Getting dumped is incredibly painful and can be highly confusing when you see no signs of it coming. What’s more confusing is when she suddenly stumps you with an offer for friendship. Since you’re reading this article, I’m pretty sure you have one burning question, what does it mean when she wants to be friends after dumping me?
She wants to be friends after dumping you as a means of being comforted and lessening her guilt for ending the relationship. She may also want to keep you as an option while she dates around or figures out whether she actually loves you or not.
What you must keep in mind is that a breakup is still difficult on the dumper.
Just because they chose to walk away doesn’t mean that they won’t experience some anxiety, uncertainty, loss of self esteem and fear.
During those early days of ending a relationship, the dumper experiences a short lived high because they made a powerful decision.
But, with big changes comes big effects to her life.
She no longer has that constant affection and support structure that you provided.
So, she’s going to suggest maintaining some degree of that while she ventures out into the dating world and learns how to manage without you while still enjoying some of the perks of having you as a friend.
That’s not an ideal situation to be in.
Granted, not all relationships end for the same reason.
There will be some situation when she wants to be friends after dumping you because she still cares about you and finds it extremely difficult to lose you altogether.
Things happen in life that can ruin a relationship despite ongoing love and a desire to be together.
The only way to tell the difference between an ex that is using you as an emotional support structure and one who still cares about you is to examine the circumstances of the breakup and the character of your ex.
With that being said, let’s take a much closer look at all the reasons why she wants to be friends after dumping you so that you can decide whether it’s something you want to do or not.
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She wants to be comforted by you
As much as the dumper made the decision to break up with you, it doesn’t mean that she is completely prepared for the consequences of her decision.
She has to have some attachment to you that still lingers, even if she lost interest and attraction for you.
Which means that she’s going to experience the pain of separation.
Anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, loneliness and panic are all emotions that she will experience during the course of your split.
For this reason, she wants to be friends after dumping you.
Friendship offers her the comfort of your presence and attention without any strings attached.
Every time she feels lonely or sad, she’ll talk to you and get comforted while you build unnecessary hope for reconciling.
In time, she’ll gain enough strength to deal with the breakup and at that point, she’ll no longer need much of your comfort.
By then, you’ll be chasing her and she’ll be moving on with other guys.
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She wants to ease her guilt
Ending a relationship and blindsiding your partner is no joke.
You’re going to cause emotional pain to someone who loves you and that can really induce a great deal of pain to you as the dumper.
I don’t think it’s uncommon at all for the dumper to feel some degree of guilt for leaving you even if she completely fell out of love with you.
To ease this guilt, she wants to be friends after dumping you as a way of being supportive and caring while you both heal from the breakup.
She’s hoping that if she can help you through the transition of losing her, she can move on guilt free because she did right by you in the end.
That’s the narrative she’s going with in her mind right now.
Related post: Why did she leave me for someone else?
She wants to keep you as an option
Would you ever dump someone who you believed to be the best possible person you could ever be with?
It’s illogical to think in that way.
So, to some degree, your ex assumes that they can find someone better or more suited for them.
Whether that’s true or not is irrelevant right now because the only thing that matters in their decision making is what they think about themselves and how they feel.
If she thinks and feels that there’s someone else better suited for her, then she’ll act in accordance with that.
But, just because she thinks that way doesn’t mean she’s 100% convinced that is true.
To safeguard her own interest, she will consider keeping you as an option in the event that she’s wrong and she can’t find someone better than you.
That’s why she wants to be friends after dumping you.
She knows that you don’t want to lose her and that you will hang on to whatever scraps of attention and affection she gives to you.
For that reason, it’s easy for her to dangle a carrot in front of you while she explores her options for some time.
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She still cares about you deeply
The end of a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your feelings for each other.
As I’ve mentioned before, relationships sometimes end for reasons beyond your control.
Compatibility issues, geographical distance, cultural or religious differences and other problems can often sabotage a relationship between two people who actually love each other.
It would be easy for us to just try and paint our exes as emotionally devoid but that is anything but true.
She may love you dearly but the relationship can no longer continue and for that reason, she wants to be friends and keep you in her life.
If you really think about it, most of the romantic relationships you have will end at some point or another.
That’s just a part of life and it can’t be that every single time that your partner falls out of love.
There will be instances when these relationships will end for other reasons.
Perhaps she hasn’t fully accepted the end of the relationship despite dumping you.
Breakups can get really messy and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is something that applies to your case.
Should you be friends with your ex?
You should be friends with your ex if you accept the end of your relationship and do not desire to get back with your ex.
When two people are on the same page about the relationship ending, even if she dumped you, then there’s really no reason why the two of you can’t maintain a friendship.
Is it the best thing to do? Not really.
It varies from situation to situation.
The last thing you want to do is stay friends with an ex to the point of preventing each other from being happy or moving on.
But, if you’re in the small group of people who can be friends with an ex then it’s not a bad idea.
The two of you can lovingly support each other through the breakup process.
Part of what makes breakups so damn painful is the sudden death of all communication and connection with your ex.
But, in this specific instance, there’s no reason to do that because the two of you already agree that the relationship needs to end.
It can actually be quite cathartic and comforting to have each other as a support system through this transition into pure friendship.
On the other hand, it would be extremely unwise to remain friends with an ex if you don’t agree with the breakup and want to be together.
It really depends on how you feel and what you want from the situation.
Agreeing to be friends with the intention of convincing your ex to take you back is not a good idea.
Very rarely does this work because most guys don’t have the emotional control to act in a confident and confident manner after a breakup.
You’re going to torture yourself with a fake friendship while she moves on and starts dating other people.
It may be more effective to walk away and initiate no contact with her than to be friends after she dumps you.
Related post: Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
At the end of the day, you have to be brutally honest with yourself when deciding what to do when she wants to be friends after dumping you.
Think about her reasons for suggesting friendship and then consider the effect it may have on your emotional health and general life.
What you need to realize is that you have a choice in the matter.
Even if she doesn’t want to be friends, you can choose whether you are willing to spend time chasing after her or simply walking away permanently.
You still have a choice on how to handle this situation after she dumps you.
Be a little selfish and prioritize your own long term happiness and fulfillment.
Treat yourself with as much compassion as you possibly can because you deserve that, at the very least.
I like to believe that when you meet the right person, the two of you will find a way back to each other at some point or another.
Take comfort in knowing that even if the two of you don’t get back together, you can look forward to a time in your life when happiness and love will re-emerge but with someone else.
When it does, you won’t be upset about the time you’ve spent single after being dumped.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what it means when she wants to be friends after dumping you to be insightful and thought-provoking. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.