I’ve written close to 500 articles for this site and rarely do I ever make it about my own journey and some of the struggles I deal with in my life, especially these days.
By nature, I’m a private person but I love to share my thoughts through writing and I’ve spent a long time in the relationship and self development space.
It’s my calling in life.
I find meaning and fulfillment in writing articles that can help someone find love or work through their relationship issues. It didn’t begin that way. I was a blogger by profession for over 12 years but this blog has become a mission for me.
I’ve received so many comments and emails from you guys expressing gratitude for the advice and help you’ve received from my work.
It means so much to me and I love that I could impact so many people with my writing.
But, sometimes I feel like an imposter because I don’t have it all figured out.
As much as I have had some wonderful relationships in my life, I’ve also been through heartbreak and disappointments. I’ve messed up a lot and there have been times when I lost my identity in the pursuit of love.
I think I’ve made every mistake in the book.
My last relationship ended over a year ago. It was particularly difficult navigating that breakup because everything happened so suddenly and if I’m being honest, I was completely in love. At the same time, I was dealing with other personal losses, family issues, health problems and everything in-between.
It’s been a difficult year but I’ve grown significantly as a person.
Unlike in the past, I’ve learnt not to run away from heart break through rebounding or casual dating.
I’ve also realized that healing isn’t linear, especially when it comes to your heart.
We’re under this misconception that as the weeks go by, we’ll feel better and better until we are completely healed.
I think that’s untrue.
You could be healing for weeks and then suddenly, all that pain resurfaces and you experience doubt, anxiety, fear, so on and so forth.
What makes things even more complex is the realization that some relationships end despite still loving your ex.
You learn that being cheated on doesn’t just erase feelings of love for someone.
Some days you’re able to envision the future with excitement and hope while other days are spent consumed with sadness and longing for the past and those who are no longer in your life.
Healing from a broken heart is messy.
I’m trying not to spill that mess onto people around me.
It’s funny but I thought that I was in a good space because I have been working all the time these last few weeks. I’ve been dialed in when it comes to my goals, my business, my family and my spirituality.
But, recently, I had an argument with a friend of mine who I’ve barely had issues with in well over a decade.
What surprised me was the fact that I’m the aggressor.
I’ve actually been in a lot of emotional pain and anger. I had been channeling it productively but not dealing with it. Each week that passed, I was getting more intense, more high strung and more hard on myself.
I haven’t given myself even an hour in almost a month to just slow down and feel anything.
I was distracting and consuming myself non-stop with work and discipline to avoid dealing with lingering feelings of loss and sadness.
You can only suppress or avoid uncomfortable feelings for so long before they spill out toxically.
I’ll add a few links to articles that I’ve written about dealing with your emotions at the end.
I just want you to know that it’s okay if it’s taking you a long time to heal from loss. There’s nothing wrong with you for still missing your ex or caring about them even though you’ve been apart for a long time.
It’s been a year and I still feel that way and I still struggle with it, especially on days like this.
You shouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling that way.
Most people will tell you to just move on already and find someone else.
Perhaps that’s good advice for some people.
But, maybe moving on for you means something different right now.
Moving on could be to let go of that cloud of pain, regret or guilt that’s hovering over your head all the time.
Moving on could mean that you still love someone but you accept that there’s nothing you can do to change what has happened.
Some days are going to be bad but other days are going to be good.
It’s just part of the process of healing from heartbreak.
If your heartbreak can bring you even a little closer to God or to your family, it can give value and meaning to what you’re going through.
Don’t let pain convince you to abandon all the good things in life like love, kindness, forgiveness, and so much more.
If anything, use pain to give love, kindness, forgiveness and so forth.
I think that if I had done a better job of dealing with loss in the past, I could have been so much better to the people in my life.
I could have been a better son, a better brother, a better partner and a better friend.
But, I ran from pain.
Nobody taught me how to deal with it. Nobody told me that it’s okay to feel pain.
So, I hope that I can be the person to tell you that it’s okay to feel pain and that you can grow from it.
Sit with it, learn from it and do good with it.
“Beginnings always hide themselves in ends. At some point, I will be okay.” – Mike Posner