You wouldn’t believe the number of emails I receive from women all over the world who want to know what to do if they want a relationship and he doesn’t. Can you convince a man to want a relationship with you by being more loving or giving him more access to you? You’d be surprised by the answer to these questions and I’m going to explain why you need to do something drastically different.
If you want a relationship and he doesn’t, you have to find out whether this is a temporary position or if he doesn’t foresee himself ever wanting a monogamous relationship with you. What you don’t want to do is wait around for someone who has no intention of ever being with you in a serious capacity.
Now, I understand that you are emotionally invested in this situation with this man and your heart is firing on all cylinders.
I also understand that you are grappling with a vision of the future in which he is the love of your life and things are going according to a plan that you would love.
It’s hard not to reconcile the picture in your mind with reality even when it seems unlikely that they will ever merge.
So, walking away at this point will be difficult even if he flat-out rejects a future with you altogether.
It’s difficult to love someone who doesn’t feel as strongly about you.
I think most of us have been in this situation at one point in our life but you have to prioritize your well-being and future.
It’s not worth it to be in a situation that will never truly satisfy you emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.
Eventually, dissatisfaction is going to ruin whatever you have with him because it’s never going to live up to the standard of a relationship that you truly align with.
You need to read this article: How to handle rejection from a guy (12 tips)
Do You Want A Committed Relationship With Him?
There are people out there, including myself, who enjoy the benefits of a serious commitment.
Something you’ll have to abandon is the idea of emotional security with a man who doesn’t want a relationship that aligns with your needs.
If you’re going to proceed, be extremely cautious of your own expectations because it can come back to bite you.
Take as much time as you need to figure out whether you are willing to stick around until he is ready to commit to a relationship or until you feel comfortable in never getting that level of commitment with him.
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Don’t make any kind of impulsive decision.
What you need right now is to honor yourself and be honest with yourself.
Are you capable of being happy, content, secure and loved in a situation that doesn’t provide the security of a serious commitment?
The only person who can answer that question is you.
Don’t just settle into something that doesn’t align with your values.
The worst thing you can do is abandon yourself for the validation of another person.
It’s not worth it.
You’re better off losing him by living truthfully than keeping around and living a lie.
You need to read this article: He seems interested in person but not over text
Relationships That Move Too Fast Often Fail
Now, I may be getting ahead of myself because this situation doesn’t automatically mean that he will never want a relationship with you.
In fact, there have been times in my own life when I was falling for someone and they wanted a relationship before I reached that point.
The only metric that was of importance in these situations was time.
I just needed a bit more time to allow my feelings to mature to the point of wanting a serious commitment.
But, we’re talking about situations that occurred after a couple of weeks of knowing each other.
If it were months or years and I still wasn’t ready for a relationship, then that would be a completely different story.
Time would not be the issue but something deeper.
When you are examining your options, weigh the amount of time that the two of you have been in a courtship.
If it hasn’t been more than a handful of weeks then there’s a strong chance that things could and would change by slowing down the pace at which you are moving.
If it has been a few months or years, then the chances of him changing his mind are slim to none.
He would have by now if it were ever going to happen.
You need to read this article: Do relationships that move too fast fail?
Give Him More Reasons To Want A Relationship With You
Before I forget, I want to emphasize something that you absolutely need to know.
Women should not hand over the best parts of themselves to a man who has not earned it.
In other words, you should not be completely giving yourself emotionally, physically and mentally to a man who has not shown an investment in you and a strong desire to be with you.
Don’t devalue the worth of these beautiful things by giving them away to someone who doesn’t truly understand the value of it.
They’re going to use you and overlook you without even realizing what they stand to lose.
If you find yourself in the position of having given yourself to this man and he still doesn’t want to be in a relationship, I think it’s imperative that you consider withdrawing effort and access to you.
Sometimes, people have to lose things or others in other to realize the value of what and who they had in their life.
It really comes back to the idea that scarcity breeds value.
When something is hard to get, its value increases because of limitations and competition.
I’ve also come to realize that men are competitive individuals by nature and they place a greater sense of value on that which they have to work for.
When things come to men too easily, they undervalue them and appear unappreciated.
In fact, I was having a conversation with a guy who echoed this sentiment without even realizing it.
He explained to me the reasons why he just didn’t pursue his girlfriend with the same vigor and enthusiasm he expressed with other girls in the past.
There wasn’t anything wrong with her and she was a wonderful person but she made the mistake of rewarding him with an unlimited amount of attention, effort and affection without him earning it at all.
To be honest, you don’t have to place unnecessary obstacles for a man to earn you.
A simple test would be to measure his effort and interest in you.
If he shows up and makes a similar effort to you, then he’s putting in the necessary work to earn your time and presence.
I would give the exact same advice to a man.
In a healthy courtship, I would tell him to match and mirror a woman’s effort at most so that you create enough space and freedom for her to also feel like she’s earning your presence in her life.
This is an excellent way to sift through people who are just out for validation or to use you.
People who are genuinely interested in you would at least attempt to match and mirror your effort.
Gradually decrease your effort and match his.
I’m willing to bet that he’ll start to change his tune when he begins to notice that you aren’t willing to throw yourself at him for scraps of affection and attention.
Also, give people the freedom to choose you.
The best kind of relationships are the ones in which people are excited to be with each other.
The ones that struggle tend to be built on a lot of drama, manipulation and one-sided effort.
You need to read this article: Does he want me to chase him or leave him alone?
Final Thoughts
It genuinely makes me sad when I receive countless emails from women who are in this exact position because I can tell that they are wonderful people who want to spread love and be in committed relationships.
But, giving more of something that isn’t being valued won’t change anything.
What is your love, commitment, energy, time and attention worth?
Is it worth having a committed and serious relationship? If so, then you shouldn’t give it away to someone who doesn’t value you and what you have to offer.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what to do if you want a relationship and he doesn’t to be practical and helpful. I offer email coaching for any woman who wants my help with situations like this. Check out my services page for more information on how to get access to me.