The Undeniable Power Of Silence After A Breakup


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The power of silence after a break up is vastly underestimated. I would argue that it is the most effective way of moving on or winning back your ex.

Like an addict who is forced into withdrawal through a severe elimination of drugs, alcohol or sex, the effects are jarring, shocking and painful to the system.

The same could be attributed to someone on the receiving end of the silent treatment.

Silence within a relationship is dangerous. Why? Because it isolates one partner from the other.

All romantic relationships depend on a mutual flow of conversation. Through communication, we are able to give ourselves to our partners and vice versa.

When you stop communicating, it hinders that flow. Your partner feels cut off, unheard, unappreciated and confused.

So, within a relationship, the power of silence is extremely dangerous. It can be the determining factor for many.

But, this power of silence can actually be used to your benefit outside of a relationship.

It creates the same feelings after a relationship ends. And that is powerful because it can cause your ex to feel confused and desperate to get a taste of your attention again.

Additionally, the power of silence after a breakup ends the flow of communication and as such, eliminates the reception of new stimuli.

Hence, your ability to move on after the breakup drastically improves.

Since we have touched on the power of silence briefly, let’s take a more in-depth look into how you can use the power of silence after a breakup.

Benefits of the power of silence after the breakup

Given how painful a breakup is, it comes as no surprise that people tend to act impulsively and out of character.

They’re upset, hurt, shocked and confused.

The person who was dumped tends to act the most impulsive. They breakdown or experience denial.

Rather than focus on taking care of themselves, they try to undo the drastic change by chasing after their ex, begging, pleading, fighting, stalking and crying.

Unfortunately, this type of behavior does more harm than good.

Rather than win back an ex, they chase their ex into the arms of someone else.

The power of silence prevents any and all of these mistakes.

  1. It prevents you from chasing after your ex.
  2. It prevents you from suffering further rejection from begging or pleading.
  3. It facilitates acceptance.
  4. It eliminates any interaction with your ex which could hurt you more.
  5. It gives you some control over the situation.

Let’s be honest, dumping someone is a power move.

It’s the unilateral decision to change the terms of a romantic relationship. The other party really has no say in the decision because you can’t force someone to remain in a relationship.

This is partly why the dumpee experiences such grief and shock.

They feel as if their life has been drastically changed and they have no say in the matter.

That’s where the power of silence after a break up comes into play in the form of no contact.

From the perspective of the dumpee, taking the silent approach is the last power move available to him or her.

I’ve talked about the importance of no contact, how it works, it’s efficacy on men and women as well as situations when it doesn’t work.

What’s particularly important for us to note is how to use the power of silence which we will discuss next.

How to use the power of silence after breaking up

Immediately after breaking up, stop any and all communication with your ex.

You should not be meeting your ex, calling, texting, writing or interacting on social networking apps at all.

Some people claim that you can use no contact for 30 days and then reach out to your ex but I completely disagree with this approach.

You can never truly predict when someone will feel a particular way, especially after a breakup.

There are many factors that come into play that determine whether your ex is receptive to communicating and getting back together.

If they are currently dating other people or are still very angry with you, reaching out after 30 days will make no difference to them at all. If anything, it may undo all of your work to remain silent.

The only other viable option is to use the power of silence indefinitely until your ex is the one to reach out. At which point, you can decide whether you want to talk to them or simply resume ignoring them.

During this time of silence, avoid looking at your ex’s online activity.

What you want to be doing is embracing the end of your relationship.

Exposing yourself to the fake ‘picture perfect’ life your ex shares online post the break up is unhealthy and the cause of avoidable pain.

Trust me when I tell you that what you expect to see from your ex and what they actually share may be worlds apart.

Don’t even be surprised to find them flirting with other people online as well because they may desperately be trying to rebound.

The effect of silence on you

As much as no contact and silence affect your ex, it will also have a profound effect on your emotional and psychological health.

Think about it, most of us try to escape silence at the very first sign of it.

We drown ourselves in distractions to avoid facing our fears, insecurities and baggage.

From my own experience, I found the power of silence after a break up to influence the way I looked at my life.

I was forced to deal with things I was running away from, especially my breakup.

In the same breath, I can also say that it allowed me to make peace with things that haunted me for years. Not only that, but I was also able to embrace my newly single status a lot faster.

In hindsight, taking the silent approach is what sped up my ability to move on after the breakup.

The first thing you fear is the idea of being alone and not having your ex by your side anymore.

So why not embrace that fear and conquer it. The sooner the better.

This approach shows you that not only can you survive it but you can thrive from it as well.

What effect will it have on your ex?

Okay so if your intention is to win back your ex, then this section applies to you.

Just like how you will go through a period of separation anxiety, longing, uncertainty, insecurity and fear, so will your ex.

It may not happen as soon, given the fact that the dumper usually goes through a short period of empowerment from taking the unilateral decision to end the relationship.

Once that feeling begins to subside, he or she will go through the same feelings you are.

To avoid it, they often suggest being friends. In that way, they minimize the discomfort of breaking up which is why it’s never a good idea to agree to friendship straight after a break up.

