I’ve been in my fair share of long-distance relationships, the last of which lasted almost 4 years. The distance between two lovers can often drive a wedge between each other that can’t be fixed. This is why it’s important to familiarize yourself with as much good long distance relationship advice as possible to prevent this from happening.
There must be an eagerness to communicate, equal effort and attention from both individuals, a solid plan of eventually living closer to each other and complete investment in making the relationship work.
Anything less and you’re facing a strong uphill battle that rarely ends well for most people.
What I’ve come to realize about long distance relationships is that they require a lot of willpower and commitment.
If you are someone who is unable to spend a significant amount of time without your partner, it’s going to be hard for you.
That’s where communication and effort plays a huge role.
You need to be with someone who is willing to text, chat and video call often so as to maintain the health of your relationship.
The ability to see each other, even if it’s months later, needs to be on the agenda. Every article on long distance relationship advice advocates the reunion that must take place as often as possible. It’s CRITICAL!
Without actually meeting in person, the relationship can fall into a comfort zone that starts to lose its value and emotional strength.
I highly recommend you read that article so that you can adequately and fairly assess the status of your relationship and whether it can be salvaged after significant issues or damage.
With that being said, let’s take a look at all the long distance relationship advice available from all my years of experience and research conducted on the topic.
1. Good communication on a daily basis
Unlike a conventional in person relationship, daily communication is instrumental in keeping a long distance relationship healthy and strong.
This may take the form of texts, calls and video calls.
Setting aside time in the morning or night to have a good conversation with your partner will go a long way in the success of your relationship.
In my healthiest and happiest long distance relationships, we always made it a priority to chat or call every night when we got into bed.
It was a time to be caring, loving and relaxed. We updated each other on our day and what we planned to do the next day.
Some people advocate not talking every day but I think that’s shortsighted and more damaging in practical application.
On the flip side, talking all the time is unhealthy. You have to schedule time to actually live your life and pursue individual goals.
2. Undivided attention and quality effort
That brings me to my next point – undivided attention and quality effort are non-negotiable in a healthy relationship.
Often, time zones and life can cause a bit of an issue for any long distance couple.
Rather than allowing those issues to prevent you both from bonding, it is absolutely critical that both partner prioritize each other at some point in the day.
When communicating, do so without being distracted by other things.
During those night time conversations with my partner, we made a pact to talk only to each other and not be on our phones with other people or on social media sites.
This undivided quality time becomes the moments that strengthen the relationship and keep you happy even though you’re physically apart.
3. Mutual effort to meet
Every long-distance relationship must have one end goal – to close the distance.
Whether that be on a temporary or permanent basis, being in the presence of each other is the ultimate goal.
It is this inevitable reunion that helps us weather the storm caused by missing from each others lives for an extended period of time.
A healthy long distance relationship is built on the understanding that both parties will find a way to be with each other.
The effort has to be mutual. If only one partner is making all the effort, it won’t be long before the relationship crumbles.
4. Be completely transparent with your partner
Here’s the thing, there are some key differences to a normal relationship as compared to a long distance relationship.
You have to disclose more information, update your partner more often on your plans, be completely transparent about where you’re at in life and how you’re feeling about the relationship.
There’s not many visual cues available for your partner to pick up on if something is wrong.
I’ll give you an example – if you’re feeling mellow or if something your partner said or did affect you, normally you’d project that with a change of mood, physical behavior and overall demeanor.
That’s not available to you in a long distance relationship.
This means that you must be willing to calmly explain in detail how you feel, why you feel that way and what caused it.
It’s frustrating because most people don’t want to calmly explain why they’re mad or hurt when they’re in the middle of feeling mad or hurt but it’s something you must learn to do.
5. Trust and commit completely
Without faith, there is no belief and trust between each other. You can’t force faith because that defeats the entire point of belief.
Long distance relationships usually require a sense of blind faith in your partner.
You can’t be policing who your partner is communicating with all the time.
You can’t scan every guy or girl who likes your partner’s images or posts on social media all the time.
That’s crazy talk.
You have to be more vulnerable in this form of dating.
It’s not easy and you may battle some demons like jealously and insecurity from time to time but it’s nothing that communication can’t handle.
Rather than having an outburst by something you see happening on your partner’s social media, give him or her the benefit of the doubt.
Speak about it calmly, explain how it affects you or why it’s inappropriate and give your partner the opportunity to fix it.
Here’s what you can’t do – be overly controlling or suspicious.
It will completely ruin your relationship.
My ideology in relationships is this – I expect you not to cheat on me. I will not try to stop you either. If you do it, be prepared to lose me.
It’s as simple as that.
