It sucks how nice guys finish last. Trust me, I know. About 10 years ago, I was the nicest guy on the block. I thought it was the best way to get women. And yet, I faced a ton of rejection and watched guys who were ‘jerks’ get the girl.
What I hadn’t realized was that the reason for my failure was within me.
This idea that women are searching for a nice guy who isn’t a challenge, who chases after them, who acts needy and clingy or who is afraid of them is flawed.
Far too often do nice guys over-invest and sacrifice all their needs and wants just to earn approval from women who go on to friendzone them.
In the end, the nice guy is forced to walk away, defeated and diminished of his time, energy, money, affection and effort.
Since then, I have adjusted my mindset and transformed the way I date. Not only have I had great success in relationships but I have done so while being my truest self.
In this article, I want to share the 5 reasons why nice guys finish last and 5 ways to fix it.
1. They are not a challenge
Nice guys have the tendency of handing themselves on a platter to women who haven’t done anything to earn their attention or love. As humans, we are wired to value things we have to work for. It comes as no surprise to me when nice guys are viewed as easy and boring.
2. They chase women
Part of what makes dating so fun is the chase. Not knowing where you stand with someone during the early phases of courtship makes you fantasize and think about them.
The chase also attaches value to its target as it requires an investment of effort and time.
Far too often do nice guys chase women out of their lives. They remove all forms of mystery and excitement from the courtship.
When a woman knows she can have you at the drop of a hat, would she need to chase you at all? Absolutely not.
Check out this article on how to make a girl think about you.
3. They act needy and clingy
Another common reason why nice guys finish last is that they come on too strong, thus, creating the impression that they are needy and clingy.
Most women can’t stand men who are needy and clingy during the courtship. It shows signs of weakness.
If we are to be unbiased in our assessment of dating, one could make the argument that strength is a huge contributor to manliness.
More than just physical strength, it’s the strength of will and emotional control that is highly attractive in a man. Unfortunately, nice guys tend to latch onto women and make them feel as if they have nothing better or more important to do in their life.
Women don’t miss men who are constantly chasing after them. You can read more about this in my article on how to make her miss you like crazy.
4. Women don’t trust nice guys
I challenge you to ask women whether they trust nice guys and you’ll be shocked at how many of them say they don’t. Nice guys tend to overemphasize niceness, even at the expense of their own dignity.
When a nice guy is willing to bend over backward for a woman at the cost of his own happiness and dignity, warning flags go off.
That level of desperation plants a seed of doubt in women. They become critical of you because if you were really this nice, why are you still single?
It raises another question – if your love, attention, and effort come at no price whatsoever, how can someone trust that you won’t just jump to the next woman who shows you a sign of interest?
Women start to feel like you have an objective for being nice – to get in her pants or stake your claim over her.
Despite what you may think, love itself cannot be bought. And a woman who is looking for true love isn’t interested in it being bought or traded for niceness.
They want the development of love to be natural, real and organic.
5. They’re too afraid to make a move
Most women are not going to make the first move on a guy. Sorry, it doesn’t happen much. I don’t blame them for not doing so. Women want to be swept off their feet by a great guy.
Nice guys don’t want to risk being bold or strong. Rather than make a move, they hope and pray to God that their niceness will entice women to fall head over heels in love with them.
It doesn’t work that way.
If you’re too afraid to profess your feelings for her or to ask her out on a date, how do you plan on being a support structure, lover or protector?
Trust me when I tell you that women think about these things.
They’re 10 steps ahead of you when it comes to analyzing a potential partner. They will try to figure out whether you would be a good father to their babies let alone a good boyfriend.
So what usually happens is that nice guys wait for the perfect moment which never appears. They wait and wait until it’s too late.
By then, some ‘jerk’ comes along, makes a move and now has her wrapped around his arms.
Why nice guys get used and tossed aside
Part of the reason why nice guys finish last is due to the fact that they accept subpar behavior and subpar people in their life.
Unless you are willing to draw some boundaries, people will continue to treat you as they please.
The terms for any relationship are designed by the parties involved. By being quiet and accepting whatever women throw your way, nice guys end up getting used and tossed aside.
Until nice guys are willing to set aside their desire for women and prioritize self-preservation, they will continue to finish last and get taken for a ride.
Look, just like how there are good guys and bad guys, the same could be said for women.
Unfortunately, manipulative women tend to smell an easy target from a mile away.
And given that nice guys fail to measure women by any standards, they overlook the warning signs of a bad woman and then fall victim to their devious intentions.
I don’t necessarily blame the nice guy for this. Not all women are good. The only way for nice guys to avoid bad women is by taking them off the high pedestal they have them oin\\n.
Why you don’t have to be a nice guy around women
Women are looking for an authentic connection with men. Their idea of perfection encompasses good and bad, pros and cons. I like to think that a lot of women are mature in that regard.
Being a nice guy with generic reactions that are fueled by a false idea of what women want is a waste of time.
A woman would choose a flawed guy over a nice guy any day of the weak. Because when it comes to the flawed guy, everything she gets from him is real and authentic.
