Friendships are such an integral part of life but that doesn’t mean they’re perfect and without their fair share of problems. One of those problems happens to be the topic of today’s discussion, is my friend using me for money?
It depends on whether your friend only shows up when they want money or when they can get things from you for free. Usually, if your gut instinct is warning you of this, it might be a good idea to explore those feelings because you’ll find the answer you’re looking for through reflection and introspection.
Figuring out whether or not your friend is using you for money will require you to explore their behavior during the duration of the friendship.
Start by looking at the reason for why you both became friends.
Thereafter, try to identify instances when your friend spent money on you.
Furthermore, try to list the instances when your friend spent time with you and it didn’t cost you a single cent.
I would then try to think of times when my friend was there for me during difficult periods of my life.
Was your friend present when you couldn’t afford to spend any money on them?
These are very important questions to consider because it can paint a realistic picture of whether your friend is using you for money or not.
I can think of a number of times when my closest friends were by my side when I didn’t have a cent to my name.
In fact, there were times when they would offer to pay for my movie ticket because I had no income.
When I started to earn money, I returned the favor.
We never hassled each other over these things because we understood that the friendship was based on the connection rather than any monetary gain.
Granted, there were times when I would refuse to accept when my friends offered to pay for me because I didn’t want to take advantage of their kindness. Sometimes, when someone is in a bad spot and they get used to accepting help, they lose their sense of awareness of how this can affect their relationships and friendships.
They don’t set out to use you for money but it becomes an unintentional problem.
At this point, you have to gently draw some boundaries.
A good way to know if your friend was actually using you for money is to gauge their reaction to this.
If they react poorly or in a passive-aggressive manner, you may have struck a nerve.
A true friend will realize the error of his or her ways and try to make amends.
They may not come outright and apologize or verbally address the issue.
But, they’ll continue being a friend without asking or expecting any money from you.
In that case, that person is not just a friend but a good one.
Hold onto that person and cherish them because they care about you enough to rectify their behavior.
Just to summarize, if your friend is not supportive of you during difficult times, if they constantly make you buy things for or spend money on them and if they fail to pay you back when you loan or lend them money, your friend is using you for money.
If your friend is genuinely going through a difficult time right now and before this situation, they never or rarely took money from you and they’re a good friend in general, then it’s safe to say that they are not using you.
Why is your friend using you for money?
You’re obviously generous and kind hearted or else your friend wouldn’t even be turning to you in the first place.
This is not a bad thing at all. It is extremely positive and good to be kind-hearted.
Money is not the do all and end all of life.
At the end of the day, what matters more is our well-being, happiness and the relationships we have in our lives. That’s not to say that money isn’t important. It is.
But, it’s just a means to an end.
Be that as it may, sometimes, not being able to say ‘No’ can work against you.
When you find that your friend is starting to take advantage of your kindness and generosity, you need to politely say no.
It doesn’t make you a bad person to say no.
This will draw somewhat of a boundary that your friend will eventually realize.
Once they realize that you have a limit, if they try to step over that boundary then you are responsible for calling them out.
Now, I wouldn’t just break a friendship with someone who steps over your boundaries. We live in a society that, for some reason, doesn’t believe in second chances and forgiveness.
Personally, I believe in those things.
People are prone to making mistakes, especially when they have bad habits or they have a toxic relationship with their desires.
That doesn’t mean we should automatically write them off. Be forgiving and merciful.
Give your friend a few chances but when they constantly take advantage of you despite making multiple mistakes that you addressed, then it’s possible that this is no longer a series of mistakes but a choice.
So, you have to give your friend a new choice.
“Stop doing what you’re doing or lose me forever.”
It’s as simple as that.
This will make it extremely clear that you are no longer willing to put up with toxic behavior anymore and you’re at your wit’s end.
If your friend doesn’t take cognizance of this and continues to use you for money despite this ultimatum, you won’t have to regret walking away from the friendship because you gave them ample opportunities to save the friendship.
Related post: 20 Signs your friend doesn’t care about you
Having someone who makes you feel used and abused can be so difficult to deal with and I really sympathize with you. But, you won’t have to feel like this all the time and things will get better.
Friendships can survive a lot of damage and hardship. Nothing is truly perfect and people make mistakes.
As long as we are forgiving but firm, strong-willed but kind, we can fix some really bad situations in our lives and salvage friendships and relationships.
And for those friendships that can’t be saved, we can atleast walk away learning valuable lessons that help us cultivate better friendships in the future.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful and helpful. If you need more advice or have a specific question, feel free to comment below and I’ll definitely reply.