Educating yourself on the reasons why men pull away can definitely help you to avoid losing men in the future or reattracting them. I believe that the only way for you to adequately improve your dating skill is to understand how specific actions result in a specific outcome.
In this article, I’m going to touch on every single proven reason why men pull away from women they actually once liked very much.
I’ll be speaking from personal experience as well as the testimony of other men and women.
Before we get into the nitty-gritty, let’s quickly look at the list of reasons why men pull away.
- He’s rebounding.
- You chased him too much.
- You scared him away by being overly clingy.
- He’s interested in other women.
- He’s hung up on his ex.
- He has commitment issues.
- He’s not looking for a relationship.
- His feelings scare him.
- You’re moving too fast.
- You made him feel like a low priority.
- He’s not that into you.
- He’s experiencing a personal crisis.
With that being said, let’s analyze each of these reasons in more detail so that you can develop a firm understanding of why this happens and what role you play in it.
1. He’s rebounding
This is going to be a tough pill to swallow but I have to be brutally honest with you, most rebound relationships fail.
If he has recently been through a breakup and you’re one of the first few girls he has started dating or talking to, be wary.
Most rebound relationships fail when someone does not take the necessary time to be alone and process their breakup. Rebound relationships of this nature are a manifestation of escapism.
He is trying to avoid those difficult feelings of heartbreak and separation by distracting himself with someone new and fun.
You could do everything right and he could genuinely like you but when those pent up feelings start to rise to the surface, there’s a strong chance that he pulls away from you or even disappears for some time.
I’m not saying that all rebound relationships fail but a strong percentage of them do, especially within the first 3 – 6 months.
2. You chased him too much
There’s no better way to chase someone out of your life than by actually chasing them.
In movies and romance novels, they make it seem like running after someone despite their disinterest will pay off.
But that doesn’t translate the same way in reality, especially in our technology-driven era.
A lot of women chase guys by calling too much and texting all day.
Rather than be mysterious and challenging, they throw themselves on a silver plate for guys who haven’t done anything to earn them.
If you undervalue yourself by excessively chasing people, don’t be surprised when they treat you in a subpar manner.
Before you can get others to recognize your worth, you must see it first. Because if you don’t, you’re going to invest yourself in guys who absolutely do not deserve you and they will take advantage of you.
Just to summarize – men value and admire women who are a bit of a challenge.
When they have to put in some work for your attention and affection, that’s when they value it.
Make him invest in you and you’ll barely need to be searching for reasons why men pull away because it won’t happen nearly as much.
Related post: If a guy doesn’t text you for a week, do this!
3. You scared him away by being overly clingy
Clinginess can be interpreted in one of two ways, eagerness or desperation. There’s nothing wrong with being eager or excited.
This can be endearing to a man who shares a similar level of attraction for you as you do for him.
However, if it’s viewed as desperation, this will be counterproductive to your goals.
Flip the script for a second and put yourself in your shoes. You’re getting to know a guy, he’s nice and fun but he’s chasing you like crazy.
- He’s clingy all the time.
- You don’t ever get a chance to think about him or miss him because he’s always there.
- He calls you all the time.
- He texts you incessantly, not even giving you the chance to reply to his initial messages.
Is that attractive? Does that make you desire him?
I’m sure it doesn’t because there’s absolutely no mystery or excitement. Part of what makes falling in love so invigorating is uncertainty.
Love is developed in each other’s presence and in absence.
This is how clinginess causes him to pull away from you. You’re pushing to be with him too much and so he’s pulling away.
All you have to do is take things slow and allow some distance to create uncertainty and excitement.
4. He’s interested in other women
Much of the time, when you’re dealing with a charming, smart and good looking man who understands what women are looking for, there’s going to be other women who are interested in him.
That doesn’t necessarily make it a deal breaker.
At the end of the day, when someone falls in love, it doesn’t matter how many men or women are in the picture.
You’ll be chosen over all of them.
But, in such a scenario, the possibility of him pulling away because of someone else is a reality. It sucks but it happens.
5. He’s hung up on his ex
Building on what we talked about earlier in respect to rebound relationships, even if he isn’t rebounding right now, when there are unresolved feelings or unfinished business with an old partner, it could affect his presence in your life.
Whether he uses this time away to address those feelings is something you’ll only find out about in time.
Either these feelings will persuade him to pull away from you and try to get his ex back or it will alert him of what he needs to do to get over her.
6. He has commitment issues
I think this is one of the most frustrating reasons why men pull away because there’s really nothing that you can do about it.
Unless he gets the help he needs, it’s not going to change.
If he doesn’t put in the work, those issues will always be a factor for him.
Commitment issues can stem from a single event or multiple events from his past.
The trauma of going through such experiences leaves behind issues, particularly towards surrendering oneself completely to a relationship or another person.
Not accepting the risk of commitment is incompatible with the very basic principles of a relationship.
You have to accept that there’s always going to be some degree of vulnerability when you commit to another person.
Only he can work through that.
Of course, you can help him but that can only take place if he’s around and willing to talk about it.
If he’s pulling away because of commitment issues, then there’s really nothing you can or should do.
7. He’s not looking for a relationship
Sometimes it’s as straightforward as it gets.
And I understand why it might be hard to understand because who wouldn’t want to be in a good relationship with someone they love.
But, he could just be one of those men who feel ‘allergic’ to relationships and commitment.
