What most of us come to realize is that most of the relationships we will have in our lives will eventually end at some point or the other. It sucks. We may not want things to end but that’s life. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. But, that brings to light an important question, if you love someone, should you let them go?
To some extent, yes, you should let them go if they are no longer happy with you and desperately want and need a new beginning. If you’ve tried every single thing it takes to make a relationship work but to no avail, it might be time to let them go.
However, you have to consider the reality of what letting someone go means.
It’s not going to be easy. You’ll experience the pain of loss, regret, sadness, loneliness and sentimentality.
These are unavoidable feelings after letting someone you love go.
With that being said, I think it would be greatly beneficial if we discuss how to let go of someone you love as well as reasons why you should or shouldn’t do so.
How to let someone you love go
As the saying goes – if you love someone, let them go. It’s quite profound and wise because it requires a significant amount of maturity and growth to go against your desire.
Love creates desire. It makes us crave the presence and closeness of being with the person we care about on a deep and intimate level.
Letting someone go forces you to go against the very feeling of love.
But, what takes precedence over the desire and need to be with those who we love is to want true happiness for them.
Acknowledging the idea that true happiness for the person you love awaits them away from you will be difficult but it may be the kindest thing you can do for them.
When going through a breakup and there is no means of reconciliation, I tend to advocate the idea of no contact because it provides both of you with the opportunity to move on.
Letting someone go may require you to end all communication with them and to stop trying to win them back.
It may require you to accept the reality that this chapter in your life is ending and all that’s left is for you to decide how to turn over a new page without that person.
The best way to let someone go is to be gracious, kind and accepting of the end to a relationship.
Being gracious doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have the opportunity to squash any beef or to make amends for any wrongdoings.
It may simply require you to walk away without having the option of even saying goodbye.
That doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Some goodbyes are best left unsaid. Allow your actions and the end of contact be the goodbye that you both need.
Resign yourself to the idea that some things will be left up in the air or unresolved.
That doesn’t mean you need to hash out everything that hasn’t been resolved because that may not change anything at all.
Letting go doesn’t simply mean that you should just stop communicating with someone.
It means that you must be willing to let go of the attachment you have for them. It also means that you have to let go of any future you envisioned to have with them.
Whether you decide to keep them on social media is a personal decision.
If seeing them online will affect you, then perhaps it would be a good idea to remove yourself from their circle or simply avoid social media until you have gotten through the initial stage of walking away.
Related post: How to get over someone
Reasons why you should let go of someone you love
From personal experience, I’ve come to realize that difficult actions or decisions often require a solid reason or else you’ll fall apart and fail at the first sign of trouble or pain.
This is why I want to share some of the most important reasons to let go of someone you love.
Use these reasons as a reminder of why you need to do this and why it matters to be strong even when you are facing a lot of doubt and uncertainty.
Related post: 2 Weeks no contact, should I give up?
1. It is the mature thing to do
When someone is no longer happy in a relationship or to be in your company, letting them go is the mature and responsible thing to do.
If you try to force someone to stay in your life, it will create a great sense of resentment and regret.
I’m not encouraging you to just let go of someone without trying to save the relationship. On the contrary, when you love someone, fight for them.
However, when all they want is to move on and be truly left alone because there’s absolutely no way to make up, the loving thing to do is let them go.
Maturity often dictates weighing the pros and cons of your choices and making a decision that is fair and beneficial.
It requires you to set aside selfishness and choose to place a higher value on doing what’s right.
You’ll make mistakes along the way and constantly battle yourself but this will make you more mature with each experience.
2. It will give you a chance to move on
As much as you can’t comprehend the idea of not being with someone you love, letting go of them might be the only way to move on.
Some relationships may end because of breakups whereas others may end because of death. In the latter case, there’s literally nothing you can do to turn back the clock.
That’s an extremely difficult thing to deal with.
Being with someone else may not be something you want to do and I can completely understand.
However, moving on may simply mean that you can continue to live life without being stuck in the past to the point that you’re constantly unhappy and depressed.
It doesn’t mean you have to ignore your feelings or stop loving the person you lost.
But, you have to start the process by letting go of them because you deserve to find happiness in some way or the other.
Related post: How to move on after a breakup
3. It will prevent unnecessary pain and suffering
Anyone who has tried to hold onto someone who is unwilling to stay or is no longer around understands how dreadful and painful it is.
You’re constantly battling feelings of nostalgia, longing, loneliness, regret and uncertainty.
These feelings make you anxious and depressed to the point that your ability to make rational, logical and healthy decisions becomes impaired.
