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She Didn’t Text Back So How Long Should I Wait?

she didn't text back how long should I wait, how long to wait if she didn't text back

If you’ve been fixating on your phone because she didn’t text back and you’re wondering to yourself, how long should I wait? Here’s the answer you’re looking for.

You should wait between 3 and 5 days before texting back. Do not send her unnecessary messages in hopes of gaining her attention because it will have an adverse effect by painting you as desperate or in pursuit.

During these stages of courtship, it is imperative to create an impression that facilitates the growth of attraction.

When a woman has to wonder about you, it creates the perfect breeding ground for attraction.

The fact that she has to wonder about you is an indicator that you have not chased her relentlessly and that your feelings of attraction are unclear.

This curiosity will spark interest and usually result in her reaching out to you.

At this point, all you have to do is ask her to meet you, and it’s game on.

Believe it or not, some women will actually not text back on purpose to test you.

This test is to determine how you will react. Usually, there are three common reactions.

  1. You start to text her incessantly, displaying your overwhelming interest and desperation.
  2. You get butthurt and either block her or say something off-putting.
  3. You wait for her to reach out, and when she does, you’re positive, upbeat, and assume the position of confidence.

Of all three reactions, which do you think promotes attraction and creates a confident impression?

My money is on option number 3.

This approach has never failed me.

Even if she wasn’t interested in me at first, by waiting for an extended period, her interest level in me starts to change.

At first, she may have perceived me to be too interested in her or not attractive enough, so she expects that I’ll chase her if she doesn’t respond to my text tentatively.

But when I reciprocate the same radio silence, she starts to wonder whether I am actually interested in her or not.

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Try this out for yourself and let me know what happens. I’m willing to bet she will reach out to you.

As long as she finds you to be a 5 out of 10 on her attractive scale, the chance of her actually texting you back is significantly higher.

Let’s talk about how the three common reactions affect your opportunity to attract someone.

The Three Options You Have

Option 1: You start to text her incessantly

Nothing makes a woman feel like you’re desperate for her attention or overly attracted to her more than bombarding her phone with texts.

This is especially the case during the first phase of courtship.

And if you say the wrong things, not only does it have the chance of making you come across as desperate but weird as well.

Option 2: You get butthurt and either block her or say something off-putting

If you want a woman to think of you as insecure, controlling, and uncertain of yourself, react in this manner.

It’s a surefire way of ruining your chances with a woman.

The courting phase is often filled with anticipation, waiting, and wondering. If you act butthurt or behave obnoxiously, she’ll disqualify you at the drop of a hat.

Option 3: You wait for her to reach out

In my opinion, this is the best approach. For one, it eradicates the possibility of you appearing desperate or insecure.

Furthermore, it makes her think that you’re either very busy or have other options.

Even if you don’t, she’ll think about you and eventually reach out because her interest has been adequately piqued.

This works when she didn’t text back, and now you’re wondering how long I should wait.

What To Do If You Are Overtexting A Girl

Just stop! Immediately! Dial it back to a more moderate amount and get busy with living your life.

I think that the closest thing to a perfect partner is someone who has many layers to their personality and life.

Your purpose should not be a relationship, and it should be bigger than just finding a girlfriend.

In no way am I undermining the value and importance of having an amazing woman in your life.

But I would give this exact same advice to a woman.

Pursue other passions and interests outside of a relationship.

Why? Because there are valuable lessons and experiences that will mold you into a dynamic and wonderful person.

You can’t get all of that just by pursuing a partner.

When the initial honeymoon phase starts to disappear, it’s those other areas of your personality and life that start to matter.

So, when you have been overtexting a girl, stop and focus more on living your own life.

When she reaches out, get back to her when you can. Schedule a date as soon as possible and spend time in person.

This is the trick to building a strong connection.

There’s only so much that can be achieved via texting.

Sure, we live in a time when most people invest their effort in texting, but that can never replace real-life interaction.

Think about this: if you marry someone, will you be texting them or living with them in real life?

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Can Attraction Be Gaged From Texting?

Yes and no.

Here’s why it’s a double-barrel answer: If a woman texts you constantly, flatters you, and expresses her attraction for you, then the answer to that question is quite self-explanatory.

But, oftentimes, women don’t text as much.

Is that an indicator that she isn’t attracted to you?

Well, yes and no.

You have to take into account that some people are not the greatest texters. Others prefer to speak over the phone and meet in person rather than text.

If she is neither taking your calls nor has she texted you back, then it’s more likely that she isn’t as interested in you right now.

The best thing you could do is carry on with your life as normal, and if she reaches out to you, then you have another crack at it.

As a rule of thumb, don’t make too many assumptions while texting. It is often misleading and unpredictable.

Unless she is bombarding you with texts with an intense desire to see you or she has flat-out ignored your texts for an extended period of time, don’t read too much into her texting patterns.

Match your response time with hers.

If she takes days to reply to your texts, match that. If she replies relatively quickly, reply when you can, but don’t wait too long.

The Biggest Problem With Texting A Girl

It ruins all of the mystique surrounding the two of you.

When you meet someone new, it’s so thrilling and exciting to unravel them over time.

This leaves you fantasizing about the person and wondering about who they are on a deeper level.

Believe it or not, this is an important phase in any new potential relationship.

During this time, people tend to develop feelings of attraction. The fact that you are fantasizing about the person adds fuel to the fire.

By the time you get to see that person again, enough time has passed to build the anticipation to a ridiculous level.

Nowadays, guys just spew everything about themselves over text in a matter of days.

They take all of the mystery and fantasizing out of the equation.

