Should You Be Ignoring Her When She Goes Cold?

What I’m about to share with you might ruffle some feathers but I’m prepared for that because the alternative is to lie and deceive you into believing something that’s politically correct. What’s the deal with ignoring her when she goes cold? Is it the right or wrong thing to do? Here’s the truth. 

You should be ignoring her when she goes cold if she has absolutely no reason for treating you like scum. Continuing to talk to someone who is unjustifiably disrespecting you is a blatant disregard for your own self-worth and dignity. If you want to assert yourself and be treated with respect, you have to give her your silence.

This doesn’t only apply to women. I want to emphasize that this principle applies to anyone and everyone, professionally or personally.

You should never reward someone with your time, attention and affection when they are treating you like a replaceable and worthless entity. 

The end result of such behavior is being used and discarded like you don’t matter and this will affect your self-esteem for years to come. 

Frequent many Reddit threads on dating or relationships and you’ll find that people describe dating as a marriage test drive.

They’re of the opinion that if someone displays behaviors that can be classified as red flags often, they’re essentially disqualifying themselves from marriage.

I’ve encountered people who were cold to me by using the silent treatment or harshness for silly reasons.

In the past, I would chase and try to reason with these people only to be met with more disrespect and disregard.

It was absolutely awful.

They made me feel like scum and I allowed it to happen because I thought that people who would treat me this way must have a genuine reason to do so.

In reality, they didn’t.

But, in the moment, they would say and do anything to convince me that I deserved what I was getting from them.

And it made me realize that this behavior is a reflection of their character versus my behavior. 

When I was met with this behavior in the future, I reacted extremely differently. I was intolerant of coldness and rudeness, especially if there was absolutely no justifiable reason to behave in that manner towards me.

My reasoning was simple and sound. 

If I wouldn’t treat someone else like this, then I would not tolerate this behavior from someone else towards myself.

Do you know what happened when I stopped tolerating this behavior? 

Some people exited my life and I let them because I was not going to reward unjustifiable coldness and rudeness. Those who stayed had to accept that I would not tolerate that behavior and they stopped it. 

The people who left were mostly toxic and I don’t miss them because of it. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not this rough and hard person. 

On the contrary, I consider myself to be too accepting and I overlook a lot of unnecessary things because I don’t like to be confrontational or unnecessarily critical.

But, even I understand the importance of having a zero-tolerance policy towards someone who goes cold for no reason.

I just want to emphasize that although this article is titled – ignoring her when she goes cold, my interpretation of the word ignoring is slightly different than what you may think.

The idea isn’t to punish her or ignore her like a child.

That’s ridiculous. 

Especially if she does a 180 and wants to make things right and communicate. 

In this case, ignoring her is preceded by at least two genuine attempts at communicating with her in a healthy and caring manner to find out why she’s upset and why she is being cold towards you.

If, however, you are met with more coldness and rudeness that is bordering on disrespect, that’s when you stop communicating with her, essentially ignoring her until she is ready to be respectful and mature.

The goal is to have a two-way respectful conversation and relationship, not a petty game of who can outlast who at ignoring each other or being cold. 

As soon as she wants to have a genuine conversation, you should reciprocate and focus on the problem at hand and not resort to the pettiness of wanting to get back at her for being cold to you.

With that being said, let’s discuss some of the reasons why you should be ignoring her when she goes cold.

Related post: Should I text her? (pros & cons)

1. It will draw a boundary for unacceptable behavior

People will only do to you repeatedly what you allow them to do. 

This means that there’s a duty on us to draw a line between acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior. 

Failure to do so can amount to an acceptance and even an endorsement of that which is rude and disrespectful. 

Once you make it known that treating you coldly for no reason is unacceptable, she will have a choice on whether to resume this behavior or not.

If she wants you in her life, she’ll have no choice but to be mature and respectful by talking about what’s wrong in a proper fashion.

