So you’ve been through a breakup or were rejected by a girl you really like and now you’re considering no contact. You’ve heard about the indefinite no contact rule and you’re wondering about whether it works.
Let’s begin this article with a simple explanation of what is the indefinite no contact rule.
It is a rule that requires you to eliminate any and all contact with someone for an indefinite period of time. In other words, you will never contact them again unless they reach out to you.
Sounds drastic, I know.
When you’re trying to get a girl back or a guy back, the last thing on your mind to do is walk away for an indefinite period of time.
In fact, your go-to move may be to pursue them harder and do everything in your power to convince them of taking you back.
Unfortunately, that strategy doesn’t work and we’ll discuss why in a bit.
With that being said, let’s talk about all the merits of indefinite no contact and whether it works or not.
Why should you follow the indefinite no contact rule?
Given that you’ve been rejected or dumped, it’s only natural to feel a strong desire to do something.
I’m very much the same as you are. When something goes wrong, my first inclination is to take action and correct the mistake.
But, that doesn’t translate well for someone who has just been rejected or dumped.
Despite your need to take control of the situation, inaction is the most effective solution.
By doing nothing and initiating no contact, you can avoid chasing after your ex, begging, pleading and desperately trying to change their mind about you.
All of these actions have an adverse effect on attraction and romance.
What you want to do is re-establish your value and worth. By attaching a consequence to your ex’s decision of breaking up, it can quickly make them doubt or reconsider their decision.
More importantly, no contact gives you the ability to take control of the situation in a way that doesn’t diminish you.
Some dating coaches advocate the idea of a 30 day no contact rule but it doesn’t work. From personal experience and the accounts of many people, 30 days is too soon to reinitiate contact.
Some people take much longer to feel the effects of a breakup and no contact. It may even take them 30 days just to start missing you or thinking about you again.
Reaching out would be premature.
Which is why indefinite no contact is so effective. Rather than put yourself in a position of reaching out too soon or facing further rejection or humiliation, you move on with your life.
If your ex reaches out, then you know with certainty that they’re starting to reconsider their decision or their curiosity has peaked.
Does the indefinite no contact rule work?
Yes, the indefinite no contact rule works.
In fact, I would be so bold as to say that it always works. Here’s why.
There are two outcomes of the no contact rule:
- To get an ex back.
- To move on from an ex.
If your ex comes back, then no contact has worked and you can rekindle the romance.
If your ex doesn’t come back, well then you end up spending enough time apart from your ex to accept the end of the relationship and move on.
No contact also encourages self-development. During the time in which you start no contact, all the work you put into bettering yourself and your life impact your value as a potential partner.
Months or years later, not only would you have put enough time and distance between you and your ex to move on but you also set yourself up to be in a better position to date someone better.
No time is wasted just sitting around and hoping for your ex to come back.
So you never have to live with the regret of wasting precious time. There’s something to be gained from the indefinite no contact rule irrespective of the outcome.
That, in and of itself, is more than enough reason for why you should try it and why it works.
I also find the time during no contact to be very introspective in nature. The things you learn about yourself is unprecedented.
If there ever was a way to speed up the time it takes for you to move on and rediscover your identity as an individual, no contact is the way to go.
Are there exceptions to the indefinite no contact rule?
The idea is to move on with your life and shift the burden of rekindling the relationship to the one who ended it.
I would say that if you are the dumper, then I think you can contact your ex if no contact makes you realize that he or she is worth the effort of trying again.
Otherwise, there really is no reason for you to initiate contact.
If I’m being really uncensored, I would amount no contact to the idea of your ex being dead to you.
It’s harsh but it’s the mindset you may need to move past him or her.
You may have no choice but to do no contact
If, until now, you have done everything wrong like chasing after your ex, begging, pleading and fighting with him or her for another chance, then you have no choice but to do no contact.
It’s the only option available to you that is dignifying.
And if there’s even a remote chance of your ex coming back, then it’s going to be due to no contact.
With that being said, I would be amiss not to include the difficulties of indefinite no contact.
It’s difficult. You will experience feelings of longing, desire, uncertainty, confusion and sadness.
Everyone goes through this but what I can tell you is that these feelings will pass.
With each day that passes, you will feel better. It may take a few months but if you do everything right, you can move on from your ex and find happiness again.
All I ask of you to do is use that time wisely. Make a list of 100 things to do, be or become and focus your energy on accomplishing the items on that list.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with the indefinite no contact rule in the comment section below.
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