If you have to constantly be doing things to prevent your partner from cheating, then is that the kind of relationship you want to be in?
On the opposite end of the spectrum, imagine how suffocating that is to someone who actually loves you and wouldn’t cheat on you but is constantly put in a position of defending themselves for no valid reason!
Check out this article on how to deal with the fear of being cheated on as it falls into the category of long distance relationship advice you need.
6. Be intimate regularly
This is a rough one because you really can’t replace in person real intimacy but that shouldn’t stop you from finding other ways of being involved with each other.
Whether this involves phone calls, texting or video intimacy, do what you must to keep the romance burning strong.
Not everyone is comfortable with doing this and I understand. But, sexual tension or intimacy in general requires some form of satisfaction.
Without it, you’ll experience a sense of frustration and tension building within the relationship that often manifests in arguments and bickering.
Flirt with each other, talk dirty, be spontaneous in your replies and just have fun.
7. Do things together
Just because you’re physically apart, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy each others company through fun couple building activities.
At one point, my ex and I took up blogging as a unit and that became a regular fixture in both of our lives.
We discussed it in detail and scheduled our blog work around the same time.
It was so much fun and worked wonders at teaching us how to communicate more effectively and productively.
My current girlfriend and I are living in different cities at the moment. To combat the distance between us during this lockdown phase, we are scheduling movie nights and books to read.
During our ‘dates’, we either do a video call or actively spend that time reading or watching the same movie followed by discussing it with each other.
If you’re a gamer, download PubG or Fortnite and play in a squad with your partner.
Whatever it may be, find ways of doing fun activities together online.
If I were to summarize this long distance relationship advice in two words, it would be this – have fun.
8. Exploit the distance and be romantic
Think of all the people who wish they could write letters to their significant other or create videos and gifts to mail the old fashion way. Better yet, visit their partner as a surprise.
You literally have the opportunity of authentically doing all those romantic gestures for each other.
Exploit that ability! I know I do and it’s awesome!
There’s something really humbling and satisfying by making your partner feel so love and surprised by sending a simple heartfelt letter or a handmade gift.
Don’t approach this long distance as a handicap and you’ll find many ways to make it a special experience for both of you.
9. Don’t get too close to other people and avoid dangerous situations
This is a big one. Not all people who cheat in long distance relationships do it because they don’t actually love their partner.
In fact, it’s often a manifestation of pent up feelings for their partner that is distorted by the desire to be with someone in person.
It’s not excusable at all. All I’m simply stating is that you are more vulnerable to making a bad decision than the average couple.
Don’t put yourself in the position of making a mistake.
It is imperative that you maintain a healthy distance from people who you could be attracted to, atleast until you’re in a more stable and comfortable stage of your relationship.
If you’re feeling lonely or in need of affection, channel that towards your long-distance partner.
10. Never engage in silent treatment
I remember a time when my ex and I had broke up after being in a long distance relationship for years and one of the contributing factors to the breakup was mishandling disagreements.
You simply cannot work through an issue without proper communication.
If you need a day or two to calm down, that’s okay, go for it.
Let your partner know that it’s just for a day until you can think clearly.
But if you stop talking altogether, freeze your partner out and do so indefinitely despite your partner making an attempt to contact you, be prepared to kiss your relationship goodbye.
Any self-respecting person will not put up with that kind of behavior from a partner, especially if they are reaching out to you in a caring manner.
11. Break up the monotony
Let me be honest with you, the longer you’re with someone, the likelier you are to hit patches of boredom!
That’s when the importance of compatibility, effort and personalities come into play.
Good looks are not going to make any difference when you reach a relationship plateau. You need to be with someone who can stimulate you intellectually as well.
So that is something to consider when dating long distance. Is this someone who can stimulate me intellectually?
If so, you have a high probability of sailing through bored or stale patches relatively fast.
Then you need to actively break up the monotony of the routine!
Rather than calling your partner at the same time every single day nonstop, change it up from time to time.
When you meet, try new things and visit new places.
12. Focus on yourself
I cannot begin to emphasize enough the importance of self-care and self-development.
It promotes positivity, good habits and a calmer mindset.
How we show up relationships is often a reflection of how we show up in life as an individual.
If you are unhappy as a person, it will place an extremely heavy burden on your partner to fill that void of happiness.
Eventually, it will affect your partner and the relationship negatively.
Make time to focus on yourself regularly. Chase after a dream. Build habits. Exercise and improve your appearance.
Live a well-rounded life and you will have very little to complain about.
Part of why it is so highly recommended to wait until you are happy as a single person before entering a relationship is because of this very same reason.
If you’re unhappy with your life as a person, it will spill over into your relationship.
