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My Ex Came Back After Months Of No Contact. What Should I Do?

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Most breakups trigger feelings of certain loss. The idea that your ex can leave and come back seems impossible. But, in reality, it’s never quite that simple. No contact has been known to help people re-attract an ex. But, what should you do if your ex came back after months of no contact? 

Your ex came back after months of no contact and has created the perfect opportunity for you to reconnect with him or her. Approach the situation with the attitude of starting over whilst acknowledging the past in a healthy and productive manner. Don’t chase your ex or bring up the topic of getting back together. You want to remind your ex of why they liked you in the first place while also creating feelings of desire by letting them wonder about your feelings.

Before you make any decision on what to do now that your ex came back after no contact, it’s important to examine how you feel and whether it’s a good idea for you to rebuild attraction and closeness with your ex.

Not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime and a lot of people will pass through your life, teaching important lessons that mold you into a stronger, smarter and happier person.

The time spent between the breakup and your ex contacting you is unpredictable. But, how you spend that time is probably the most important thing within your control.

For the best chance to have a second round of a relationship or to heal and move on, you have to spend this time seeking out lessons from your previous relationship and the breakup. 

The first thing you have to work on is the attitude you hold towards breakups.

If you look at the dissolution of a relationship as an opportunity to learn something and to grow, you’ll heal and rebuild in the best possible way.

If you don’t, well, you’re doomed to repeat the past or worse, create a future that’s worse than the past. 

So, before you make any decision, examine whether you have healed and grown as a person through the breakup.

What are the lessons you have learned since the end of your relationship and in the time that you’ve spent by yourself?

The next question to ask yourself is whether it’s healthy and wise for you to communicate with your ex and possibly re-invite him or her back into your life. 

I’m willing to bet that your answers to these questions will guide you to make the right decision.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about loss.

As much as we try to hold onto people, it’s inevitable that we will lose them to breakups or worse, death.

It’s unhealthy to avoid all relationships because of loss.

Instead, what we should be considering is the type of memories and feelings people leave us with. 

When someone leaves your life, if the memories left behind are painful because of deception, abuse, infidelity and/or disappointment, is it really in your best interest to let them back into your life or into your heart?

Should you allow someone to enter your life again who prioritized their own selfish desires or needs at the cost of your well-being and sense of self?

I don’t think so. 

Even if you deeply love that person, you have to set them free as a loving gesture to yourself. 

Do not allow yourself to be a crash test dummy for another person. 

But, I would be remiss not to mention the importance of forgiveness and second chances.

There will be times in life when someone who left wants to work their way back into your life. 

They may have been good to you and their intentions are pure. Your feelings may still remain and the genuine desire to explore a relationship with them persists. In such an instance, I struggle to find many reasons why you shouldn’t.

Not all relationships end due to malicious intentions or deal-breaking behavior.

Distance, misunderstandings and other life circumstances can separate two people at a specific time. 

Perhaps, you’ve reached a time that facilitates reconciliation and if you desire to explore this, you should. 

Related post: Can a man come back to you?

Steps On How To Get Your Ex Back After No Contact

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Step 1: Don’t immediately go back to the breakup topic

Bringing up a painful and negative aspect of the past when you just met your ex after no contact isn’t a great way of nurturing those exciting emotions like attraction and desire. 

You would make a better impression by focusing on the attributes that attracted them to you in the first place.

They’ve probably been away from you for long enough to start missing the good parts of you and being with you.

By leaning into that, you’re going to create an even more compelling argument for why they made the right decision to come back to you. 

You won’t regret showing your best side to an ex after a break in contact, that’s for certain.

It shows confidence and maturity as well as growth, which is attractive and respectable.

Even if you feel quite upset over the past, it may not be the time to bring it up if you’re trying to get your ex back.

On the flip side, if you’re looking for closure and you don’t care about getting back with your ex, then go ahead and speak your truth.

Give yourself the opportunity to move on by emotionally liberating yourself at this time. Say what you want and let the cards fall where they may. 

Related post: Should you be chasing after an ex or not?

Step 2: Meet and have a chat to reconnect

You won’t know exactly how you feel about someone until you have a conversation with them in person. 

Think of the many times you reconnected with someone you liked from the past, even an ex, and spent some time with them after ages.

How often did you actually leave that interaction feeling as strongly as you once did in the past?

Based on your experience, it will give you an idea of what to expect.

Personally, whenever I reconnected with someone from my past, I never quite felt the same about them ever again.

There have been times when I even felt like someone was completely unattractive to me despite feeling a strong attraction for them in the past.

We are all growing and depending on how you and your ex have spent the last couple of months apart, it could be something that draws you closure or separates you even more.

If you’re looking for a definite answer, it’s best to meet and talk. 

You’ll either get closure to move on or you’ll experience all those feelings of desire and attraction again.

Related post: He seems interested in person but not over text

Step 3: Let them pursue you 

As a rule of thumb, never chase an ex who dumped you unless they’re still interested in you and ended the relationship because you genuinely messed up.

You can’t be rejected by an ex who dumped you if you aren’t the one pursuing them.

What this means is that you should let them do all the calling and texting until they bring up wanting to meet or get back together.

Your level of initiation should be greatly reduced compared to the effort you made in the past because your ex doesn’t deserve that effort as yet.

Since they decided to end the relationship, it is only right and fair for them to put in the work to get it back.

If you don’t follow this step, you’re going to diminish the amount of desire your ex has for winning you back.

It seems counterintuitive but, trust me, there’s merit to this.

Related post: When you stop caring she starts chasing

Step 4: Wait until they bring up the topic of getting back together

There are times when an ex will come back only for attention or to remedy the feeling of loneliness that they are experiencing.

It is not in your best interests to be used for either. 

When rekindling a relationship, the most successful people are those who allow mystery and uncertainty to create excitement and desire. 

I can assure you that any person with a strong enough desire to reconcile will swallow their pride and find a way to proposition their ex for a second chance.

Also, your ex may be interested in the idea of getting back together but uncertain of whether or not they really want to.

Bringing it up prematurely may hurt your chances of getting back together.

For these reasons, it is best to exercise some patience during the reconnection phase.

Related post: Can you get an avoidant ex back?

Final Thoughts

I’m sure that you are excited, confused or even upset that your ex came back after months of no contact. We’ve all been there at some point or the other. But, what you must focus on is your own interest.

It’s difficult to realign focus from your ex back to yourself but it is imperative that you try to do this for the sake of your happiness and your future.

There are some cases when getting back together is a good idea but more often than not, it results in further heartbreak and suffering.

When you make decisions from a space of power, confidence and self-love, you are more likely to make decisions that benefit your future in contrast to decisions made from a space of desperation and loneliness.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do if your ex came back after months of no contact. If you would like to share your thoughts or questions with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.

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