She Rejected Me But Still Acts Interested


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It’s such a pain when you invest so much time into courting her only to fall short. She exhibited all the signs of attraction but when you made a move, she backed off. This often leaves a person confused and frustrated trying to figure out why she rejected me but still acts interested. 

For the most part, she rejected you because she doesn’t feel as strongly about you as yet but her level of attraction has not diminished enough for her to lose interest. Which is why she seems to be hot and cold. 

I’ve been in this situation myself a few years ago.

There was this girl in my life who seemed really interested in me. She was spending an awful lot of time with me and we were as close as two people can get.

But, whenever I tried to escalate things into a relationship, she would turn me down and turn cold for a while.

Thinking back, I wish I had known what this meant because it would have saved me from a ton of hardship, stress, confusion and even heartbreak and I wouldn’t have found myself battling to figure out why she rejected me but still acts interested.

Why did she reject me? 

There are a number of reasons why she may have rejected you and they are as follows:

  • She isn’t ready to be exclusive.
  • She’s unsure about how she feels.
  • She doesn’t want a serious relationship.
  • She’s just not that into you. 

And as much as it hurts, you have to face the reality of the situation.

A girl who is deeply in love with you, extremely attracted to you or wants to be in a relationship will never reject you. 

She may ask you for more time or ask you to slow down just a bit but she’ll never come outright and say no to you.

Well, I guess women try to be subtle about it and not too blunt in an attempt to save you from getting hurt.

But, if she makes an excuse that doesn’t seem all that genuine to you, she’s trying to let you down easy. 

There’s a big difference between wanting you to slow down compared to rejecting the idea of being in a romantic relationship with you. 

She isn’t ready to be exclusive

This could be due to a number of factors such as how she feels about you, whether she is in the right space to be in a serious relationship, whether she has any feelings for someone else or if she’s scared of commitment.

It’s not an instant deal breaker.

Time may be the only requirement needed for her to make up her mind. 

She’s unsure about how she feels

I think this sucks, especially when you know how you feel with certainty but she doesn’t.

Feelings are complex.

You can’t rush them nor can you conjure up feelings with ease.

Again, time and experiences will be enough to determine how she feels. 

She doesn’t want a relationship

No matter how much you try to convince someone to commit, unless they want to, you’re fighting an uphill battle.

In my opinion, you shouldn’t be trying to make someone choose you.

The whole point of a relationship is to mutually decide to share the journey of life together. This choice comes with many benefits but some sacrifices.

If someone isn’t prepared to make those sacrifices, you shouldn’t force them to. 

She’s just not that into you

I hate to say it but sometimes you can put your best foot forward and do everything by the book but still get rejected.

Attraction and chemistry can be complex and unpredictable.

There’s an element of animal instinct and compatibility that influences how she feels about you.

When she’s just not that into you, there’s very little you can do to change her mind. 

Related post: How to talk to a beautiful woman

Did I do something to turn her off?

To some extent, your actions will influence her decision to reject you.

Guys who tend to chase a girl too much or play the ultra nice guy end up in this exact situation

Based on attraction alone, she remains interested but when she spends time around or with you, the things you do or say diminish that attraction and push you into the friendzone. 

As a rule of thumb, don’t chase girls.

Irrespective of how attractive they are or how perfect you think they can be, don’t chase.

It only puts you at a disadvantage and upsets the balance of power within the relationship dynamic.

Secondly, I would advise you to stop texting or calling her all the time.

A man who has dreams, goals and ambitions does not have all the time in the world to sit on his phone all day and chase women. 

Additionally, spending some time apart from her can have a tremendous effect on attraction and interest.

Love and affection multiply in the presence and absence of two people. 

During your time apart, she will be thinking about you.

This will make her reflect on the things she likes about you. 

When enough time has passed and she begins to miss your presence, she’ll reach out.

At which point, you simply have to take some time to take her out on another date.

Over time, whenever she misses you, she’ll reach out because she knows that it will result in you facilitating a hangout or date.

For this reason, I don’t see the point in chasing women because they’ll come to you. 

Related post: She stopped replying to my texts

Is she playing me? 

Think about this for a second – she rejected me but still acts interested even though she doesn’t want a relationship, what’s the next conclusion most guys go to? She’s either into someone else or she’s a player, right?

