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Is He Thinking About Me After The Breakup?

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So you’ve been separated from your boyfriend either recently or for some time and you’re thinking yourself, is he thinking about me after the breakup?

If he genuinely loved you and there was still some attraction left at the time of the breakup, then yes, he is thinking about you.

However, there are other instances when he may not be thinking about you after the breakup and we can discuss those in this article.

With that being said, how can you tell whether he loved you and still had an attraction for you at the time of the breakup?

Well, here’s what we can consider signs of love and attraction.

  • He was hesitant about breaking up.
  • He appeared hurt and upset over the breakup.
  • After breaking up, he still kept in contact or messages you.
  • He seems to share sad and emotional statuses or pictures on his social media account.
  • You both have hooked up afterward or spent time together.

I was doing some research on why people obsess about someone or something and I came across this beautiful explanation of rumination.

Rumination is the focused attention on the symptoms of one’s distress, and on its possible causes and consequences, as opposed to its solutions, according to the Response Styles Theory proposed by Nolen-Hoeksema.”

At first, I didn’t understand the meaning behind rumination until I found this interesting explanation of the concept.

Rumination is as stressful as it is common, in that it takes a situation that has already caused stress and magnifies the stress and the importance of the situation in our minds.”

Now let’s apply this to breakups.

Has anyone in the world ever attested to having a breakup that was so simple, so easy and so meaningless that they didn’t spend a second thinking about it or experience a sliver of stress?


Why? Because even considering that possibility means that you would need to think about the breakup.

In and of itself, breakups cause some sort of stress because it elicits a conscious change in your life that is almost instantaneous.

Which means that everyone is susceptible to the concept of rumination over the breakup.

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So it is perfectly safe and normal to assume that he is thinking about you after the breakup.

If he isn’t, then it would indicate that he had absolutely no investment in the relationships and it meant absolutely nothing to him.

As unlikely as that may be, if it is true then you should not be spending any more of your precious time thinking about him anymore. You deserve better than someone who can’t even spare a thought about you after breaking up.

Don’t waste even another minute on someone who doesn’t care about you.

Another instance when he may not be thinking about you is when he moved on with someone else and completely stopped being inlove with you before breaking up.

So to sum it up, if the breakup caused any pain or distress to him at all, he will think about it and you.

For something to cause pain, you must have some form of attachment to it, particularly an emotional attachment.

Okay, now that we have established if he is thinking about you after the breakup and why, let’s talk about how to make him think about you after the breakup.

Step 1. Initiate no contact

Many people who break up often reach out to their ex or entertain their ex to ease the symptoms of rumination and separation.

Rather than bring him or her back, it gives them the comfort to move on from you and the breakup.

A highly successful technique for winning back your ex, making him think about you or simply moving on from him is to initiate no contact.

I’ve written about the efficacy of no contact here and here. I’ve also discussed instances when the no contact rule doesn’t work in the way you may hope.

But in all situations pertaining to being dumped, I encourage you to do no contact.

Essentially, avoid all contact in person and online until your ex reaches out. There is no time limit either. During no contact, your priority is to move on and continue living your life as best as you possibly can.

This time is to be used strictly for personal development and your own well being so that if your ex doesn’t come back, you would have done everything needed to move on and make peace with it.

Step 2. Reach out

Now, this may seem counterintuitive given that I just advocated no contact but this only applies if your ex has reached out and you ignored him OR if you were the one who initiated the break up and he hasn’t reached out.

The dumper can and should reach out if he or she has the desire to reconcile.

If enough time has passed and you feel like there’s reason to reach out, do it.

I don’t advocate this if you both have the intention of moving on from each other but it will elicit some feelings or thoughts at the very least.

Step 3. Be mysterious

More likely than not, your ex is going to check your social media accounts to find out how you’re doing in life and what you’re up to.

You have two options –

  1. Post nothing at all to be mysterious.
  2. Only post cryptic updates.

Both of these options have an effect on exes. The lack of answers often makes them wonder what you possibly could be doing.

This curiosity burns brighter with time until they end up reaching out. If you can master the art of being more mysterious, it will benefit you in the dating world tremendously.

If he is thinking about you…

Then he will most certainly reach out. A man who has recently gone through a breakup and still thinks about his ex will eventually reach out to speak with her.

Alternately, he will exhibit traits and social media activity that reflect as signs that you are still on his mind.

Breakups are difficult for all parties involved. Even if he managed to distance himself way before the official end of the relationship, it doesn’t mean the void of your presence is not present.

Even if he manages to move on with someone else, it does not automatically mean that he won’t think about you.

As long as you shared a strong connection and have a substantial history, he will think about you.

Be that as it may, I want to ask you, why does it matter? What difference will it make if he is thinking about you?

If you have no intentions of getting back together or you both are too toxic for each other, is there anything to be gained by trying to find out if still thinks about you?

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

1 thought on “Is He Thinking About Me After The Breakup?”

  1. I was worrying if he was think about me we have 20 plus years together we had good times and bad times. And the good out wait the bad at least I hope so. And I still love my husband hope we get pass this

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