Long distance relationships can be incredible. Distance has a way of making the heart grow fonder and the romantic idea of conquering distance can be intoxicating at first. But then, reality sets in and you find yourself struggling to figure out why my long distance relationship is falling apart.
If this is you, then trust me when I tell you that I completely understand. I’ve been in a handful of long distance relationships and I know first hand how to deal with the problems that arise.
I believe that prevention is better than cure. When you are able to identify long distance relationship red flags early on, the likelihood of fixing those issues drastically improves.
If you try to ignore those problems and hope to God that they will go away, you’ll be in for a nasty surprise.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was in a long distance relationship for over 3 years and I missed all the warning signs.
Eventually, when my partner and I broke up, there was nothing left between us to be salvaged. Most of the time, when someone decides to end a relationship, it’s usually preceded by the death of most emotions.
This can blindside the dumpee. So, if you’re looking to save your long distance relationship, it is imperative that you implement the tips in this article as soon as possible.
Reasons why your long distance relationship is falling apart
The point of discussing the reasons for your relationship problems is to understand how your behavior causes these issues as well as what you can do to fix them.
Below are some of the most common and destructive long distance relationship problems that you need to familiarize yourself with.
Related post: 8 long distance relationship break up signs
1. Growing distant
Understandably, two people can grow apart when they haven’t seen each other for a long space of time. Your only means of connecting is via the phone so if your partner and you don’t make the time to chat, call and video call on a regular basis without being distracted, the relationship can fall apart.
The only way to maintain a healthy relationship and to fix a broken one is through communication. More so than any other couple, a long distance relationship requires a higher degree of communication to keep the romance alive. When there is constant bickering or stonewalling, it’s extremely difficult for a couple to connect, stay happy or work through issues.
I understand that instant messaging and calls make it easy to stay constantly connected with your partner but it doesn’t always fulfill that feeling of loneliness that hits at times. This becomes increasingly more difficult to deal with when you or your partner are constantly busy and unavailable.
Related post: Why do I feel lonely in my relationship?
4. Trust issues
All relationships, to some degree, require you to surrender yourself to the possibility of being cheated on. Having faith in your partner despite this risk is what develops trust and commitment. But, it’s not uncommon for long distance partners to suffer with trust issues because they feel so far away from each other and lack any control over life itself. Apart from that, when your partner is generally insecure and suspicious, it can be exhausting to constantly assure him or her of your commitment to the relationship. They may constantly misinterpret things you say or the activity on your social media and turn those into huge arguments.
Related post: The 5 worst long distance relationship red flags
How to save your long distance relationship
Now that we know what caused your relationship problems, let’s talk about the changes you can make to fix these issues as soon as possible.
1. Try to reconnect with each other
Set aside your negative feelings or resentment for a while and try to rekindle the romance in your relationship.
Focus on having meaningful conversations, stop sweating the small stuff, don’t be nit-picky and give your partner an opportunity to fix the relationship.
Shared experiences often nurture the connection you share with someone. So, to improve the relationship, focus on doing more things with your partner that promotes happiness and good memories.
2. Plan to meet as much as possible
What’s the main goal for a long distance relationship? To bridge the gap between the two of you. Most of the problems in a long distance relationship stem from a lack of direction.
When you can put your heads together and come up with a plan for being together in the near future, it can change the direction of your relationship.
It won’t be easy but if both of you are committed to making this work, you’ll always find a way to be with each other eventually.
Sometimes, this may require you to make a sacrifice and move closer to your partner. If they truly matter to you and it’s something you can do, try.
As long as you’re certain, it’s worth the risk.
3. Focus on communicating your feelings more effectively
Good communication focuses on problem solving and non-judgmental expression of emotions. Even though it’s not easy, you can develop the necessary skills to become a good communicator.
But, it starts with listening. If you pay attention to what your partner is saying, I’m more than certain that you’ll be able to figure out exactly what they need to feel happy in the relationship again.
When it comes to expressing yourself, forget about bickering and arguing.
Instead, focus on how something makes you feel rather than attacking your partner.
By explaining the consequences of their actions, they may feel more compassionate and respectful of how you feel in the future. You can either fight to prove your partner wrong or fight to be happy in your relationship.
Rarely, can you ever do both.
4. Keep things fun and spontaneous
When you’re limited to just texting and calling, things can become repetitive and monotonous.
This will worsen if you fall into a routine. The only way to keep things fun and spontaneous is to shake things up.
Call your partner at different times, talk about exciting and engaging topics on a regular basis, try getting into hobbies together that can be discussed over the phone and be flirty or romantic.
What you did to make your partner fall in love with you is what you should continue to do to keep them in love with you.
5. Don’t chase
When one of my serious long distance relationships was falling apart, I made the mistake of chasing after her and putting up with subpar treatment. My aim was to save the relationship but I sacrificed some of my self-worth and respect in order to do so.
What I failed to realize at the time was that you can’t force someone to make an effort if they don’t want to. You should always invest yourself in people who are willing to do the same. If you chase after someone who treats you poorly, it devalues your worth.
Instead of winning your partner back, it drives them further away and makes you feel like shit about yourself.
Make an effort but don’t behave like a dog who is desperately trying to get the attention of someone who just isn’t interested anymore.
Set better standards for yourself and don’t accept poor behavior.
I hope that the advice in this article helps you to save your relationship. It won’t be easy but I can assure you that you’ll have no regrets by mobilizing the techniques mentioned above.
Unless your partner has ended the relationship, you still have a chance to turn things around. This may require some introspection and a change in behavior but it’s something you can definitely do.
Work on becoming the best version of yourself because it will reflect in your relationships as well.
With that being said, I hope you leave this article on my long distance relationship is falling apart with a good plan of action. Feel free to leave your questions in the comment section below.