I Miss My Ex So Much. What Should I Do?

After careful observation of people who are experiencing grief from the loss of a romantic relationship, I’ve been able to isolate the best habits or actions one should take if you miss your ex so much.

Patiently persevere through life while you miss your ex. Allow your emotions to pass through you, regardless of how difficult it is to swallow the bitter pill of loss and loneliness. Search for meaning or lessons in this experience, because that is how you heal from emotional pain. Most importantly, be extremely loving to yourself.

Most of us lack the necessary insight and skill into what it means to love ourselves.

Words of affirmation are wonderful, retail therapy helps if you can afford it, and hanging out with people who care about you can provide temporary comfort and relief from the overwhelming feeling of missing your ex.

But, that is only the tip of the iceberg.

To truly love yourself requires hard work. What do I mean by this, you may ask? 

Excellent question.

True love is unyielding, and it holds one accountable.

Even when you feel miserable, lazy, defeated, jaded, or distraught, true love lends warmth, comfort, softness, affirmation, and validation to guide you through the difficult days.

It doesn’t shame you or berate you for feeling bad. 

Instead, it focuses on nurturing you through the suffering with emotions, thoughts, words, and actions that facilitate growth.

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Tips On How To Heal After A Breakup

Here’s a list of things you should do to help with the emotions that come from a breakup.

• Speak to yourself kindly.
• Remind yourself of what you deserve.
• Stop yourself from ruminating over what happened.
• Don’t just focus on blame. Focus on the lessons that inspire growth. 
• Listen to your body and cater to your needs.
• Watch content that depicts strength amidst tragedy. Allow this to inspire you to persevere.
• Pray to God and ask him for guidance and protection from harm or evil. 

Let me share with you a little technique I use to improve my inner dialogue.

Imagine what you would say to a close friend or loved one when they are berating themselves over a breakup or falling apart.

You wouldn’t shame them, blame them, discard their feelings, or enable them.

Instead, you would offer support and encouragement, you’d talk reason into them when they were desperate, and you would remind them of their worth.

If you would speak to a friend like this, why shouldn’t you speak to yourself like a friend?

That’s something to think about.

Most people are horrible to themselves, and it takes a lot of work to break free of this toxic behavior.

The process of cultivating a wonderful life begins with your self-talk.

The way we speak to ourselves has a tremendous effect on how we navigate hardships in life.

If you really want to overcome loss and create a life of abundance, joy, love, and fulfillment, you have to create a strong belief in yourself that you are deserving of this.

Get in the habit of curating your beliefs. Remove those that diminish your life force and energy and replace them with empowering beliefs that give you strength, courage, and power.

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How To Get Over Your Ex And Move On

When I was going through a particularly difficult breakup, I spent a lot of time blaming myself, shaming myself, and berating myself. 

This didn’t help me in any way. 

It didn’t make me miss my ex any less. Instead, it made me feel hopeless and horrible. Nothing good came from it. I made myself a victim and indulged myself in pity.

But, thank God, I found my way and started investing in prayer, self development, and therapy.

Once I committed to rebuilding myself, everything changed, but it took time. The first step began with my self-talk.

When you miss your ex so much, remind yourself that you will be okay, that this is a part of life, and that your next love story will be the best one yet.

Even if you don’t believe it to be true right now, just say this to yourself every single day.

Here are a couple of my affirmations that transformed themselves into beliefs that have changed my life and helped me get through heartbreak.

• I deserve true love.
• I can overcome anything and everything.
• Life happens for me, not to me.
• I deserve a chance to earn what I want in life.
• It will take time, but I will be okay.
• I may bend, but I will never break.
• I am on my way to being the best version of myself. 
• I love who I am and who I’m becoming. 
• If we were meant to be, we would be.
• I will use my pain to accomplish great things, and I will be a force for good in the world. 

In every sphere of life, repetition is rewarded with results. 

The more you do something over a long period of time, the greater the result. 

Good or bad, the cumulative effect will take place.

If you repeatedly vocalize these positive affirmations to yourself, they will become a set of beliefs that change you positively.

