Are you unsure of whether avoidants will come back? After spending an entire year researching and writing about attachment styles, I’ve mastered the subject. What I can tell you with certainty is that in many cases, avoidants do come back. But, why? What are the possible reasons why avoidants come back?
That’s what we’re going to discuss in this article.
For an avoidant to come back, it is imperative that they have some kind of genuine attachment and attraction to you.
As long as they do and nothing terrible has occurred between the two of you, nothing is really stopping them from coming back except for another relationship.
Let’s take a look at the reasons why avoidants come back.
Why Do Avoidants Come Back?
1. Fear Of Loneliness
Avoidants may struggle with feelings of loneliness or isolation when they are completely disconnected from others. Returning to a relationship provides them with companionship and social interaction, which they may crave despite their avoidance tendencies. Ultimately, attachment styles do not dictate normal desires. Everyone, including avoidants, yearns for closeness and affection.
2. Temporary Comfort
Reconnecting with familiar people or environments can offer temporary comfort and relief from stress or anxiety. Even though avoidants typically prefer solitude, they may seek solace in familiar surroundings or relationships during times of distress. Always remember that avoidants are averse to discomfort. Loneliness and loss are uncomfortable feelings to deal with, which would motivate them to seek out temporary relief from someone they cared about.
3. Desire For Connection
Everyone needs to feel connected to others because humans are social beings. Despite an avoidance of intimacy, avoidant individuals will gravitate back to relationships where their desire for connection can be satisfied, albeit on their terms.
4. Regret Or Nostalgia
Nobody is above regret and second thoughts. Avoidant individuals may experience feelings of regret or nostalgia about past relationships, encouraging them to revisit those connections in the hopes of recapturing positive experiences or resolving past conflicts. Time and space away from the last person they were in a relationship with usually trigger nostalgia and make an avoidant ex miss you.
5. Opportunity For Growth
Some avoidant individuals may recognize the potential for personal growth or self-discovery within relationships. Returning to a relationship could be a conscious choice to confront their avoidance patterns and work towards developing healthier attachment styles. I wouldn’t put it past someone to seek out commitment despite their avoidant attachment style. With a strong enough desire for love and dedication to growth, it’s possible.
6. Manipulation Or Control
In some cases, avoidant individuals may return to relationships as a means of exerting control over or manipulating others. They may use intermittent reinforcement, drawing people in and then pushing them away, to maintain power dynamics within the relationship or take advantage of their kindness.
7. Unmet Needs
Despite their affinity for independence, avoidants may have unmet emotional or practical needs that they hope to satisfy by going back to their ex.
8. Attachment Needs
Avoidants may have unresolved attachment issues stemming from childhood experiences. Returning to relationships may reflect an unconscious attempt to address these unresolved needs or to seek validation and security from others. This occurrence is strictly dependent on the absence of attention and affection from the person they avoided or left.
9. Coping Mechanism
Returning to familiar relationships or environments can serve as a coping mechanism for avoidants during times of stress, uncertainty, or turmoil. Old relationships provide a sense of stability and predictability in their lives. Ultimately, comfort can be found in an old lover for an avoidant.
10. External Pressure
We would be remiss not to touch on external factors such as social expectations, family influence, or practical considerations (e.g., financial dependency). These factors may heavily compel avoidants to return to relationships or situations despite their inclination to withdraw.
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11. Love
Some people only realize what they have after losing it. Experiencing life without the presence of someone special may solidify their feelings of love.
Regardless of what an avoidant says or when they come back, it is imperative that you behave with dignity and self-respect. Don’t chase them, and certainly don’t beg them to stay or come back. Express your feelings with earnestness and sincerity so that you have no regrets. Once they come back, they should exhibit clear signs of wanting to be with you. Anything less is a waste of your time.