Long distance relationship problems can be difficult to solve if you are unprepared on how to deal with them. I feel like the best cure is prevention. Don’t wait for these issues to creep up on you. By then, it could be the start of the end.
Instead, learn about why and how these long distance relationship problems form so that you can prevent them from destroying your love life.
For some reason, I’ve had an affinity towards long distance relationships.
At this moment in time, I’ve probably been in 4 of them over the last decade or so.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Each time, I’ve gotten better and better at navigating these relationships and dealing with the unique problems presented by distance and a digital connection.
I strongly encourage you to study the advice in this article and catch the long distance relationship red flags before you invest too much of yourself in a doomed relationship.
And for those relationships that are genuinely good for your heart and soul, it would be wise for you to do everything you can to nurture them until you can be in close proximity with your loved ones.
Here’s a quick look at the 12 long distance relationship problems we are going to discuss in this article.
- Drifting apart.
- Getting bored.
- Feeling lonely.
- Sexual frustration.
- Trust issues.
- Being lazy to make an effort.
- The struggle with temptation.
- Losing hope and sight for the future.
- Feelings disconnected from reality.
With that being said, let’s get straight into these long distance relationship problems so that we can understand how they show up in real life scenarios.
1. Drifting apart
When you’re in a long distance relationship for a while, the physical distance can often start affecting your heart and mind.
Eventually, texting and calling doesn’t cut it the way it once did.
Unless you’re able to bridge the gap between the two of you, it becomes difficult for either of you to maintain a strong sense of closeness.
At the end of the day, we need to be realistic and acknowledge the deficits of a long distance relationship.
Ordinarily, all the effort you make towards being with your partner manifests in the best and most fulfilled way.
Put simply, you can connect on a physical, intellectual and emotional level all at the same time.
Like a tripod, a healthy relationship requires all three elements of companionship to be satisfied to enjoy the fruits of a relationship at its best.
When one of those things is missing, the relationship and connection can never truly reach it’s peak.
Thus, couples start to feel like they’re going around in circles without ever reaching a destination.
In time, even the feelings and intellectual connection gets affected causing you both to drift apart.
The solution: Try to meet as often as possible.
Apart from meeting in person, try to court each other and find ways to do fun things together even if it’s online.
Get into mobile gaming, have Skype movie dates, take up a course together and spend time expressing your feelings.
Related post: 8 Long distance relationship break up signs
2. Getting bored
Irrespective of how much you try to keep a long distance relationship fun, monotony and boredom sets in after some time if you don’t meet often.
It happens to most relationships but more commonly in these situations because there’s only so much you can do over the phone.
I’ve run into this problem myself and it’s a tough situation to navigate because what can you really do about it?
Unless you’re willing to meet as soon as possible to make things exciting again, you just have to weather the storm.
Getting bored is awful because it plants the seed of doubt into your mind.
And this can eat away at your happiness because two conflicting thoughts and feelings battle with each other.
On one hand, you may really love and care about your partner but on the other hand, you’re feeling bored and disinterested which ends up negatively influencing your behavior with them.
The solution: Break up the monotony of a routine by changing the times you call each other.
Spend some time apart without superficial text messages to create desire and spice up the fun you have.
3. Feeling lonely
There’s something really special about being in the presence of someone who truly understands you on a deeper level and who you love with all your heart.
The trust, joy, happiness, desire and care is unparalleled.
Unfortunately, you don’t get to experience much of that when the person you want to be with is thousands of miles away.
It really hurts to pine for someone you’re in a relationship with but can’t actually have in person.
Pining evolves into sadness which then evolves into loneliness. The more couples you see around you, the lonelier you feel.
It becomes a reminder of what you have digitally but not in reality.
The solution: When you feel this way, open up to your partner.
Use communication as a tool to express yourself and give your lover the opportunity to connect with you on a deeper level.
Sometimes, in sharing your pain, you develop a stronger bond with someone that dulls other negative emotions.
Related post: The only long distance relationship advice you need
4. Sexual frustration
It doesn’t matter who you are and what you’ve been through, denying your desire will always create more of it.
There’s nothing wrong with that, especially if you belong to a culture or religion that advocates sex after marriage.