The only way in which you can give your long-distance relationship a fair chance at succeeding is by taking care of yourself as an individual.
13. Plan and discuss couple goals
“Failing to plan is planning to fail.” I absolutely love that quote because it rings true for most things in life.
Most of us want to progress in things that require our time and investment. If you’re with someone long enough, they expect a certain level of progression in the relationship.
So, what’s the plan for your relationship?
- How many times per year are you going to see each other?
- When can you move closer to each other?
- When will you meet the folks?
- When can you move in together?
These are the kind of things you actually need to discuss in a long-distance relationship so that it gives both of you something to focus on when things get rough.
Make a list of all your couple goals and keep it close on hand. I like this particular piece of long distance relationship advice because it’s very practical in nature.
14. Make it official and set boundaries
Let your family and friends know you’re in a long distance relationship. Put it out into the world and make it feel as real as it is.
Some people make the mistake of completely separating their relationship from their life.
It’s a bad route to go down.
By integrating your partner into your family and friend circle, he or she become a more visible part of your life.
It has a positive effect on your mindset long term.
Also, making it official requires setting some boundaries. Discuss expectations and limitations. These will serve you well in keeping each other happy and avoiding behavior that could ruin your relationship.
15. Focus on the benefits of being in a long distance relationship
By all means, support each other through rough times and acknowledge when either of you misses the other.
But, you’re also in a perfect position to enjoy this situation.
They say that what you focus on multiplies. So if you focus on the positives of a long distance relationship, you can find joy, happiness and reason to celebrate it.
Think about this – long distance relationships provide you with the space to focus 100% on the important aspects of your life when required.
When you are together, you can focus all of your attention on your partner. This includes going out, being intimate, talking, cuddling, bonding, trying new things, so on and so forth.
You can be completely dialed in since you weren’t together for a period of time.
And when you are apart, you can focus most of your attention on other areas of your life.
One of the challenges couples face is finding time for themselves. You can actually do that without any issues because of the circumstances surrounding long distance.
My top long distance relationship advice for happiness is to avoid all comparisons to your relationship.
16. Ditch your phone in person
I remember flying to one of my exes many years ago, it was something we had planned for a long time and I was so excited to be with her.
Honestly, I probably used my phone 3 times that entire trip to call home and check up on my family.
And yet, there were times in the day when my ex was sitting on her couch, engrossed on her phone while I sat across her trying to connect.
Granted, it wasn’t all the time and she never tipped into the zone of disrespect but it’s something I remember to this day so it obviously bothered me at the time or registered in my mind as something to make a note of.
You should be spending quality time with your significant other in person.
Forget about Instagram or Facebook and focus on the person who is in front of you looking to connect and bond on a deep and meaningful level.
Quality time dictates being locked in.
Not distracted by unnecessary things. Have a real conversation, make frequent eye contact, play, touch, cuddle, love and so forth.
Live in the moment and take everything in because you can never truly predict how long someone will be in your life for.
17. Don’t compare yourself to other couples
If you’re relationship terms and circumstances are not exactly the same as someone else’s, it would be a massive misstep and injustice to compare that relationship to yours.
Comparison is the root cause of dissatisfaction.
We look at the perfectly enhanced version of life depicted on social media sites and consciously or subconsciously compare it to our own life.
When we don’t match up to what other people seem to have, suddenly, we are inundated with dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Sometimes these situations lead down a dark path, resulting in a permanent split.
Then we wonder why it’s so difficult to find another relationship that lives up to the one we just lost, let alone the relationship depictions we used as a measuring stick in our lives.
Don’t chase ghosts. Even if they were real, you couldn’t catch them if you tried.
If there’s any long distance relationship advice worth taking into consideration, let it be this warning.
18. Don’t try to control your partner
There are not many feelings that can compare to someone loving your company without any compulsion whatsoever.
Yes, boundaries and rules are important within a relationship.
But when it comes to self-expression, there is no room for control or manipulation because they are toxic and characterized as one of the worst long distance relationship red flags.
Give your partner the space and freedom to choose you.
If he or she can’t chat right now, it’s okay. It shouldn’t be a problem. Let them come to you when they are free and ready to.
But if you try to force them, you cheat yourself from enjoying the gift of being truly desired.
Summary Of The Advice For Long Distance Relationships
It may difficult to navigate at first but a long distance relationship can become one of the best romantic experiences of your life.
Be willing to communicate better and more frequently, have a practical plan on being closer to each other, avoid comparing your relationship to others and give yourself the freedom to trust and enjoy your partner.
With that being said, I hope you found all of the long distance relationship advice to be insightful and helpful.
I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
Feel free to head over to the comment section below and share your top long distance relationship advice with me.
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