Similarly, if you vocalize negative affirmations, they will become a set of beliefs that affect you negatively. 

We are what we repeatedly do.

So, the more positive things you say and do while you are upset and heartbroken, the better your life will turn out, regardless of how you feel.

You will heal yourself through suffering, and the person you will become will be so grateful for the choices you made while missing your ex so much. 

More often than not, when you miss your ex, you’re thinking about the past. But, when you are deciding what to do, think about what you want and deserve in the future!

Unfortunately, you’ll never truly be prepared to let go of someone you love.

But, you have no choice but to let them go if they choose to leave the relationship.

Most of us grapple with this idea.

Love creates a burning desire to fight for closeness.

But, fighting for love doesn’t mean we should desperately cling to those who want to walk away. 

We can make an attempt to reconcile, we can express our disappointment, and we can affirm our love for someone.

That’s healthy behavior and congruent with what we feel.

But to discard our dignity and self-respect to beg and plead with our ex to try again at being in a relationship with us is a disservice to ourselves.

Granted, if your ex left because you betrayed them or violated the boundaries of the relationship, it may necessitate some grand gestures to display true remorse. 

Effort is important when you are at fault for the dissolution of a marriage or relationship.

But, even then, it should never be to an outrageous extent. 

In every other case, it is important to leave the door open when ending contact with an ex.

If you have been dumped, it isn’t a good idea to prolong communication if there isn’t a mutual desire to try and reconcile.

I wouldn’t agree to be friends with someone who dumped me, and neither should you.

Instead, focus your attention on grounding yourself.

The first month is a time of shock. Your mind and body will be knocked out of balance, and it takes some time to process the shock and get back into your body.

Then, desperation and immense desire to reconcile will set in.

When this happens, it’s a good idea to have distance and little to no contact with your ex because you will be tempted to say and do things that just portray you as desperate and overwhelmed. 

It would be extremely helpful if you had a support structure in place by now to help ground you.

Parents, kids, siblings, and close friends who you can see daily will help you to disarm extreme bouts of desperation so long as you communicate with them before taking action.

By the time you reach the six month mark while practicing all the advice in this article, you should be at a point where you are sad and you do miss your ex, but it no longer consumes your every thought.

You may have settled into a new routine, and life will begin to push you towards growth.

The greatest struggle at this point is loneliness and nostalgia, but both of these issues can be remedied by having a career or purpose that you are pursuing daily and someone to connect with regularly. 

I wouldn’t recommend rebounding or dating at any point while you still miss your ex because it will only provide a temporary distraction at best or a validation of your desperate need for your ex at worst.

Nobody is going to match the idealized version of your ex at this point, so it’s not even worth it to play this game.

Around the one year mark is when things will really change, and you should be ready to start exploring the next chapter of your life. 

At this point, I recommend entertaining the idea of meeting someone new with whom you can cultivate a deep relationship.

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Key Takeaway: Use your pain as energy to do good in the world. Embrace yourself with kindness and positive affirmations on a daily basis. Spend time with family and friends when you are at your lowest and highest points. Have a vision for your future and avoid acting on temporary, desperate emotions. Allow time and efforts at self development to heal you. Keep busy when your mind is overwhelmingly busy with thoughts of your ex. Lastly, don’t date until you stop missing your ex so much. 

Final Thoughts

Well, that brings us to the end of this article on what you should do if you miss your ex and it overwhelms you.

I can assure you that time, effort, and patience will ease your pain.

But, more than anything, taking care of yourself and rediscovering who you are as an individual will fill that gaping hole in your heart.

Don’t destroy yourself with cheap escapes in the form of vices. It’s not worth it. Instead, turn inward and trust in the fact that God has a greater plan for you.

As long as you work hard on improving your life and healing those painful emotions, by the time you begin to feel better, you will be a much stronger and wiser person.

With that being said, be sure to grab a copy of my eBook on getting your ex back by clicking here. Alternatively, work with me directly by visiting my services page to get more information on my email coaching package.