I’m willing to bet that you’re completely confused and frustrated trying to understand why she likes you but doesn’t want a relationship. I’ve been in this situation below and I’ve coached many guys and girls out of it as well. Here’s what you need to know.
The reasons why she likes you but doesn’t want a relationship is because she has trust issues to work through, she’s afraid of commitment, it’s too soon, she’s still dealing with trauma from the past or she’s still getting over an ex.
Just because she doesn’t want a relationship right now doesn’t mean that she won’t in the future!
If you allow yourself to get overly worked up over this and become too anxious, your behavior will change, her behavior will change in response to that and the overall romance may die.
I think it’s important for you to look at the time that has been invested in this courtship, the reason why she doesn’t want a relationship and whether time and effort is the solution or this is an un-fixable situation that you need to walk away from.
With that being said, let’s dive straight into a deeper analysis into each of the reasons why she likes you but doesn’t want a relationship so that you can get some clarity on how to approach the situation.
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Reasons Why She Doesn’t Want A Relationship
1. She has trust issues from the past
If you have ever been betrayed or had your heart broken by someone you really loved, you probably know how it can do a great deal of damage to your ability to trust.
Your internal protective mechanism is activated after a betrayal and it remains active long after you’ve parted ways with an ex.
To turn it off, a person has to be willing, ready and open to facing their fear of trusting someone romantically as well as their unresolved hurt from the past.
During this stage in her life, chances are such that she will have many walls up and her pace will greatly slow down compared to the past.
She’ll be on high alert until you gradually break down those walls with her.
How long that takes will depend on a person-by-person basis but if you try to force things along, you will most likely scare her off because the pressure of trying to speed up this process of letting go of fear can be very overwhelming.
2. She’s afraid of commitment
Unless someone with commitment issues has a strong enough desire to overcome their fears to be in a relationship, they won’t or they’ll find ways to prolong it if not end it.
You’ll feel like everything is going well but she’ll find ways to sabotage a perfectly good courtship or potential relationship even if she likes you very much.
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There are a number of reasons why someone may be afraid of commitment but it will depend on the individual in question.
The only way to figure out an approach to work through commitment issues is to identify the source of this fear and then come up with a plan of action and pace that works for the two of you.
An honest conversation is paramount or else you’ll find yourself heading towards disaster faster than you can imagine.
3. It’s too soon
You can never speed up the development of feelings, you can only nurture them through acts of kindness, affection, fun and so forth.
Far too many men project their high level of interest onto a woman before she’s even ready to have that kind of a conversation.
I’ve consulted with men who are claiming to be head over heels in love with a girl and unable to live without her after only knowing her for a month!
I’m not trying to be judgmental by any means.
But, if she is clearly not feeling the same way as yet, then surely you’re speeding things along way too fast.
Give her some time to catch up to you.
If you try to lock her down in a relationship right now, you’re going to scare her off or overwhelm her to the point that she completely rejects you.
So what if she likes you but doesn’t want a relationship? If it’s only been a few weeks, that’s perfectly fine!
Focus on building the attraction and having a good time instead.
There’s so much you can learn about each other in that time.
You could nurture the connection and bond in such a way that she ends up facilitating a relationship!
Related post: Should I tell her how I feel?
4. She’s still dealing with trauma from the past
Trust issues may fall into this category but past trauma can stem from a number of different events and not just poor romantic experiences.
Someone who has been traumatized by violence, abuse, abandonment, bullying and so forth can develop deeply ingrained trauma that prevents them from opening up to love or developing deeper relationships.
Feelings of volatility can quickly be stirred up which can scare them off or end the entire courtship.
In this case, being gentle, kind and infinitely patient is the only way to gradually progress into a relationship.
As she gains comfort with you and develops a deeper sense of trust, she’ll allow herself to feel more vulnerable around you.
And if you treat her fairly and kindly, this will open her up emotionally to the point where her feelings of attraction and love will supersede her fear or lingering feelings of trauma from the past.
It doesn’t mean those feelings just disappear but her desire to be with you will be powerful enough for her to initiate a relationship with you.
5. She’s still getting over an ex
You can’t replace one person with another in your heart unless you let go of them first.
But, people will try. This is one of the main reasons why rebound relationships fail. People jump into a new relationship hoping and wishing that it will destroy their attachment to an ex.
That’s not to say all rebound relationships stem from this.
There could be a great deal of affection and attraction involved but it doesn’t negate the reality that a lot of rebounders are still hung up on their ex.
Perhaps she finds you attractive and enjoys spending time with you. In an ideal scenario, she may have already been falling in love with you but because of her ex, she’s just not ready.
This is why she likes you but doesn’t want a relationship yet.
She’s still in the process of emotionally and mentally detaching from her past relationship.
It can and will happen if there’s genuinely a commitment on her part to move on from her ex.
Related post: When to give up on a girl you like
Tips On How To To Get Her To Want A Relationship
1. Don’t focus on it
A relationship is actually a product of something more important. Far too many people get hung up on a label and forget to build the foundation that precedes a relationship.
