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When I was just a boy, there was no internet around for me to learn about the nuances of courtship. I didn’t know when, how or even if I should be confessing my feelings for a girl to maximize my chances of getting her. I learned a lot along the way and in today’s article, I want to share my thoughts on whether a guy should confess his feelings first so that you don’t have to mess up as I did at times.
In most cases, I don’t think that a guy should confess his feelings first because most men rush the process of courtship and fall for a girl much faster than a woman does because men are visual creatures. Women are much more in tune with their emotions and tend to focus on how a man makes them feel before just opening up to falling in love with them.
To avoid scaring a woman off or overwhelming her too soon, it’s best for a guy to wait until a woman confesses her feelings first or brings up the topic of exclusivity.
In some cases, if he is astute at reading the signs of attraction and a solid foundation of trust has been built, then a guy can and should confess his feelings first.
There’s a great deal of excitement, anticipation, thrill and enjoyment experienced during the courtship phase, especially when people are not divulging every emotion they feel too early into the courtship.
What is also true is that a lot of women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear during the early stages of courtship.
Related post: 15 Surefire signs she loves you
Reasons Why A Guy Should Confess His Feelings First
1. It’s authentic and courageous to confess your feelings
Typically, I tend to advise men to just focus on having fun and the courtship instead of trying to lock a girl down. This may seem like I’m advocating for men to string a woman on but that is not the case at all.
The majority of men on the market vocalize their feelings too soon.
They’re so fixated on locking a girl down and putting a label on things that they rush the process and confess feelings of love within weeks, sometimes days of knowing her.
This is unrealistic and can scare a woman off.
The exception to this is when you’ve known her for a long time or you’ve spent a good amount of time getting to know her.
If you’re certain that your feelings have extended beyond infatuation or physical attraction then, by all means, confess your feelings first.
It’s honest, authentic and brave to confess your feelings first.
Whether she’s into you or not, she’ll respect you for having the courage to own your feelings and to tell her.
It’s masculine and confident to express such desire to a woman you’ve known for a while and want to be with.
2. She’s waiting for you to confess your feelings
More often than not, women who are seriously into you will display their feelings for you.
They’re examining your behavior and looking for signs that you are into them.
At the same time, they’ll say and do things that are obvious signs that she wants you and is wanting you to escalate things.
If you’re dealing with someone who is shy or conservative, this is even more likely to be the case.
She’s hoping and waiting for the moment that you confess your feelings first so that she can feel safe enough to confess her feelings for you.
If you feel like she is clearly into you and fits the criteria mentioned here, then it’s a good idea for you to confess your feelings.
3. To avoid the possibility of feeling regret for not confessing his feelings
One of the most common regrets people have while on their deathbed is not confessing their feelings for someone at some point in their life.
I’ve been in this situation before.
I was a teenager and I had feelings for this girl who was in one of my classes.
Unfortunately, I never mustered up the courage to confess my feelings to her back then because I was utterly clueless and ridiculously shy.
We never got to be together but later on, I learned that she actually was attracted to me and had some feelings for me as well.
This regret had taught me a valuable lesson.
It’s much better to take your shot and miss than it is to never take the shot at all.
Failure is much more digestible than regret caused by the fear of failure.
Reasons Why A Guy Should Not Confess His Feelings First
1. You barely know her
If you want to confess your feelings first to someone who you know for no more than a few days or a few weeks at best, it’s not a good idea.
It’s too risky, especially if you have been lonely and in need of a girlfriend.
Too many men mistake infatuation and lust for love.
In doing so, they end up ignoring the true character of the women they encounter. That’s a recipe for heartbreak, especially if you cross paths with a woman who has a big red flag.
Also, what’s the rush?
Let things flow naturally.
If your interest in confessing your feelings for her first is due to fear, insecurity, uncertainty and excessive lust, you need to get a handle on yourself.
Spend quality time with someone and truly attempt to understand them on a deeper level.
If they’re right for you, it will only enforce your feelings and make things a lot better for you when it’s time for you to confess.
In fact, you may not even need to confess because she may end up confessing her feelings for you.
2. You are more into her than she is into you
Try to rush a woman into a relationship and let me know how that works out for you.
In the event that you don’t know, the answer is getting blown off or scaring her off.
I like to think of the courtship phase as two people learning how to dance with each other.
At first, you’re keeping things slow and steady. There’s caution, you’re both tense and even excited while getting into a groove.
You’re observing her while she observes you.
You may step on each other’s toes at first, especially if you try to rush things but if you just dance at a natural pace, you both get into a groove.
As your dance improves, the two of you draw closer and closer to each other.
By that point, you’re both feeling it and you lose yourself in the dance unlike when you first started and everything was being observed and calculated.
Let her feelings grow at the pace that it is.
Don’t try to force it along, that’s when you risk stepping on her toes too much and pushing her away.
Instead, just focus on the dance and eventually, she’ll catch up.
At that point, you may not even need to confess your feelings because she’ll be all over you.
Give it time for the anticipation and uncertainty to build.
This will encourage her to think about you, miss you and even desire to be around you.
Once these feelings show up and you continue to court her properly, it’s only a matter of time before she’s confessing her feelings for you.
For this reason, it may be preferable for a guy to not confess his feelings first.
3. She’s with someone else
It’s just not a good idea, especially if she’s happily in the relationship.
You’re either going to get flat-out rejected and avoided, you’re going to turn into a backup male orbiter or she may actually be interested in you and this could lead to an affair or monkey branching.
Guess what, none of those scenarios are good for you.
They either get you hurt or they reveal that she’s not a woman of integrity and nor are you.
As they say, the way you get her will turn out to be the way you lose her.
Don’t pursue taken women.
Just don’t.
Related post: What to do if your ex is dating someone new
4. She already rejected you or shows no interest whatsoever
You’re not going to win the heart of a woman who isn’t into you by just handing it to her on a silver platter.
I know how difficult it is to be in this situation. They’re a quiet desperation building inside of you and it can influence you to do things that may not serve you in the long run.
I get it.
A part of you may even want to validate yourself because rejection or disinterest can trick us into feeling like we are not good enough.
But, that’s not the truth.
Most of the time, it’s not about being good enough.
It’s about preferences, types, chemistry, circumstances and so forth.
All these factors can play a role in whether a girl is interested enough to allow some form of courtship to develop.
If she isn’t, you’re doing a disservice to yourself by confessing feelings to her or trying to win her with affection.
She’s not going to appreciate it because she doesn’t want it.
Invest less in someone who doesn’t show high interest in you or withdraw altogether.
Related post: Do girls regret losing a good guy?
Final Thoughts
To be brutally honest, in most of my relationships, I didn’t have to confess my feelings first and if I did, it was always at a point when the girl was pretty much waiting for me to do so and was hoping that I would.
What I’m getting at is this, pay attention to her interest and attraction levels. In doing so, you’ll actually start to notice visible signs of her feelings for you.
Then, it’s incredibly easy for you to decide on whether you need to confess feelings first or not.
But, as I said, the type of girl and circumstances leading to this point will give you a good idea of whether or not you should confess your feelings first.
I will say this, it’s best to do it if the alternative is letting her friendzone you or losing her.
At least then, even if you get rejected, you can hold your head up high and walk away knowing that you were respectful and honest. You owned your feelings and showed courage as well as bravery to confess your feelings.
There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you do.
In saying that, this brings us to the end of this article on whether a guy should confess his feelings first. If you have any questions or thoughts on the matter that you would like to share with me, I encourage you to do so by visiting the comment section below.