Don’t feel like a misfit or be alarmed if you find yourself thinking, “I miss my ex“. More often than not, we all do, particularly after a breakup. I remember feeling so frustrated with myself because all I could think about was how much I miss my ex.
Obviously, you haven’t moved on as yet which is why you miss your ex.
Until you have made peace with the past, broke contact with your ex for a significant amount of time, removed reminders of your ex and met new people, you’ll continue to miss your ex.
I don’t blame you and you sure as hell shouldn’t blame yourself for feeling this way.
Even if your ex was toxic or broke your heart, that doesn’t automatically negate feelings of separation anxiety and longing.
Be that as it may, it’s just part of the process. Nothing you’re experiencing right now is new or unheard of. Countless people have been through it and countless are currently going through the same situation along with you.
They will move on from their exes just like you will. It’s just a matter of time before all your efforts to move on pay dividends.
Be that as it may, let’s take a look at all the reasons why you still miss your ex and how to get over him or her.
1. You haven’t accepted the breakup
It sucks to say but there isn’t a set period of time in which you can move on after a breakup.
From 3 months to a year or more, it really depends on how serious the relationship was, how much you invested in it and whether you were a dumper or dumpee.
The dumpee has the hardest time accepting and moving on from the breakup.
They usually don’t see it coming and feel powerless when it happens. If that’s you, then it makes sense that you still miss your ex.
A lot of breakups are not mutually consented to.
It may take longer for you to accept the end of your relationship and move on. But, don’t worry because you will reach that point of not missing your ex so much.
With time, it get’s easier.
The more you are forced to live life without your ex, the easier it becomes. Eventually, with enough time and work, you’ll stop missing your ex completely.
2. You just initiated no contact
No contact entails radio silence.
Essentially, you stop all phone calls, text messages, emails and in-person conversations with your ex for an indefinite amount of time.
As effective as it may be, I would be amiss not to mention the difficulty of doing no contact during the first few weeks.
You will miss your ex. It’s inevitable. No contact is not a walk in the part but that’s what makes it so beneficial.
It forces you to embrace the end of your relationship by cutting off your ex, to be alone, face your fears, get used to change and embrace your new relationship status.
And by doing so, you take all the necessary steps to move on from your ex and stop missing them.
The longer you stick with it, the easier it becomes.
And unlike other approaches, you can reach a point of acceptance relatively faster with fewer hiccups along the way.
I remember when I initiated no contact with my ex, the first 2-3 weeks were difficult but then I suddenly took a turn for the better.
Before long, I had gotten used to being single and I managed to tie up loose ends that kept me stuck to the past.
Closure always takes time to achieve but can be sped up by initiating no contact.
3. You still have reminders of your ex
As a sentimental person, I find it hard to let go of reminders like photographs, videos, voice notes, clothes and gifts.
The problem with holding onto these reminders is that it keeps you attached to your ex and the past.
Instead of focusing on the new, your mind will be more inclined to focus on the past.
Reminders of this nature only stimulate feelings of nostalgia that will make you miss an ex.
Pack up all those reminders and store them away from you indefinitely. Move all those photos and videos into a cloud file or onto a separate hard drive.
Embrace a clean slate approach after a break up.
To read more on this topic, check out this post on whether or not you should delete photos of your ex.
4. You haven’t started dating new people
Let’s assume that you’ve taken the time to be alone, initiated no contact and removed all reminders of your ex but you still find yourself thinking, I miss my ex.
Well, then the next logical step is to give yourself something new and exciting to think about.
Casual dating is a fun and entertaining way of making new memories and getting a taste of new romance.
I cannot begin to emphasize how many amazing men and women are out there just waiting to find someone awesome to connect with.
Your ex is not a one-off hit. I promise you. By getting back in the game, you’ll meet a few people who actually knock your socks off.
And that is something to take note off.
You could be missing your ex because you haven’t met someone who is compelling – emotionally, psychologically and physically.
So, it’s not that you’re still in love with your ex or missing them profusely – you’re just missing the feeling of being enthralled by someone.
In which case, the logical and smart thing to do is meet more people. Keep dating until you find someone who ticks most of your boxes.
5. You’ve been stalking your ex online
In my opinion, 99% of what you see online is a fake picture-perfect depiction of someone’s life and thoughts. Rarely will you ever find an ex talking about how much they miss you!
If anything, they’re going to post updates and pictures to create this perception that life is wonderful and they’re the happiest person on the planet.
By you scrolling through their social media activity, it exposes you to this type of updates that are going to make you feel annoyed, hurt or upset.
Furthermore, seeing your ex in that way is going to trigger memories from the past.
If so, then do yourself a favor and unfollow or block your ex on social media. Do it until you are certain that any and all residual feelings for your ex have disappeared.
Tips on how to stop missing your ex
The best thing you can do right now is to keep busy with self-development tasks and goals.
Focus on building your career, change your routine up, visit new places, meet new people and get into better shape.
Laying around, moping and doing nothing but missing your ex isn’t going to change anything.
It’s wasted time that could have been spent productively and beneficially.
Eventually, you are absolutely going to make peace with the past and move on.
I just have one question for you – Do you want to regret wasting all this precious time on feeling sad for yourself because you’re missing him or her?
If not, then it is imperative for you to take care of yourself even if that means facing your inner conflict and demons.
Endure this suffering and continue to push forward.
In the end, the one who stands the chance of benefiting the most is you, especially if you focus on building a great future for yourself with someone who wants to be with you.
I hope that you found some solace in this article. Please head over to the comment section below and share your thoughts on this subject.