My Boyfriend Doesn’t Talk To Me Like He Used To!

It can be disheartening and extremely scary when your partner appears uninvested or disconnected from the relationship. Women are more perceptive about these things, and you may notice when your boyfriend begins to change. This begs a very common question, “What does it mean if my boyfriend doesn’t talk to me like he used to?”

More often than not, this is indicative of laziness stemming from comfort due to the security that comes from a committed relationship. People have the tendency to overlook what they have easy access to, and this is one of the most common reasons why women end up feeling unloved and unnoticed in a serious relationship.

Additional to this is the possibility that he is straying by communicating with other women in a manner that should only be reserved for you. He could be cheating, losing interest, or looking to distance himself until he’s ready to leave the relationship.

There are many factors to consider, and I wouldn’t advise anyone to jump to extreme conclusions. But, at the same time, don’t ignore this feeling because it won’t go away on its own. 

As much as it’s true that all relationships go through ebbs and flows, you have to make an effort to remain committed.

You need to read this article: What you should do if he doesn’t care about your feelings

How To Use Commitment To Keep Things Fun In A Relationship

What do I mean by this?

Allow me to explain.

There’s this misconception in relationships that commitment just means exclusivity. But, in reality, it has deeper implications that shouldn’t be overlooked. 

Being committed to your partner means that you intentionally make an effort to connect with them on a regular basis. To love, pay attention, communicate, provide, and receive in a manner that benefits the relationship is what commitment entails.

Can you imagine how wonderful your relationships could be if people woke up every day, counted their blessings, and expressed their commitment in this way?

Perhaps, your boyfriend hasn’t been doing this lately, but you should.

So, on your end, you have a commitment to express this lack of communication to him. But, it also means explaining what type of communication from him makes you feel loved, seen, and heard in the relationship.

Now, I understand that there’s an expectation that your partner should know what you need. However, wouldn’t you agree that it’s more loving and healthy to express those needs during issues like this?

Doing so gives the relationship its best chance to succeed.

Also, if he makes an effort after this conversation and you begin to feel it, you will be too happy and grateful to remain hung up on this desire for him to have figured it out himself.

Here’s another important thing to keep in mind.

If it doesn’t work out, you won’t have to shoulder much regret for not trying because you did. 

Also, doing this removes the possibility of your boyfriend claiming that he wasn’t aware of any issues in the relationship.

A man who truly cares about you and is worthy to be your spouse will make the adjustments needed to work through this issue.

Couples tend to struggle with what constitutes quality time.

Quality time refers to time spent together, fostering closeness and love.

How do you do that?

By partaking in the same activities with the same attitude you both had during the courtship or early days of the relationship.

Couples who learn how to maintain courtship within their relationship tend to be far more passionate and fulfilled with each other.

The two of you should make an effort to do the kind of things that brought you together. Alternatively, find activities that excite both of you and require an investment of focus.

Dress up and make an effort to look good for each other during quality dates. 

Make eye contact, ask questions, joke around with each other, and be vulnerable by sharing your feelings.

Share this with him, and observe if he participates in these changes with you.

You need to read this article: Can you reattract someone who lost interest?

Are You Talking Too Often With Your Boyfriend?

Every relationship requires space to thrive.

Even if you’re married and living together, it’s important to have some distance from each other.

This seems counterintuitive, especially since you feel frustration and disconnection because he doesn’t talk to you like he used to.

Perhaps, you’ve been trying to combat or fix this problem with more effort and time spent together.

What if the solution is to give each other a bit of space to miss each other?

I’m not saying that you should ignore each other or stop talking to him.

But, maybe you don’t have to be texting with him all the time. 

How about you let him reach out to you for a change instead of being the one to constantly call or message?

When he does, at least you’ll know that he took the initiative to connect with you.

To some degree, that has to make you feel important, or else he wouldn’t have bothered.

I’m guilty of this.

With the advent of instant messaging, I took full advantage of the access I had to people.

I’d happily sit on the phone all day and night with my exes, but it wasn’t actually healthy for either of us.

It’s so easy to fall into a rut or get stuck in boredom with each other because you’re always communicating and talking to each other.

By no means did it ever feel annoying or irritating.

It stemmed from love, but it was also a manifestation of need.

And neediness isn’t really healthy in romantic relationships. It has some place and some benefit in certain moments, but for the most part, it’s a desire that trumps need. 

You want to connect with each other out of a fiery desire to be together.

Conversations are more exciting, passionate, fun, and romantic when there’s that burning desire, and I haven’t found a single way to maintain that desire in a long term relationship outside of having a healthy amount of space from each other.

For example, rather than texting each other all day long, maybe leave your phone aside when you’re at the gym working out or when you’re focusing at work.

Check in on your partner from time to time, respond to messages as well, but don’t just multitask on your phone 24/7 with your partner.

Even just a few hours of space from each other can rectify this issue and bring back the enthusiasm you both feel to communicate and talk with each other.

It’s important to note that if he doesn’t respond well to this and it creates a further divide between the two of you, something else is going on.

Then you can start looking into the possibility of him talking to someone else, or whatever it may be.

You need to read this article: What he thinks when you don’t contact him

Final Thoughts

Communication issues that are not a symptom of something more malicious or sinister can definitely be fixed with a few adjustments.

If the relationship is wonderful in every other way, try to communicate your feelings to him along with the suggestions I’ve shared with you above.

Give it some time, and give him a chance to court you properly.

It may not happen immediately, but if he makes the right changes, before you know it, things will feel great again, and you’ll have the type of communication that makes you feel heard and understood.

If things don’t improve or you notice that he’s combative or dismissive, try these ideas, but then be prepared to walk away.

With that being said, I hope you found this article helpful in understanding what it means if my boyfriend doesn’t talk to me like he used to. If you’d like to work with me through a specific relationship problem, check out my services page for more information on my email coaching package.