Also, when you chase after him or her and beg to work things out, it provides further relief to the dumper because they are aware of your intentions and how easy it would be to get you back if they wanted.

When you really look at it objectively, the only one who gains from remaining in contact or being friends after a break up is the dumper.

What happens when you use silence and no contact on your ex?

Your ex is forced to deal with the reality that their decision to break up could have a permanent effect.

When those feelings of uncertainty and fear hit your ex, along with a longing for you, they will unravel because you are nowhere to be seen or hear from.

Your silence will further emphasize and magnify those feelings for your ex.

And because he or she would have expected that you’d be chasing after them, the fact that you aren’t will be jarring and confusing.

This creates curiosity as well as speculation within your ex.

Out of fear that you may be moving on or met someone else, they will eventually reach out or regret their decision of breaking up.

And if none of these things happen, at the very least, your ex will look at you with a renewed sense of respect because you didn’t fall apart and desperately chase them.

Will your ex just move on or forget about you?

No, your ex will not forget about you, even if they are dating again.

As long as you both shared a real connection with each other for a significant amount of time, they won’t forget about you.

No contact and the silence treatment cannot erase special memories from someone’s mind.

If that were the case, wouldn’t you have forgotten people you liked or dated?

I can still remember the girl I liked in primary school so to assume that silence and time can erase the memory of someone you love is just your fear talking.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that your ex may be more inclined to think about those memories because they have no other contact with you.

And if you’re worried about your ex moving on, don’t be. Irrespective of whether you are in contact or not, you can’t actively stop your ex from wanting to move on.

But what I have noted is that the dumpee who does not have the strength to exercise emotional control tends to chase their ex into the arms of another person.

Desperation and extreme neediness has that effect on the dumper.

What if you’re afraid of walking away?

I’m sorry but what other choice do you have? The relationship has already come to an end.

You can try to cling to your ex but that will achieve nothing more than pain and suffering at this point.

The worst that could happen to your relationship has happened.

You have an opportunity to start over in life again. As cliched as that sounds, it’s true.

Face your fears and walk away from your ex. Use no contact and silence as a means of accepting the end of your relationship.

And during this time, transfer all that love you have for your ex to yourself.

Use it to improve your life in other ways. Take some time to be alone, work on your career, focus on your goals, improve your body, study more and prioritize your family and friends.

Don’t stop living life because your relationship has come to an end. Don’t try to run away from the pain either.

From sadness and pain do we rise and grow into stronger and smarter people.

Become a better partner for your next relationship. I promise you that there’s another person out there who will connect with you on every level.

Don’t you want to become the best version of yourself for that person as well?

And when it gets too rough, just remember that almost everyone has been where you are right now.

I certainly was. I’ve been through some horrific breakups in the past but they did not dictate the rest of my life.

Every single time I felt like I wouldn’t be able to move on from someone, I was proven wrong and met someone else who I fell in love with.

You’re not just walking away from your ex, you’re walking towards your next big love story.

Just do your best to be consistent and allow time to work it’s magic.

I really hope I was able to do justice in this article on the power of silence after a breakup.

Honestly, I cannot stress enough the importance of using this technique in your life, specifically when it comes to breakups.

Be that as it may, I’d love to hear your opinions and perspective on the power of silence as well as your experience with it. head over to the comment section and let’s talk about it more.

3 thoughts on “The Undeniable Power Of Silence After A Breakup

  1. I went NC with my ex for 8 weeks and then reached out and my ex responded. We are now talking again. And it is very amicable and loving. He sends me kissy faces and he told me he never lost feelings for me and vice versa. I am hopeful about the future. One thing is for sure, NC works and it is absolutely necessary for all the reasons stated in this article. You make yourself look bad and desperate chasing after someone. My ex EXPECTED me to chase after him but I flipped the script and remained in radio silence. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and fought the urge almost daily to reach out. You will be in a position of strength by standing your ground and remaining silent. Your ex will respect you more for it and become more attracted to you because of your absence. You both will have to do some self reflection/improvement during this time to see what went wrong. If you do resume your relationship, it will be a new one. The old one is gone, as it should be. No old baggage should be carried forward. I agree that 30 days is too soon. Waiting 2 months worked for me. It was just enough time. Remember though if you do NC and reach out to your ex and they don’t respond, leave them alone for good. If they have moved onto someone else, walk away and move on. If someone can replace you in just 2 months then they really did not think enough of you or your relationship. If it is a rebound by chance, leave them alone with that person. Eventually they will figure out that the rebound was just a band aid for their pain. And that person can never be you.

  2. Hi! I have a good question. What if the relationship has run its course. She dumped me because of the distance. She said there is no going back. She wants to move on with her Life. Should I just let it be? Or try NC and just message as Friends in a couple months? To see where she is at? Or see if she contacts me? We have been together for 5 years. Any information would be appreciated. Thanks, Steve

    1. Hey Steve, unfortunately, you have to walk away. You can’t force someone to be with you which is why it might be best for you to deal with this like a proper breakup. Work on yourself in this time, stay strong and walk away. If you love her and want a shot at having a relationship with again, then do not agree to be friends but tell her to contact you if she changes her mind.

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