Should you get involved with a friend’s ex? As tempting as it may be, there are certain unspoken expectations to consider before you do.
Some friends are comfortable with it, while others consider this behavior to be a violation of the friendship. Generally speaking, you don’t date your friend’s ex. It makes things awkward and uncomfortable, no matter how you look at it. I’ve met many people who tried to be cool but felt betrayed or resentful towards their friends.
Before we proceed, I have a few questions for you to answer that will guide you towards making the right decision.
- How would you feel if your friend started to date your ex?
- How would you feel if that ex dumped you or betrayed you, and now your friend is with them?
- How would you feel knowing that your friend consoled you while talking to your ex behind your back?
- Are you willing to lose your friend over this guy or girl?
Depending on how you answer these questions, you’ll either date their ex and risk losing the friendship, or you’ll choose to prioritize the friendship over your desire to date their ex.
It’s a personal decision that you have to make by yourself, but the fact that you’re reading this article indicates to me that you’re uncertain.
That uncertainty is a signal.
Internally, you’re conflicted because a part of you feels like you’re doing something underhanded or wrong to your friend.
If the friendship is close and meaningful, there’s a strong chance that you would be violating the sanctity of your friendship, and it could blow up in your face.
I have a friend who tried to be cool and encouraging when another friend showed interest in a girl he was super into. The guy asked him if it were okay to approach her, and he said yes, even though he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
That guy ended up dating this girl, and my friend started to feel resentful and bitter about it. Worst of all, he felt betrayed because he confided in that friend about his feelings regarding this particular girl.
Unfortunately, that friendship fizzled out because of this situation, and it taught me a valuable lesson.
If a friendship can turn sour over something like this, imagine what would happen if you were dating a friend’s ex!
Related article: Do friends come back after a fight?
Do This If You Want To Date Your Friend’s Ex
Have a conversation with your friend regarding the situation. Ask him or her to express how they feel about it and to be brutally honest. Once you understand how they feel, you can decide whether to proceed or not.
If they’re comfortable with it, I suppose you can go ahead if you really want to. It still poses a significant risk, but it’s your choice.
If they’re uncomfortable with it and you value the friendship, don’t date your friend’s ex because it will destroy your friendship.
Let’s say that you choose to date your friend’s ex. You need to maintain boundaries. Here’s how:
- Do not flaunt your relationship with them in front of your friend.
- Do not share any intimate information with either party.
- Do not involve your friend in relationship problems, and vice versa.
I think timing matters as well. If your friend and his or her ex just broke up, it’s way too soon to even think about this.
Dating their ex will be a violation and a sign of disrespect, especially when they are still processing the breakup.
If it has been a long time since they broke up and your friend is in a new relationship, it’s quite possible that he or she will be okay with you dating their ex as long as you have an honest conversation with them.
Being respectful of everyone involved requires a lot of work and consideration, but you should try.
Does it guarantee that everything will work out?
I don’t know, but if you are going to date your friend’s ex, it’s worth the effort.