Talk about creating a boring situation! Check out this article on how to be more mysterious.

What To Say When She Texted Back

Keep it short and sweet.

Let her know that she crossed your mind and that you’d love to see her soon.

Ask her if she is available on a certain day and make a date.

Alternately, ask her about what she’s been up to and then get back to her with a call.

In my opinion, during the early stages, save all the jokes and teasing for in-person interactions.

Too many men ruin a perfectly good situation by talking themselves out of it. The text messages that are supposed to be funny or playful come across completely wrong to the girl.

If you have a history of being ghosted after texting, then it’s time to face reality and come to terms with the fact that you currently don’t possess the prowess for texting.

What About Long Distance Relationships And Texting?

The same rule applies. Granted, you may need to text more than the average couple given the distance. But if she hasn’t replied to you as yet, then wait until she does.

Try to encompass more calls, especially video calls, so that the interaction can mimic real life as much as possible.

It will make a bigger impact in respect of attraction if the two of you can actually see each other while talking.

If she hasn’t replied in longer than a week, send out a second text only to find out if she’s okay.

If something unexpected happened, then she’ll respect you for taking the time to check up on her.

But if she texts back that everything is fine and she was just busy, then it becomes more evident that she’s losing some interest and you need to back off.

When you back away, she’ll start to pursue.

Final Thoughts

Wait until she texts you back, even if it takes an entire week. If you double text, don’t pursue any further.

Let it sit and wait for her to reach out.

If there is still interest, she will definitely reach out. And if she was losing interest, this time away could have fixed any damage you could have caused from texting too much.

And when she texts you back, do not act crazy or angry.

Wait to hear why she hasn’t texted you back until now. You’ll be able to tell the difference between a real reason or a bollocks excuse.

Either way, shake it off and set up a meeting.

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11 thoughts on “She Didn’t Text Back So How Long Should I Wait?”

  1. Hello, I’m having the same case. May I ask if it is bad to message her every day just to check up on her? (Although, I know there’s a high chance she wouldn’t respond right away for like 3-4 days.)

  2. I haven’t heard from her in a week and it’s quite strange to me. I noticed that for whatever reason, her energy towards me shifted. I don’t know if I said something that triggered her and I didn’t know but she has stopped talking to me completely. I don’t feel good about the situation at all. Should I continue to just wait it out? I could mention what I last texted her too before she went ghost if you want. I don’t think I said anything wrong.

    1. Hey Trey, I’ll definitely need more information on this. Shoot me an email at If you haven’t sent her any texts since she last replied and it’s been a week, try reaching out one more time. If she doesn’t reply or pick up, then she’s probably ignoring or ghosting you. At that point, I would do nothing because everyone and anyone can find a minute to reply to someone especially if it’s been almost a week. You shouldn’t chase her.

  3. We’ve been calling and texting each other back and forth for 3 weeks, then she had a tragedy at work. She didnt pick my calls didnt respond to texts and watsapp msgs for a week or so. Eventually she did but it’s like the energy shifted cause we dont talk as often as before. If I call she dosent return the calls like before and when she picks she dosent refer to the other missed calls. I decided to text her telling her that am thinking about her and cant wait to meet her she didnt respond. the next day I sent another telling her that she touched my heart and I cant stop thinking about her still no reply in 2 days. The problem is that I dunno if its cause of the tragedy that happened in her office or she has just lost interest? NB We were introduced by a mutual friend but we havent met face to face, we were planning to before the tragedy struck in her office. ( her office complex was burnt by hoodlums)

    1. At this point, you should stop texting her altogether. Don’t talk about liking her or thinking about her. I’m willing to bet that if you do absolutely nothing for a week or two, you’ll actually hear back from her. At which point, wait a day or two before replying to her. Don’t beat around the bush, set a date.

  4. I’ve been calling and texting this girl online we met thru her cousin for almost a month no. We are yet to meet face to face tho. she was calling and texting too for the first 2 weeks then she slowed down a bit. I told her that I like her and I would love to date her but she says she wants to be friends and nothing more. I really like this girl but I dunno how to handle this situation really. What’s the best way I should handle this?

    1. Hey Jay, I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, now that she knows you want to date her and she rejected you, most of what you try will be obvious to her.

      My advice would be to tell her that you’re not looking to be just friends. You don’t mind if you guys meet without any expectations and see where things go but you’re really not interested in anything friendly.

      From there, you’ll have to measure your actions carefully. Whatever her response, don’t chase and be prepared to walk away. More importantly, don’t agree to be just friends. It won’t end well.

      I hope this helps. If you’re looking for me to handle this with you all the way, email me at for coaching at a rate you can afford.

  5. hey zak, fellow zack her. Ive been texting this girl from work for about 3 weeks now and long story short i revealed that i care very much about her even though im not crushing and its been 6 days since she texted me back; i havent double texted her. what should i do

    1. Hey Zack, I’d recommend just waiting for her to reply, especially if she is a colleague from work. Either she’s trying to avoid the whole situation or she isn’t sure how to reply. I don’t think it would be a good idea to bring it up unless she does.

  6. Hi Zak,
    Been messaging a girl for over 6 weeks. We arranged to meet after two weeks but she cancelled last minute after saying she was ill (maybe genuine, maybe not). Then the quarentine rules meant we couldn’t meet. Anyway we carried on texting pretty much everyday with her sending really positive tests for 3 weeks after. Then suddenly last Monday, no response. She has updated her whatsapp picture and seen it. We have a lot in common and her responses were so good, yet It’s so random been six days with nothing, not sure what to do?

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