Additionally, chasing someone and pestering them to be with you despite their constant pleading to be left alone will only create more negativity and drama.
Avoid all of this by letting go of someone you love because if they truly love you, they’ll probably find their way back to you.
Reasons why you shouldn’t let go of someone you love
Now I think it’s extremely important we talk about reasons why you shouldn’t let go of someone because it can save you from making a huge mistake.
I feel like this is especially important for someone who may have messed up or didn’t make a good enough effort that caused a breakup or split.
You need to understand the difference between a complete breakdown of a relationship and a situational breakdown that can be resolved through effort, maturity, growth, love and sincerity.
Related post: Should you reach out to an ex years later?
1. You may regret not trying harder
Regret is a messy emotion to deal with because it paints a very distinct picture of what you could have done differently.
Some regret is unavoidable but when you have the chance to do things right or to do things better, you should always try.
That’s what I truly believe in.
All of us are capable of improving ourselves and becoming people who are worthy of redemption.
If you feel like this person is someone you truly love and not trying to make things work will leave your heart in a lot of sadness and regret, then by all means, don’t just let them go without making a sincere and honest effort to win them back.
It may not turn out the way you want it to but at least you would have given everything you could for love and that’s not something you will ever regret.
2. There’s a strong chance for reconciliation
As I’ve said before, not all relationships are doomed to end because of problems, mistakes or issues.
True love has the power to transform people and to conquer any challenge.
It also has the power to bring two people together even after they part ways.
The one true way of knowing whether a relationship has any hope of surviving or being rebuilt is by trying.
Make an effort and if there’s certainly a chance for fixing things, go for it.
Don’t just give up on something that isn’t working right now just because things are not easy.
Good things in life are often difficult to come by nor are they perfect but they’re worth it.
3. The cause of your issues stems from a lack of effort
When you’ve been a poor partner or you haven’t truly given all of yourself to a relationship in the manner that it deserves, this can lead to a lot of issues and an eventual breakup.
Rather than any single event, it’s a culmination of bad choices that has led to this point.
Instead of addressing one issue, it is far more productive to fix the cause.
A lack of effort would be the best starting point.
Sometimes, the only thing someone wants from us is effort.
Witnessing you make an effort to love them and add happiness to their life may be everything they need to be with you.
Instead of just shrugging it off and making excuses for yourself, try looking inwards and be honest with yourself.
If you can say, with complete honesty, that you’ve given your best to this person, then let them go.
But, if you haven’t and you want to, then now is the time to make an effort and try your best.
Will they come back?
Many people contact me after a breakup or divorce needing to know whether their ex will come back if they let them go or use no contact for a specific amount of time and I always give them the same answer.
I can’t give anyone a 100% promise of whether someone will come back or never come back. Nobody can do that.
The only person who knows whether they will come back or not is that person.
Time will tell. Experiences will tell. Destiny will tell.
All these factors are beyond our control.
We can try as many things as we want but at the end of the day, it’s really not up to us.
When you make this decision of letting go of someone you love, do it from your heart. In other words, don’t let go of them with an ulterior motive.
Do it with sincerity and good intentions.
Related post: Give her space to win her back
What happens when you let them go?
I’ll be completely honest with you, it’s going to be incredibly difficult for you.
The first few weeks will be torture. You’ll find yourself feeling depressed, sad, upset, lonely, confused, nostalgic, anxious and uncertain.
You may struggle to see how any of this is right and you may feel like this pain will never end.
But, it will.
With each week that passes, you’ll regain some part of yourself that was lost in this experience.
You’ll start to spend more time with yourself and this will give you a chance to mourn the loss of this person you love.
In time, you’ll begin to adjust and moments in your day will be good.
You’ll think about your regrets and pain less and less.
Eventually, you’ll be living life and experiencing contentment again that it almost slips your mind that you’re no longer suffering or experiencing much emotional pain.
At that point, you’ll find some solace and peace.
If you constantly and consciously use this time to become a better person and do what’s right each and every time, you’ll get through this in the best possible way.
And if it’s meant for the two of you to cross paths again, you will.
Related post: How to stop missing your ex
Letting go of someone you love is not easy by any means but it may be the only thing you can do at this point.
Be gracious, kind and understanding. All challenges in life bring about an opportunity to grow and learn important lessons.
Choose to adopt a healthier mindset and invest yourself in doing what’s right.
You’ll get through this in one piece, I promise you.
With that being said, I hope this article on, if you love someone, should you let them go, was informative and helpful. Be sure to leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.