Recently a friend reached out to find out whether it is wrong to talk to your ex while you’re in a relationship and immediately I responded with a loud and resounding yes.
Without a doubt in my mind, I can say that it is wrong to talk to your ex while you’re in a relationship.
However, depending on the circumstances of the situation, it may not be an issue.
The problem with talking to your ex is that it can rehash old wounds, make you nostalgic, cause problems in your relationship, break trust with your partner and confuse you.
These are counterproductive effects of talking to your ex, especially in cases when he or she does not have any significant role in your life anymore.
I get it though, you shared a bond with this person and don’t see any need to be rude. But, for the sanctity of your new relationship, it may not be a good idea to talk to your ex.
Reasons why shouldn’t talk to your ex
The number one issue is that it can be disrespectful to your current partner, especially if it happens behind his or her back.
A good relationship is built on the back of trust. If you break that trust, the relationship will not survive. That’s just the way the world works. Every relationship depends on a certain level of trust.
If your partner expressly stipulates that he or she is uncomfortable with you talking to an ex, then it is your obligation to either not talk to your ex at all or be completely transparent if you do.
This is the only way to be respectful and trustworthy in your relationship.
Another reason why you shouldn’t be talking to your ex is that there’s nothing to be achieved from it.
It also poses the risk of opening old wounds or placing you in a precarious position if your ex is trying to rekindle things with you.
When is it okay to talk to your ex?
Unless you are going through a divorce or you have kids together, there’s not much reason for you to be communicating with someone who is no longer a permanent fixture in your life.
Instances that necessitate communicating with your ex whom you were once married to or have kids regarding topics related to the divorce or your children.
Anything outside of that is tipping into dangerous territory.
Someone who chooses to be with you despite an ex spouse shouldn’t have to put up with certain behavior. Yes, they can be understanding and compromising but be considerate of them too.
Don’t extend the boundaries further than what you would be comfortable with if the roles were reversed.
This is a strange way of phrasing it but keep it professional.
You wouldn’t let loose and discuss intimate or overly personal details with your boss. Similarly, you can keep the topics of discussion with your ex limited.
How to avoid causing problems in your relationship if you’re talking to your ex
Be completely honest about it.
Consult your partner and let them know that your ex has been in contact with you.
Prepare yourself to share the context in which the conversation took place, what it was about and when it happened.
Understandably, you can maintain a level of privacy but based on the circumstances and reaction of your partner, you can choose whether to disclose word for word discussions or not.
I think that if there’s sufficient trust in the relationship and you handled it well, then your partner wouldn’t expect that from you.
More importantly, if you disclose this to your partner as soon as it happens, then you place yourself in a very favorable position because your actions prove that you have nothing to hide.
Why is your ex contacting you?
This questions will be asked and if you don’t have an honest and truthful answer, it will cast doubt upon you.
Complete transparency removes much of the disrespect associated to talking with your ex.
Even if your ex is trying to make a move on you and your partner happens to see this, don’t try to spin a lie to avoid an issue. Be honest and acknowledge it.
She’ll respect you for being honest and will be more inclined to believe that you handled the situation as best as you could.
By disclosing this to your partner as soon as you can, it prevents your girlfriend or boyfriend from thinking that you’re cheating.
Why are you talking to your ex?
If there’s no reason to be talking to him or her, why are you? If you’re not divorced or have kids together, I think the only instance when it may be okay to talk to your ex is if you both are friends.
Being friends, in this scenario, means neither party has any residual romantic feelings left for each other.
In such an instance, it’s okay to be talking to your ex. There’s no rule stating that you can’t be friends with any of your ex’s.
Explain to your partner that it’s completely platonic and there are absolutely no feelings from either side.
You know, one of the reasons why people struggle to get over their ex is because of an unwillingness to stop talking to him or her. Avoid making the same mistake.
Should you still talk to your ex if your partner disapproves?
If your partner is being reasonable and has presented you with a number of fair points on why you shouldn’t be talking to your ex, then you probably shouldn’t talk to your ex.
It’s up to you to decide just how important it is for you to be talking to your ex and whether it’s something worth damaging or losing your relationship over.
When my girlfriend found out that my ex contacted me, it really upset her. She had been in a situation where her ex-boyfriend was cheating on her with his ex.
So I understood how this would affect her and our relationship.
What’s ironic is that my best friend had a conversation with me that weekend telling me how unproductive it is to keep an ex around if they will never have a role in your life again.
Not as a lover, a close friend or even a text buddy. It’s really pointless keeping them around. And it grounds you to the past in a way that sets you up for unnecessary drama.
The smartest thing to do for long term happiness is move on with your life completely.
Leave those old relationships in the past and focus on those who are in your life right now.
When I witnessed how it hurt and affected my girlfriend, that was the moment I decided to stop talking to my ex completely even though we had absolutely nothing going on.
Make the right choice
If anyone were to ask you whether you think it is wrong to talk to your ex while you’re in a relationship, I hope that this article comes to mind because that would mean I successfully managed to cast some clarity on the topic.
You have so much to look forward to – don’t mess that up by holding onto the past.
Your heart can only truly move on by taking daily steps towards building a future of health, wealth, love and happiness.
Do everything possible to remain loyal to the people in your life who genuinely love and respect you.