So, your ex reached out and then went silent. What does it mean? Should you text or call them again?
I don’t think you should, and here’s why.
After a breakup, the dumper will also experience some feelings of discomfort, loneliness, doubt, and uncertainty.
Depending on what is going on in their lives, especially romantically, they can be distracted by other people or confused and lonely because of other people.
This is when they face reality and entertain the idea of being with you again.
But, it’s also a time in which they are looking for easy validation and comfort.
Rather than contact you with the express purpose of reconciling, your ex will reach out just to gauge your level of attraction or interest in them.
Put differently, your ex wants to know if you are still hung up on them.
If you are, then this provides them with validation.
More importantly, it provides them with comfort because they believe that if things don’t work out in their dating life, you would be open to accepting them back into your life.
It upsets me to say this, but they are thinking of you as a backup plan.
You need to read this article: What are avoidants attracted to?
They Are Trying To Breadcrumb You
There’s also the possibility that your ex is curious about you.
The silence from no contact has been deafening, and they want some assurance that you are still open to communicating with them.
So, they reach out.
Even in this case, their intention is to appease their own curiosity and validate themselves.
When an ex reaches out but is flaky or non-committal, we call this breadcrumbing.
Allow me to explain breadcrumbing.
The dumper reaches out and says just enough to gain your attention without committing to anything.
They may go so far as to tease the idea of missing you or wanting to reconcile without actually telling you that they want another chance to be in a relationship with you.
Once they get what they’re looking for, they go silent again.
Alternatively, when someone else enters the picture or the other person who rejected them comes back, they disappear to pursue that person instead.
I can’t begin to tell you how often my coaching clients experienced this before reaching out to me.
What’s sad about this is that it has the potential to set you back emotionally.
As you are most certainly aware of, it takes a lot of time and hard work to adjust to life after a breakup.
Being single again requires you to deal with the suffering of a breakup while remaining in love with or attached to your ex.
It’s also common to lose sight of who you are without your ex because the relationship affected your identity to a great degree.
The kind of pain felt during this phase is overwhelming, and time is a necessary metric of healing and growth.
The fact that your ex came back and built your hopes up only to disappear again is detrimental to the work you have put into accepting reality.
You need to read this article: Should I contact my ex?
Do Not Reach Out To Your Ex Who Ghosted You
You may consider the idea of reaching out to your ex. Perhaps, you want to do something to figure out why they went silent after reaching out.
But, more often than not, your attempts will fall on deaf ears.
You may end up hearing something you don’t like or facing rejection all over again.
For these reasons, it is best to let your ex go.
By this, I mean that you should do nothing.
Do not teach your ex that it is acceptable for them to ghost you. In fact, I would argue that you would be rewarding your ex for ghosting you by trying to make them explain or communicate with you.
The best thing you can do is let them leave.
- Don’t say or do anything to get them back.
- Don’t give your ex any attention.
- Do not let them know that you are wishing for any form of contact with them.
At the same time, approach this as the final straw.
Don’t give your ex another chance to contact you and waste your time.
If they do, keep the conversation short. Don’t give them any details about your feelings or love life, and offer to meet if they don’t.
This is a good test to determine interest and to rule out those who want to breadcrumb you.
If they make an excuse for not seeing you, don’t bother with them.
On the off chance that you still want to reconcile with your ex, please listen to me and remain indifferent to them.
When they reach out to you in the future, do not express your feelings to them.
By all means, if you are in a great space, show it to your ex, but do not direct your emotions towards them.
Don’t let them know how you feel about them or whether you are hoping to reconcile.
By removing all the easy validation your ex could get from reaching out, you appear to be more mysterious and challenging.
Both of these things are highly attractive to someone who is interested in you to some degree.
You must have the attitude that it is your ex’s duty to create an opportunity for the two of you to reconcile if they ended the relationship.
This ensures that you do not behave desperately toward your ex in any way.
You need to read this article: Does absence make your ex miss you?
I am quite certain that your ex will be back soon.
Either this was a test to see if you would chase them or they got some validation from you, which was their ulterior motive.
Believe me, it will run out unless they start dating again or they meet someone else.
If they don’t and you avoid reaching out, curiosity will strike again and they will experience that desire to reach out to you.
When they do, handle things differently this time by remaining indifferent and letting them do most of the work.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on why your ex reached out and then went silent to be eye-opening and helpful. If you would like my help on this matter, check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package and how to get in touch with me.