency, then you may get a respectful reply or explanation but this is a rarity.
He may lie to you
If he wasn’t considerate or courageous enough to let you down easily or reject you respectfully, what are the chances that he’ll be honest about ghosting you?
If he lies and you can tell, it’s only going to upset you further.
You’ll end up pushing for the real answer and this may turn things ugly.
The fact that he ghosted you is going to make you suspicious of what he says irrespective of whether he tells the truth or not.
Trust is damaged and that isn’t going to change now.
He may not reply at all
What he says or does at this point isn’t as important as the effect it has on you.
Be honest with yourself and decide whether you can handle being ignored completely.
If getting no reply will only make you feel more rejected, humiliated, embarrassed and angry, then it may not be worth it for you to ask him why he ghosted you.
They say that rejection breeds obsession, especially if you are someone who struggles with letting things go.
Related post: What is ghosting on social media?
He may gaslight and manipulate you
If he is truly a deplorable man who has no respect and integrity, there’s a chance that he will use this as an opportunity to attack your self-esteem and dignity.
Instead of getting an answer to move on and get closure, you may be attacked and manipulated into thinking that you are crazy and drove him to this.
Far too many men and women are played and emotionally toyed with, especially those who are overly trusting, polite, sensitive and nice.
You are already emotionally vulnerable after being ghosted, it would make you the ideal victim of manipulation by the wrong type of man.
Related post: 5 Reasons why ignoring your ex is powerful
Final Thoughts
As much as you may want answers right now, I strongly urge you to consider whether it has a greater potential of hurting you in the long run because it may not be worth the risk.
I am terribly sorry that you are going through this. Being ghosted by someone you start to care about and trust is a betrayal and that brings about a lot of pain.
Be gentle and easy with yourself during this entire situation.
Weigh all of the reasons to ask and not to ask him why he ghosted you and then make the best decision for your well-being, happiness and mental health.
If you take away just one thing from this article, let it be this.
You deserve someone who will make an effort to be with you instead of trying to get away from you.
Don’t waste your time on guys who treat you like this, especially when you have done nothing to justify being ignored or ghosted.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on should I ask him why he ghosted me to be useful and thought-provoking. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.