There’s a guy you’re interested in. Things seem to be going relatively fine but you’ve noticed that he doesn’t make an effort to start a conversation. You’re always the one starting a chat. This brings about the following question, I always text him first should I stop?
Since it’s something that bothers you, I would encourage you to stop texting him first until you feel like he makes an effort. This is also a good test to determine whether he actually cares about talking to you or not.
What’s interesting to note is his reaction. You’ve been putting in all this effort, I’d love to know how long it takes for him to notice that you haven’t texted as yet.
More importantly, I’d love to know how long it takes for him to text you first.
If he does, we can confirm that he does actually feel some sense of attachment and interest in you.
But, if he doesn’t contact you and it feels like days are just passing by without him even noticing, then we can infer from his lack of effort that he isn’t as invested in the relationship or conversation as you are.
Something you must consider is that people are creatures of habit.
We all tend to fall into routines because they’re comfortable.
The problem with a routine is that it leaves you susceptible to boredom and emotional fatigue.
The very safe space you find yourself in can become a space for mediocrity and a lack of effort.
In relationships, this can have a terrible effect on excitement, romance and attraction. Ask anyone who has been in any sort of long term relationship and they will attest to this.
Routines are dangerous.
There should always be room for spontaneity.
For that to even occur, both parties need to be equally involved in improving the quality of communication and relationship.
If he has watched you put in all the effort from day one without even a complaint, he’ll take this to be the norm.
In other words, he’ll become extremely comfortable with the way things are to the point of not even realizing how lazy and uninterested he is being towards you.
With that being said, let’s talk about a few reasons why you shouldn’t always text him first.
Related post: What does it mean when a guy double texts you?
1. It will make him lazy
As I’ve mentioned above, men are creatures of habit and when we get used to things being a certain way, we can quickly fall into a routine that becomes monotonous and boring.
If he becomes lazy, it’s going to affect you in a negative way. You’ll find yourself feeling annoyed at him and unappreciated.
When you finally back off and expect him to make more of an effort, it’s going to frustrate you when he doesn’t and this can lead to some unnecessary fight.
But, I think it’s essential to establish mutual effort from the get go.
So, if you’re in the early phases of getting to know a guy and you always text him first, stop it for some time and let him make an effort.
Think of it as a game of tennis.
When you hit the ball into his side of the court, wait for him to hit it back. When does, return the shot.
2. He may start taking you for granted
When a good thing comes too easy, we don’t place as much value on it because it didn’t demand much of an effort.
Most human beings are wired to appreciate and value that which we have to work hard for.
By constantly texting him first and rewarding him with all your effort without him even trying to impress you, he’ll just start to believe that your time and effort come easy and at no cost.
If you’re getting something without working for it, what’s going to inspire you to change anything?
Why would you even need to if not making an effort already gets you results?
Think about it from that perspective because it will help you understand why he may start taking you for granted even if he actually likes you.
Related post: Does silence make a man miss you?
3. He may start thinking you’re desperate
Worst case scenario, he may start thinking you’re desperate because most girls don’t constantly text a guy first unless they’re extremely into him, desperate, needy or easy.
I’m sure you’re none of these things and I can also assure you that if this is how he perceives your constant effort, he won’t be very attracted to you because these characteristics are not usually associated with a highly attractive woman.
Best case scenario, he starts to think that you really like him.
I don’t think the latter scenario is a problem at all unless he hasn’t shown any signs of liking you.
Maintaining some mystery about how you feel during the early phase of courtship is known to boost the development of romantic feelings and attraction.
How to go about not texting him first
I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to lose this guy altogether so what I’m going to advise you will be a safe approach testing him to see where his interest level is at but also a way to change the dynamic of the relationship.
Don’t tell him that you’re going to stop texting him first.
Just do it suddenly.
If you announce your intentions, then a man who is rebellious will take this as a challenge and he’ll wait you out.
This will achieve nothing positive for you because it wouldn’t give you an honest answer to your question of whether he’s invested and interested like you are.
When you stop texting him suddenly, don’t try to do anything to get his attention.
Try your utmost best to carry on with your life as normal. Don’t time it. Don’t constantly check your phone to see if he texted.
Avoid his social media as well if it’s going to affect you.
I’ve seen too many people unravel when they decide to stop texting someone because of these little mistakes that compound and make you feel desperate, afraid and out of control.
Lastly, when he does message you, take a look at how long it took him to do so and decide whether he deserves a response or not.
If it took him a week or two max, reply to him and carry on as normal.
He noticed that you’re missing and thought about you within a reasonable time for someone who may not be super into you but isn’t uninterested altogether.
If he texts you within a few days, then be enthusiastic and brush it off as being so occupied but let him know that you missed him.
If he takes more than two weeks, I would probably not text him back for a few days or until he sends a second text because he’s not all that interested or invested in you at all.
Related post: Does he miss me? 5 telltale signs that he does
Just to summarize, the question of today’s article is as follows – I always text him first should I stop?
My answer would be Yes, stop texting him first if it’s beginning to bother you. Decide on what behavior you’d like to see from him to know that he’s genuinely interested and making an effort.
Make a note of how long it takes for him to text you after you stopped texting him first.
If he takes longer than two weeks, then he’s just not that invested or interested in you.
This could be attributed to a number of reasons but what I would suggest doing is backing off and not giving this man as much attention as you have been.
If he texts you in under two weeks or within a few days, consider this to be a good sign and let him know that it actually felt really good that he texted you.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on “I always text him first should I stop?” to be what you were looking for. Feel free to leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.