Is He Using Me? (Telltale Signs)

There are not many things that make a person feel empty and violated like being used and abused. A partner is someone who should add to your life, not take away things from you without sharing themselves as well. It can be hard to tell when you’re being used by someone you love. So, this begs the question, is he using me? 

Ultimately, we can say that he is using you if he constantly expects things from you but doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, never takes you out on dates, tries to keep your relationship a secret, only contacts you to be intimate and makes you pay for all the bills indefinitely.

I don’t know of a single good man who would do these things with and to a woman he loves. 

On the contrary, he’d go out of his way to be a provider and suitable lover who shows off his lady to the world.

He wouldn’t hide her nor use her without any sign of commitment and sincerity. 

Even if he was broke, he’d show up in other ways for you and make genuine attempts to change his predicament.

You wouldn’t find yourself reading this article that’s examining the possibility of him using you if this man genuinely cared about you and had good intentions.

But, I know that bad people can be extremely manipulative and what makes them good at manipulation is that their victims can’t tell that they’re being deceived.

Let’s not waste any time and examine all the signs of a man who is using you. 

1. He doesn’t want to commit to a relationship

I want you to think about something, why would a man who is in love with a woman hesitate to be in a relationship with you?

If it doesn’t make sense to you, it’s because it doesn’t. 

It’s illogical and irrational for a man to claim to want something or someone but not jump in excitement when the opportunity to have it is presented. 

There’s a difference between commitment issues and ulterior motives.

If what you find is that he wants and desires all the perks of a relationship without actually committing to one, then it’s more likely that he is using you than suffering from commitment issues.

A person with commitment issues struggles through many phases of courtship. 

They may not even open themselves up to vulnerable and volatile situations like intimacy or closeness whereas the opposite is true for someone who is using you. 

Related post: Why do guys like situationships?

2. He never takes you out on dates

I’m of the opinion that it’s a man’s job to facilitate dates and plan romantic outings for his lady. 

What it shows is a desire to connect and an appreciation for the woman who supposedly holds his heart.

Granted, there are men who get lazy in relationships but that’s no excuse for not planning or taking you out on dates.

Only a man who is taking you for granted or is using you will fail to plan and execute romantic dates with you, especially in the early months or years of a relationship.

If the only time you see him is when he needs company, affection or to be taken care of without receiving the same in return, then you’re dealing with a man who is using you. 

3. He tries to keep your relationship a secret

Let me say this, there are very few real reasons why a man would want to keep a relationship with someone he loves a secret.

If it’s not for security and safety reasons, there’s really no reason to unless he is hiding from something or someone.

Typically, men who are cheaters and players hide partners because they have many at the same time.

Married men are also guilty of doing this.

They’ll charm you and spin a tale for why he’s trying to protect your relationship by keeping it a secret.

In reality, he’s just using you and keeping it a secret because he has no plans of honoring this relationship long-term.

Alternatively, he has no plans of leaving his wife or girlfriend and you’re being used as a secret playmate.

Either way, it’s deplorable and a waste of your time.

Honestly, you have bigger problems than just worrying about whether he’s using you.

I would advise you to dig and find out whether there’s a more sinister reason why he’s trying to keep your relationship a secret from the world. 

Related post: 8 Reasons why he would block you

4. He only contacts you to be intimate

Infamously known as the booty call, only being contacted when he wants to sleep with you is a surefire sign you’re being used.

Try to get him to commit to a relationship or something more romantic and you’ll be met with hesitation, excuses and stonewalling. 

This is not the sign of a man who wants to be with you but a man who is using you for sexual gratification.

At first, it may seem like he’s mysterious but as time goes on, you’ll realize that their mysterious demeanor is actually him keeping you at arm’s length and not including you in his life the way a man who is in love with a woman would. 

Observe how often he texts or calls you just to find out how you’re doing, to spend time with you in a non-sexual way and if he has any future plans for the two of you.

Based on these observations, you’ll get a good idea of whether he is using you for sex or not.

Related post: Why do guys leave when you’re pregnant?

5. He makes you pay for all the bills

There’s a difference between a man who is going through a rough financial patch in comparison to a lazy and irresponsible man who cannot sustain himself or a family. 

The latter is someone who will sponge off victims and paint a narrative that makes him appear to be like a man who is going through a rough time when in reality, he has nothing going on and doesn’t make a real effort to change his situation.

He has an ulterior motive and has no shame in using you for money. 

Don’t get me wrong, he’ll pretend as it bothers him but you’ll notice that this cycle of paying for his bills never comes to an end nor does he pay you back anything.

Empty promises eventually turn into silent expectations for you to keep paying his bills while he lives the life of a delinquent.

In conclusion

Believe me when I tell you that I understand your plight. Obviously, you care about this man or else you wouldn’t have made such an effort to be a supportive and loving partner to him.

But, there’s a possibility that he’s not trying to be that for you and his ulterior motives disqualify him from being a suitable long-term partner. 

A relationship cannot and should not ever be one-sided.

Besides, don’t you feel like you deserve a man who wants to give as much as he receives from you? 

What happens when you have nothing to give, will he still be around for you in the way that you’ve been around for him?

These are important questions to answer when considering whether you’re with the right man or not.

With that being said, I hope this article on whether or not he is using you was eye-opening and a source of valuable information for your situation. If you have any questions or thoughts on this topic that you would like to share with me, please feel free to let me know by visiting the comment section below.