But, that doesn’t change the fact that you will feel desire for your partner and it will create some frustration within you.
That frustration can often result in irritability and passive-aggressive behavior towards your partner and people in general.
The solution: There are ways to satisfy each other online. Flirt, talk dirty to each and have some fun over a video call.
Dealing with jealousy in a long distance relationship is tough.
At least, for me, it was because you have so little control over what happens in your love life due to the distance.
It’s not like you can truly celebrate your relationship and put your best foot forward.
In that scenario, you can remain secure and hope for the best because you’re doing everything necessary to be a good partner.
But you don’t feel that way in a long distance relationship. Those feelings of loneliness, desire, insecurity and so forth that you feel get projected onto your partner.
This makes you consider the possibility of someone else coming along and catching your partner’s eye and attention.
I like to think of jealousy and security as opposite sides of a coin.
When one side is up, the other is down.
When you’re secure in the relationship, you don’t feel much jealousy. And when you’re battling jealousy, it’s because you’re feeling insecure in your relationship.
The solution: I would advise you to set those feelings aside or channel it towards upping your game as a partner.
Try to refrain from engaging with people who may try to hit on you online. Spare your partner from that unnecessary stress.
Jealousy can be a healthy emotion so long as you don’t allow it to rule your mind and heart.
Related post: The 5 worst long distance relationship red flags
6. Trust issues
Trust issues stem from miscommunication, jealousy, insecurity and loneliness.
So, you can just imagine how much more they can be amplified when all of those long distance relationship problems creep up on you.
Trust issues can really influence a person or couple to act in a ridiculous and toxic manner.
From being overly controlling to constantly accusing your partner of infidelity, this behavior can destroy love and happiness.
The solution: Communication is pivotal in this situation.
Have an open and non-confrontational dialogue with your partner.
At the end of the day, you can never truly stop someone from cheating. So, you shouldn’t try to control them.
Give them space and freedom to choose you.
That’s how trust develops and grows.
Being controlling or overly possessive will stifle and overwhelm your partner to the point of them wanting to escape the relationship.
If I were to pinpoint the most common long distance relationship problem, it would be this.
Miscommunication is the number one reason why most relationships fail, especially long distance relationships.
Not having visual cues to work with often handicaps your ability to interpret a conversation correctly.
It’s so easy for statements and questions to be misinterpreted or taken out of context. I’ve been in that situation often.
It’s far too easy to say things over text or on a call that one may ordinarily not say in that manner if it were an in-person conversation.
Miscommunication can often lead to boredom, dissatisfaction, constant bickering, arguments and insecurity within a long distance relationship.
All of which will compound and worsen the communication problems.
The solution: The first thing you should do to improve communication in a relationship is to pay attention!
Listen when your partner is trying to express their feelings and thoughts.
Secondly, don’t be passive-aggressive or confrontational.
Focus on the problem and situation at hand rather than blaming each other.
Related post: When to let go of a long distance relationship
8. Being lazy to make an effort
Like most things in life, the more you do something, the easier it becomes. But, on the flip side, it also becomes monotonous.
Rather than be excited, present and engaged, we tend to automate our lives.
People are wired towards routines and habits.
The moment we get a chance to fall into a comfort zone, our brains will gravitate towards it.
And what happens when we lose enthusiasm and interest in the things we do often, they tend to get neglected.
We put in the least amount of effort and focus on doing the bare minimum just to get by.
Laziness is definitely one of the long-distance relationship problems to be wary of.
It can diminish attraction and often leaves one or both of you feeling unloved, unappreciated and unheard.
The solution: No matter how busy you get, always make time to communicate with your partner.
Even if that means setting aside 30 minutes at night to talk with them undisturbed and without distractions.
It’s easy to say things over text that you ordinarily wouldn’t say in person. Take a moment to reflect on whether your text is something you actually want to say to your partner.
Avoid being judgmental and passive-aggressive. Long distance relationship problems can only be fixed as a team and without playing the blame game.
9. The struggle with temptation
Remember how we talked about everyone having desires and needs?
That applies to this section because I would be wrong not to mention the influence of temptation on long distance relationships.
It’s difficult dealing with people in your immediate surrounding who are interested in you that could fulfill all your needs in a relationship.