I’m talking about a bond.
Bonding with someone on an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level is a necessity for healthy and long-lasting relationships.
It’s actually the essence that gives meaning to the label of a relationship.
Two people who share a real and honest bond can have a beautiful relationship.
Two people who don’t have a bond of this nature can and most likely will have a short-lived superficial relationship that collapses at the first sign of a real conflict.
You’re paying too much attention to the potential product of your effort instead of the effort itself.
What would be helpful in this situation is to ground yourself. Pay attention to where you are at in life right now, especially with her.
Practice some mindfulness and find complete satisfaction with your current situation.
Even if you want more with her, be willing to redirect your focus towards what you have and enjoy it.
I promise you that this will help you to remain calm, collected, confident and centered.
All of which are attractive to women.
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2. Build trust consistently
Another prerequisite for relationships is trust. Without trust, you have absolutely nothing. You have a skeleton of a relationship that will crumble over time without trust.
One of the best ways to build trust is to keep the promises you make, big or small.
This simply means to keep your word, to be honest, to be transparent and to show up regularly in her life.
If I could summarize this in one quote, it would be this – “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”
Over time and through mutually shared experiences, the two of you will develop a deeper sense of trust and once that’s established, it’s only a matter of time before she wants a relationship with you.
Just remember, trust grows when you show up during dark days and troubled times.
If you’re present and reliable, she’ll definitely trust you.
But, to be this way, you have to look internally and have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself this, do I have integrity and good morals?
If so, you won’t have a problem with being trustworthy.
If not, well then you need to develop a code to live by and consistently make a conscious effort to build integrity by keeping the promises you make to others and yourself.
3. Be romantic
Irrespective of age, women want to feel like they’re in a love story.
This doesn’t mean you need to stand outside her window with a boombox but you should partake in certain activities that are romantic.
Some women like over-the-top displays of romance whereas others find a great deal of value in small but romantic actions like writing her cute note, gifting her a rose when you see her or calling to let her know that you’re thinking about her.
Find out what she considers to be romantic and look into what’s her love language.
To do this, I encourage you to read the following book – The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman.
4. Allow the connection to build over time
Don’t put a timeline on when the two of you fall in love.
So many guys ruin potentially amazing love stories for themselves by rushing things and expecting a relationship at a certain time.
They become impatient around her, they overthink everything and they behave immaturely and poorly when she doesn’t reciprocate their exact level of interest for a relationship.
What’s the point of doing that?
Don’t you want to experience the joy of witnessing her transition through each stage until she’s in love with you and wanting a relationship as well?
Get rid of deadlines and you’ll enjoy your time with her instead of fixating on a label.
Related post: How to keep a woman interested
5. Stop chasing her
When you’re in a race to get her, the finish line is just outside of your life. In other words, you’re chasing her away from you by chasing her!
It is much more romantic and attractive to pursue a woman than to chase her.
The difference is subtle but it makes a huge impact on her level of interest in you.
A man who chases a woman tends to appear as if he is desperate for her validation and attention.
He texts and calls all the time, spews his feelings onto her and drops everything he once loved to get with her.
This is neither attractive nor compelling.
A man who pursues a woman will reach out to her without projecting his expectations onto her.
He’ll be willing to walk away if she isn’t interested and at the same time, he attempts to maintain everything else that is important to him like his goals, dreams and purpose in life.
He is not afraid of rejection but is enthusiastic about the possibility of success in all areas of his life.
Attraction and desire can be nurtured and cultivated in person and in absence.
Both are crucial in a relationship or courtship.
When she’s with you, it’s the perfect opportunity to be romantic, fun, positive, flirty and cheerful.
When she’s away from you, it’s the perfect opportunity for her to miss you, think about you and develop a desire to be around you.
When you chase her, you eradicate all of the above from taking place.
6. Make her laugh and feel good around you
When I think about a relationship, I think about love, happiness, joy, humor, compatibility and closeness.
It doesn’t have to be all sunshine and rainbows but the idea of a partner brings me warmth.
You want to feel safe with the person you’re with and sometimes safety means being able to laugh and have a good time without judgment.
Laughter and good vibes breed feelings of closeness and fondness.
Be that source of joy and warmth in her life and you’ll drastically increase her desire to be in a relationship with you.
She’ll transition from liking you to loving you just with this subtle tweak.
Related post: 30 Signs she is developing feelings for you
In Conclusion
I hope that after reading this article, you have a good idea of where you stand with this girl and how to navigate this situation to lead it towards a relationship without having to behave desperately or crazily.
Trust me, I know what you’re feeling right now and I understand how the anxiety of uncertainty can affect you.
But, it’s important for you to exercise patience and remember that you’re a catch.
When you come from a place of confidence and abundance, you’ll realize that this isn’t such a big deal and you’ll behave a lot more confidently and attractively.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this article on why she likes me but doesn’t want a relationship. If you have any questions or thoughts on the subject, feel free to head over to the comment section below and let me know.