None of what he says or does is just to be with her.
He is an individual defined by his own identity. He marches to the beat of his own drum. By doing so, he is opinionated and unique.
All of these attributes are within nice guys.
If you strip away the nice guy’s outer layer and allow some of that personality and individuality to seep through, he would have a much better and easier time getting women.
You could argue that I’m wrong or that I don’t know what I’m talking about but take a look at the number of men who are the opposite of nice guys and are killing it in their romantic life.
That, in and of itself, is a testament to what I am saying.
Women don’t chase after jerks because they think they’re perfect. On the contrary, most women believe that they can fix jerks without altering the parts of him they are attracted to.
It is the strength, opinions, self-confidence and drive within ‘jerks’ that are attractive to women. Not their toxic features.
These are not qualities you can’t develop as a nice guy! Nice guys finish last only for as long as they allow themselves to.
Five ways to be a nice guy who gets the girl
Since we have discussed all the reasons why nice guys finish last, let’s talk about the ways in which a nice guy can transform into a great guy and a better partner who has a lot of success with dating.
1. Be more mysterious
If the nice guy has the habit of divulging everything about himself to a woman before she has earned it, then it would serve him well to be more mysterious.
Instead of filling the silence with a detailed explanation of his every feeling and thought, he can try shifting the conversation onto the girl he is with by asking her questions.
Not only will this make you look more mysterious since you’re not sharing everything about yourself, but it will also make her feel like you have a genuine interest in who she is as a person.
To get to her heart, you must first understand it. And I know that if you’re willing to spend time with her, the desire to understand her on a deeper level exists.
Focus on that desire over your own desire to prove your worthiness of her time.
2. Don’t text her all the time
A valuable man who has a dynamic personality tries to live life to the fullest. His motive in life is more than just to fulfill his carnal desires.
Simply put, a great man or an alpha male tries to accomplish goals and reach new heights. He is passionate about more than just sex or women.
And as such, he does not have the time to sit on his phone all day texting women.
Another reason I would avoid texting all the time is that text messages do not convey emotions appropriately. Messages could be taken out of context with relative ease.
Your sense of humor may not translate well over text as it would in person. For those reasons, you may end up texting women out of your life. Is it really worth it to ruin your chances like that? I don’t think so.
Text to set a date.
3. Play hard to get
Ordinarily, I don’t advise people to play games or play hard to get because it could very easily be taken too far. But, given the circumstances of the situation, it wouldn’t hurt a nice guy to play hard to get.
By this, I simply mean that you shouldn’t drop every important thing you’re doing just to be with a woman who isn’t even your girlfriend.
It’s perfectly okay to be busy at times. You’re not going to lose her by simply getting back to her a few hours later.
Rather than spending hours on the phone trying to sell yourself to her as a potential partner, let her do the work.
When you stop chasing women, you’ll gain so much clarity in your romantic life. And those women who actually have an interest in you will start reaching out more.
4. Don’t tell her how you feel just yet
Earlier in this article, I touched on how the chase creates feelings of excitement and desire. Similarly, holding off on declarations of love builds curiosity, intensity, mystery and desire.
Not knowing where she stands with you will actually work to your benefit.
If she wants to know how you’ll feel, she will start exhibiting signs of a woman who has feelings for you. She’ll also start to consider whether you like her.
Heck, some women will come outright and confess their feelings. They’ll ask questions like, “so what are we?” or “where is this going?“.
Once you have a gut feeling that she likes you or that the connection has developed enough, then it’s time for you to…
5. Make a move on her
What’s stopping you? The fear of failure? The fear of rejection? If you say nothing and do nothing, you will 100% fail and get rejected.
“You miss every shot you don’t take.“
Nice guys miss out on many opportunities by simply placing too high of a price tag on making a move.
Rejection and failure sting and hurt but only for a short period of time. With every failure caused by an attempt to win, you learn lessons. It helps you grow within that field of interest.
That’s not something you gain from not trying at all.
Getting rejected gives you clarity on where you stand with someone. That clarity brings about an opportunity to seek someone else and not waste any more of your time.
Every girl who rejects helps you get one step closer to the next love of your life.
I think rejection is a small price to pay compared to everything you will experience when you meet someone who loves you.
Stop overthinking it. Ask her out on a date or try to hold her hand. If she rejects you, be respectful about it and move on. And if she doesn’t, well then enjoy the ride because it’s going to be phenomenal.
Here’s a pretty funny and catchy song by Nigahiga about Nice Guys. I think you’ll get a good laugh out of it.
Nice guys don’t have to finish last
So long as you are willing to undergo a change of mindset, I see no reason why you should be struggling with women.
The only reason they choose other guys over you is because of a few bad habits.
Tweak your game and you could have way more success than even the typical jerk or ‘bad boy’.
But, you have to take the initiative to experiment with different dating approaches.
The last thing I want is to see good guys who adopt a nice guy approach to dating end up becoming an incel. It can be avoided if you just alter the way you view relationships and what women want.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this article on why nice guys finish last. Please share your opinions in the comment section below.