Temptation enters your mind. I felt terribly guilty about this in the past.
I never acted on it but when the yearning and loneliness add up, it’s something you think about.
Those with good morals and values who genuinely care about the sanctity of their relationship will remain faithful and loyal.
They’re able to understand that the feelings they have are actually a manifestation of what they want with their partner.
Those who are weak-minded, disloyal and impulsive tend to allow the struggle with the temptation to influence them into cheating and infidelity.
The solution: The only thing worth mentioning is to be brutally honest with your partner at all times. Don’t put yourself in a position to make a mistake or to betray your partner.
10. Losing hope and sight of the future
I approach every relationship as a journey packed with opportunities to grow as an individual and a team.
Couples who set goals for their relationship and work at improving their lives together tend to stay together.
Like most things in life, if you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.
I don’t believe relationships can stay the same for an indefinite period of time.
You’re either growing with each other or growing apart from each other.
Couple goals go a long way in keeping the two of you connected and motivated to keep the relationship healthy.
Let’s ask ourselves something – what’s the number one goal for a long distance relationship?
To close the distance.
Having a goal to eventually live together and enjoy the fruits of a beautiful in-person relationship is the ultimate realization and potential of a long distance relationship.
Without this goal, the relationship is headed nowhere.
At the point when hope is lost, it becomes extremely difficult for the relationship to thrive or even survive.
The solution: Create a vision board with your partner and keep it near you on a daily basis.
Discuss your future together regularly and support each other in the pursuit of closing the distance between you two.
When you have a plan of action at play, it truly combats this problem.
Related post: Why is my long distance boyfriend always busy?
Imagine having long distance relationship problems and instead of communicating and being helpful, your partner stonewalls you.
They stop taking your calls and ignore your texts.
Their end goal isn’t to calm down and return level headed but to manipulate you into accepting what they say and want.
There’s no way a long distance relationship with stonewalling can last.
It will break down because communication is the number one and only source of fuel for this type of relationship.
You don’t have the luxury of seeing each other and working through things in person.
A partner who stonewalls you will often be passive-aggressive, confrontational and extremely difficult to reason with.
The solution: If you’re guilty of stonewalling, make a conscious effort to communicate with your partner.
This may require you to set aside your ego and prioritize the relationship, even if that means enduring frustration.
No problem can be fixed by ignoring your loved one.
If you’re being stonewalled, don’t chase your partner.
This will only validate their toxic behavior. Instead, make a genuine effort and then step aside.
Wait until they reach out to you thereafter.
12. Feeling disconnected from reality
I remember a time in my life when I spent almost all day sitting on the phone with my girlfriend.
I’m talking calls that lasted hours and text messages that went on and on.
We were talking all the time and at first, I enjoyed it because we were in love.
Unfortunately, you can’t do this for a long period of time before it starts to negatively affect your life.
I began to feel extremely disconnected from real work and those around me.
Eventually, I started to feel depressed.
Focusing on just one area of your life and completely neglecting everything else is a recipe for disaster.
And this is something a lot of long distance couples tend to battle with. It creeps up on you unexpectedly.
I’ve seen people lose good friends and jobs because of this.
It’s not healthy for you or the relationship. You should never make your partner the only source of happiness in your life.
That burden is too much for any relationship to bear.
The solution: Avoid sitting on your phone all day. Your relationship will be fine for a few hours.
Focus on your life as an individual and engage with those around you. Set aside time to improve yourself and don’t neglect health and wellness.
If you’re happy as an individual outside of your relationship, you’re more likely to be happy within the relationship.
Give your partner the space to do these things as well.
Long distance relationships do come with their unique set of problems but they are nothing to be scared of.
With effort and a good attitude, you can overcome most of these problems.
Work with your partner, not against them.
I like to believe that if it’s in your destiny to be with this person, no amount of distance will really keep you apart in the long run.
I hope that you found this article on long distance relationship problems to be helpful and insightful. Please fell free to share your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.
If you want to maximize the chances of you meeting someone who will not only knock your socks off but treat you in the manner that you deserve, then you need to know what you should look for in a...
When we invest ourselves in people who don’t care about us, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people who genuinely deserve to belong in our lives. But, most of us can’t decipher...