I know that people tend to use this as an excuse to gently reject someone and if that’s the case here, then accept it and move on.
But, if you genuinely feel like he’s being honest, then you need to decide whether you want to spend your time or life with someone who may never commit to you.
He’s obviously pulling away because he knows you are interested in more and doesn’t want to hurt you or give you the wrong idea.
You need to reflect on how you feel and what you want before deciding whether to continue talking to him or moving on.
What I can tell you is that trying to convince him to want a relationship is rarely ever successful.
Trust me, you never want to force, convince or manipulate a man to be with you. That’s the most pointless thing you could do.
8. His feelings scare him
When love develops unexpectedly, it can actually be quite jarring and shocking, especially when you weren’t prepared for it.
Men who have been through bad breakups or who are afraid of commitment often experience fear when they start to get attached to someone.
The fear of loss is almost as overwhelming as the fear of being cheated on. All these insecurities, uncertainties and fears can be daunting to him.
If so, then the reason why he pulled away is not due to a lack of feelings but the onset of it.
Usually, time and support from you are all it takes to get him back in your arms.
9. You’re moving too fast
This is definitely one of the more common reasons why men pull away.
If you try to push the relationship along too fast, it can be overwhelming to some men.
They feel pressured and forced into being with you and that can result in them backing off.
It’s not a train smash nor is it a death sentence for the relationship.
All you need to do is back off just a little and give him some time to come to you.
Trust me, if you practice patience, you’ll reap some amazing benefits from it.
Related post: How to give him space to miss you and come back
10. You made him feel like a low priority
Look, I do advise women to be more of a challenge to a guy by playing hard to get but that only applies to certain situations like when you chase him like crazy.
If you haven’t chased after him and you’re playing hard to get indefinitely, you run the risk of losing him.
No guy who actually respects himself and his time is going to sit around and run after you forever when it gets him nowhere.
So, if you find yourself making him wait for days at a time before replying to his text or calls, you don’t make an effort to keep the conversation going or if you don’t make time for him, it’s possible that he feels like a low priority in your life and that has made him pull away.
11. He’s not that into you
From all the reasons why men pull away, this one truly sucks the most because it’s often out of your control.
Chemistry and attraction are the kind of emotions or feelings that cannot be manufactured.
There are ways to improve chemistry and attraction but it’s presence, even at a basic level, is required.
If you suspect that he has lost these feelings for you or never had them in the first place, it might be the main reason why he has pulled away. Don’t beat yourself up about it though.
Everyone, at some point, goes through this experience.
Not everyone will find you attractive.
And not everyone you find attractive will feel the same way about you. It’s just the way life works.
It’s not something you should take personally.
There could be absolutely nothing wrong with you and he may still not feel attracted to you because his idea of a desirable woman is different.
The key word is different.
That does not automatically mean that you are not attractive.
12. He’s experiencing a personal crisis
I don’t even need to tell you how unpredictable life is because we’ve all experienced that first hand. The reason why he’s pulling away could be something personal and outside of the scope of romance.
Personal crisis and tragedy can be extremely overwhelming and consuming. His distance could very well be completely unintentional.
I know that when I went through a specific personal loss, it took me a while to bounce back to normal life and to be present.
In another instance, it made me run to the people in my life.
You can’t predict how someone is going to react to situations like this.
Find it in yourself to be patient and understanding.
When the dust has settled, he’ll be back, especially if you are truly someone who matters to him.
Tips on what to do when men pull away
Based on the above reasons why men pull away, I think we can pick up on a few things you can easily do to avoid going through this situation too often. Also, the tips below will often help you, re-attract men, as well as avoid facing brutal rejection.
- Don’t chase them.
- Take things slower.
- Avoid being too clingy or needy too quickly.
- Don’t blow up his phone with texts and calls if he is ignoring you.
- Don’t show them your desperation.
By employing these tips, not only do you avoid scaring him away forever but you also avoid acting in a manner that is embarrassing or belittling.
The way I see it, you should never have to demean yourself to win someone’s affection.
There’s a subtle but significant difference between pursuing a man and chasing him. You can pursue a man passively or aggressively.
Most of the time, even if you’re aggressively pursuing him, it’s subtle by nature. You’re not throwing yourself at him.
You can be patient but clear on your motivation and actions.
Chasing, by nature, is often aggressive and without limits.
Related post: How to make him chase you by ignoring him
You can’t chase after someone slowly. You’ll never catch up.
And that’s the problem. There are no limits. People can lose themselves when chasing something they desire.
It’s not calculated nor is it tactful. If you simply stop chasing him so passionately, you will automatically utilize every other tip mentioned above.
Watch how the situation changes by doing this.
He’ll either do a turnaround and things will return to how they were or you’ll gain more clarity on the situation and realize whether he’s worth your time and effort.
Whichever it may be, I simply suggest you try to focus on living your life and submitting yourself to the will of God.
I believe in destiny and if this man is meant for you, he’ll find his way back. If he isn’t, then you will be one step closer to the man of your dreams.
With that being said, I hope this article has given you much needed clarity on the reasons why men pull away. Please subscribe to my newsletter for more articles like this and share your thoughts or questions in the comment section below. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
If you want to maximize the chances of you meeting someone who will not only knock your socks off but treat you in the manner that you deserve, then you need to know what you should look for in a...
When we invest ourselves in people who don’t care about us, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people who genuinely deserve to belong in our lives. But, most of us can’t decipher...