Related post: How to make her chase you by ignoring her

2. It shows that you have self-respect

In my life, I have been over accommodating of behavior that was unacceptable, especially with girls I liked.

In return, I was rewarded with more of that behavior.

It baffled me for a long time. I wanted to know why they disrespected me continuously.

Then it struck me, how could anyone show me any respect if I don’t respect myself?

How can I expect anyone to value me if I’m not willing to value myself enough to walk away from those who disrespect and undervalue me?

Once you develop self-respect, your actions will reflect that inner belief.

And when others see that you have self-respect, they may test you but they’ll be forced to acknowledge you if they have any desire to be in your life. 

Let me end this section by saying this, a woman will never love you if she can’t respect you. 

The quickest way to lose a woman’s respect is to allow her to disrespect you and to behave like someone who doesn’t respect themselves.

3. It does not reward toxic behavior

Your intention may not be to reward her for being cold to you when you chase, beg and suck up to her. 

In your mind, you’re just trying to open her up to you again and win back her affection even if you did nothing wrong.

But, by behaving in this manner, you are sending across a message that behavior of this nature is not only acceptable but encouraged. 

Think about it for a second.

Let’s say she’s being cold to you and to your knowledge, she has no reason to be or the reason is something silly. 

Your reaction is to treat her with a ton of affection and attention.

Is this not the same as saying, ‘treat me like crap so that I can spoil you?’

To me, that’s how it looks and it looks the same to her.

A manipulative woman will see this behavior as a weakness and exploit it.

A non-manipulative woman will subconsciously register your reaction and take on this behavior the next time she’s upset about something silly and wants to elicit some dramatic attention and affection from you.

Either way, it’s not healthy and not to your benefit at all. 

Do not reward someone for treating you poorly or against the agreement for your relationship. 

Related post: Is it immature to ignore your ex?

4. It gives both of you some time and space to reflect and think

Perhaps, the times when she goes cold are directly correlated to something wrong that you’ve done.

Perhaps this is something that stems from her past and her instinctive action towards fear or hurt.

Either way, it’s not a good state for either of you.

By all means, try to elicit some answers as to why she’s being cold to you.

I would actually encourage you to do so. 

Sometimes, by just showing up and inquiring, it’s enough to open her up and break the ice. 

She may respond with the classic reply, ‘I’m fine.’ 

This is usually a cue for you to keep asking until she opens up.

If you’re met with more coldness and rudeness, if her reasoning is purely disrespectful and ridiculous and if she’s not willing to work through this with you, that’s when you should ignore her until she’s ready to communicate with you in a respectful and mature manner.

The silence and space apart may lead to the reduction of negative feelings and it may result in her feeling bad about behaving so poorly.

Related post: The no contact rule for guys

In conclusion

Ignoring her when she goes cold can be an effective way of preventing her from treating you disrespectfully now and in the future.

It’s also a solid way of drawing boundaries for unacceptable behavior and projecting self respect.

But, I hope that you understand that this idea is not built around the goal of being manipulative or immature.

You should only consider ignoring her when she goes cold if her behavior is unwarranted and your genuine attempts at understanding why she’s behaving this way with you is met with hostility, more coldness and disrespect.  

It won’t be easy and you may find yourself dealing with feelings of anxiety and fear.

But, if you didn’t do anything to warrant this behavior from her and you made a genuine heartfelt attempt or two at communicating with her about her feelings and why she’s upset, then you have to stay strong and keep away.

Trust me, if she’s a good person who is mature and genuinely cares about you, she’ll reach out and she’ll try to work things out.

She’ll realize that she’s being a jerk and she’ll also respect the fact that you have the self respect needed to walk away when someone is being disrespectful and rude. 

And we know that a woman can never love you unless she respects you. 

Let that be of comfort to you.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on ignoring her when she goes cold to be thought-provoking and insightful. If you have any questions or thoughts on this topic that you’d like to share with me, you are more than welcome to let me know by leaving a comment down below.