It sucks when people you care about or respect use you. I’ve been in this situation and I know of many others who have. Since you’re here, it’s evident that you are being used as well. But, you probably don’t understand why. Well, in this article, I’m going to share all the reasons why people use you.
The following reasons why people use you are the most common, popular and root causes.
- You don’t know how to say ‘No’.
- You’re too generous and kind.
- You’re gullible and naive.
- You allow toxic people to stay in your life.
- You’re afraid of standing up for yourself.
If any of these reasons resonate with you, then I strongly encourage you to read on because I’m going to explain in detail all the reasons why people use you.
Related post: 10 Signs someone is using you
1. You don’t know how to say ‘No’.
For a long time in my life, I always felt like refusing someone was the wrong thing to do. Even if it meant that I was forced to sacrifice something for myself, I would do that because I didn’t know how to say no.
But, the problem with this mindset is that it sets you up to lose more than you should.
If you don’t draw boundaries, people will often walk over you.
And I’m not even saying that in a pessimistic way.
I don’t believe most people are bad but if there are no limits or boundaries, we tend to take or do as much we want without really considering the effects of that until we’re told.
So, for that reason, not being able to say No is one of the main reasons why people use you.
Once you learn how to refuse someone who is taking advantage of your kindness, it ends there. They can try to force you but it won’t work so long as you stand your ground.
But, you have to start practicing the art of saying ‘No’ and not allowing guilt or other feelings to persuade you to do something you really don’t want to do.
2. You’re too generous and kind
Being generous and kind are amazing characteristics. They should always be a part of you and I encourage you to give a lot.
There’s something you get out of being generous and kind that cannot be quantified or verbalized. But, it feeds your soul in a wholesome way.
The problem, though, is that you can take this too far.
It’s pointless helping others if you can’t help yourself or if it puts you in a terrible position. What happens is that you end up not being able to help anyone, including yourself.
Additionally, you’ll find manipulative people gravitating towards you because they can smell an opportunity to use you.
Just like how moths are attracted to light, so are bad people attracted to those who are good.
You have to reserve your generosity and kindness for those who deserve it.
3. You’re gullible and naive
It’s easy for me to tell you that people can be manipulative or opportunistic but that won’t be helpful if you can’t see things for the way that they truly are.
People who are gullible and naive will often believe anyone and everyone.
They want to see the best in people and so they discard or ignore warning signs.
This is something you need to reconcile yourself with – Some people are only out to get what they want at the expense of others.
There’s also con artists and gold diggers out there who just want to use you.
You have to approach relationships with some degree of objectivity when it involves a transaction, especially if it’s unequal.
Pay attention to people’s actions and behavior rather than their words.
Those who use you will often fail to keep promises, sweet talk you into giving them things that you can’t afford to and end up disappearing for a while when they get what they want.
Related post: Is my friend using me for money?
4. You allow toxic people to stay in your life
Learning how to say no to people or identifying manipulative people is one thing but being able to cut them out is another.
It’s pointless to know all of these things if you are not willing to block these people from entering or staying in your life.
Here’s the thing, it’s not going to be easy.
Some of these people may actually be nice and sweet. You may have shared some fond memories with them and have an unhealthy attachment as well.
But, they’re not healthy for you.
They’re only trying to use you and that is not something that can be tolerated. Either they change their ways and respect your boundaries or they leave.
Sometimes, they may not willingly leave so you have to take a proactive approach and cut them out of your life.
It won’t be easy but it’s essential for your well-being.
Another problem is that you may perceive this behavior to be normal because it’s what you’ve been exposed to for most of your life.
You need to constantly remind yourself that constantly giving stuff to people and being forced or manipulated to do so is not a normal part of healthy relationships.
5. You’re afraid of standing up for yourself
Last but certainly not least, a few for taking a stand against injustice or being used is another one of the main reasons why people use you.
If people can get away with using you because you’re scared of confrontation, why would they stop?
They know that you are not going to stand up for yourself so it’s not a big deal.
They’ll just keep using you until they get what they want altogether or you run out of resources.
Until you are willing to stand up for yourself, nobody else will.
It’s going to require some confidence and a willingness to face your fears but I promise you that this is something that will benefit you for the rest of your life.
People will begin to respect you when they observe a sense of confidence in your behavior. This starts with standing up for what’s right and for yourself.
You don’t even need to fight or be insulting.
Just be honest, be firm and be respectful but make it clear that you are not happy with certain behavior.
Related post: How to deal with people who use you without fighting
It can be extremely draining and daunting to deal with people who use you but I promise that this is something you will overcome.
When you surround yourself with people who love and respect you, they won’t overstep your boundaries in such a way that you end up feeling blatantly used.
And if they do, you can rest assured that they will do everything they can to make up for it and restore the balance in your relationship.
Please do not allow yourself to be used.
It’s not worth it. You lose more than just monetary value from your life. It can leave you with this pit of emptiness in your gut that eats away at you.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on the reasons why people use you to be eye-opening, thought-provoking and helpful. I hope that it inspires some positive change in your life.
“If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account.”