That’s hard to say and for the most part, only time will tell.

But, if you suspect that she’s seeing other guys and you’re not the only one she shares a physical or romantic relationship with, it may be as you suspect.

When there’s another guy in the picture who is doing more things right than you are, it’s highly probable that she would reject you.

It doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in you.

She’s just more interested to see how things play out with him and sadly, you’re the other option. 

Related post: Signs she doesn’t like you

Why won’t she be with me if she is still interested? 

The problem with this entire situation is that you are assuming that she’s still interested.

Unless of course, there’s a romantic relationship of some sorts between you two, it’s easy to conflate friendliness and kindness with a flirting and romantic interest. 

Being emotionally invested in someone creates expectations.

Your expectations can influence the way you interpret actions and signs from another person to be in keeping with what you want.

Remaining objective when you’re subjectively motivated is difficult and I don’t blame you for running into this problem. 

So, in one scenario, we can pose the idea that she isn’t actually interested but is just being friendly and inviting.

A good way to test her would be to step away suddenly.

Don’t text or call her at all.

Wait a few days and see if she reaches out to ascertain what happened to you.

Obviously, don’t tell her that you walked away to test if she’d miss you. But, her reaching out and missing you would be a good sign.

Then, she may actually be interested in you and not just as a friend. 

If she doesn’t reach out to you and when you return, she just acts friendly and unbothered, then it’s pretty obvious that her interest in you is nothing more than platonic. 

In other scenarios, refer back to what I said about why she rejected you.

Those reasons don’t eliminate interest and feelings.

They’re mostly an indicator of low interest rather than the amount needed for her to want you as a partner.

Related post: She lost interest all of a sudden

With that being said, let’s talk about the reasons why she’s still interested after rejecting you in more detail.

Reason 1 – She enjoys your company

You’re probably good fun to be around and a great listener which is why she always is excited to see you but that goes for most ‘friends‘.

Which is where this could lead.

Why most guys get blindsided by the friend zone is because the signs of interest are often confused with the signs of platonic fondness.

Reason 2 – She enjoys the attention

I can’t stand women like this because they often know exactly what they’re doing but don’t care.

They may be far and in between but they do exist. What they want from you is the validation.

To feel like she’s a desirable, sexy, attractive woman who can get anyone she wants.

It’s a sign of her vanity and ego, not her genuine interest for you.

Reason 3 – She wants to make someone else jealous

Women who are in a relationship or in a situation with a guy who is not giving her much attention or is playing hard to get will often show some interest in another guy to make him jealous.

Usually, she’ll find the nicest guy who is extra accommodating who also happens to be doting on her.

Reason 4 – You’re her back up

When women are on the way out of a relationship or pursuing someone, they often find a backup or replacement guy in case they get rejected or face too much heartbreak.

It’s a defense mechanism.

That’s not to say she doesn’t like you, though. Right now, you’re just the backup plan or the rebound relationship.

One day, you may not be.

Reason 5 – She’s using you

A lot of guys, particularly nice guys, have the habit of gifting women as soon as they fall for them.

I get it, you’re trying to use grand gestures as a means of professing your love.

Thing is, you can’t buy gifts nor can you buy a woman’s desire to be in a relationship with you. Unless, of course, she’s a gold digger.

You will get some women who will use you for the affection and material gifts because it feels good.

And if it’s not material gifts she’s after, she just wants your emotional and psychological support.

In conclusion

I hope by now that you’re no longer confused about why “she rejected me but still acts interested“. Trust me when I tell you that I genuinely sympathize with you.

Very few relationship situations are as frustrating as being stuck in limbo like this.

Not knowing whether you genuinely stand a chance with this girl is annoying and is unnecessarily nerve-wracking.

My advice to you would be as follows – back off. Don’t try to make this girl yours again.

You can try one more time if this was the very first time she rejected you. But, after that, do not demean yourself or be her back up plan. You deserve someone who is dying to be with you.

Not some girl who is on the fence or just interested in killing time while she’s single or bored.

Either she’ll make more of an effort and find some clarity or she’ll eventually phase out of your life.

By then, you’ll probably be done with the entire situation and busy with someone else who is far more worthy of your time and effort.

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