How To Win A Woman Back After Hurting Her


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What’s harder than winning a girl’s heart is getting her back after messing up. Granted, everyone makes mistakes but some of our actions can be so detrimental to our relationships that we end up getting dumped. In this article, I’m going to discuss everything you need to know on how to win a woman back after hurting her.

Words alone won’t cut it. When you’re dealing with a woman’s feelings, you must take the initiative to show her your love or remorse instead of rendering a weak apology.

I mean, after all, actions speak louder than words.

Before we touch on this system of how to win a woman back after hurting her, let’s talk about sincerity.

In order for an apology to be heartfelt, you must truly understand the ramifications of your actions.

This is when it’s ridiculously important for you to put yourself in her shoes and contemplate how you would have felt had she done what you did.

This will give you a better understanding of where she stands and the type of behavior she may need to see from you in order to get over her heartbreak.

Trust goes hand in hand with love. When you do things to sever the bond of trust, love alone won’t be able to salvage the relationship.

The only way to win back trust is to be genuine, consistent and mature enough to vocalize your shortcomings and how you plan on growing as an individual.

Once you put in the work, you have to let time work its magic. If there’s any hope of reconciliation at all, it will happen but in its own due time.

Here’s a quick overview of the 10 things you need to know on how to win a woman back after hurting her.

  1. Apologize sincerely and truthfully.
  2. Taper your expectations.
  3. Be prepared to show up consistently to prove your worth.
  4. Don’t pressure her into anything.
  5. Give her some space to cool down.
  6. Don’t chase her.
  7. Initiate no contact.
  8. Be charming and make her laugh.
  9. Improve yourself.
  10. Be gracious in defeat.

With that being said, let’s discuss each of these tips in more detail.

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1. Apologize sincerely and truthfully

A real and sincere apology is one that comes from the heart. You must express exactly how your actions hurt her as well as how you regret your actions.

A good apology focuses on how much you value the other person more so than how embarrassed you are.

Be sincere and show remorse, take responsibility for your actions, make amends and promise that it will never happen again.

For a more detailed look at how to apologize to someone, check out this article by mindtools.

2. Taper your expectations

Just because you apologize and want to be a good partner now doesn’t mean she automatically is ready to be with you again. Everyone recovers from hurt and pain at their own pace.

The risk of her not accepting your apology or willing to be with you again is a possibility. She may put you on the shelf for a while until she’s decided whether you’re worth trusting again.

There’s really no telling what she’ll do until you apologize and try to win her back.

To avoid getting majorly disappointed or upset, control your expectations. This will allow you to deal with whatever she throws your way without freaking out or having a meltdown.

3. Be prepared to show up consistently

To win back her trust, respect and love, you must be prepared to show up consistently to make an effort.

More than any materialistic thing, women value an honest and thoughtful gesture of love. Think about special ways in which you can show her that she is a true gem of a person and that you are willing to take ownership of your mistake.

By putting in the work, you’ll slowly break down her walls and possibly win her back.

If there’s one thing I know, women respect men who work hard and are willing to get their hands dirty for the people they love.

Show her exactly how committed you are to treating her like a queen if she gives you another chance.

4. Don’t pressure her into anything

The heart moves at its own pace, irrespective of what you may want. If you’ve made a huge mistake like cheating, you’re in no position to pressure her into anything.

Forgiveness is something that can never be faked. Until she’s ready, you have no option but to wait.

I know this is particularly hard for men to do, especially when they are falling apart, but patience is the key to relationship success. Being patient is a virtue that prevents people from losing control of themselves and messing up their chances of success.

When she’s ready to let you back in, you’ll know and feel it.

5. Give her some space to cool down

Some people need time and space away from others to work through their emotions and to move past something traumatic.

After apologizing sincerely and making a genuine effort to win her back, if she still seems angry and is trying to push you away, give her some space.

As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Constantly talking to someone while being upset about something can often keep you both trapped in the middle of the storm.

Time away from each other might be exactly what you both need to cool down and be more open to forgiveness.

6. Don’t chase her

If there’s one thing I know, desperation, begging and pleading do very little for attraction. If anything, they make you look weak and off-putting.

I understand that you are feeling anxious and desperate to win her back. I get it. You love her. But acting like a lovesick puppy that wants to hound her until she gives you a bone to eat is not going to work.

There’s a fine line between pursuit and chasing. Chasing a woman doesn’t take into account how she feels. Its entire premise is to satisfy your desire for instant gratification.

By giving her the space to come to you after making an effort to win her back, you vastly improve your chance of winning her back through this form of subtle pursuit.

Related post: how to make her chase you after a breakup.

7. Initiate no contact

Distance teaches us the value of good people. If you’ve done everything necessary to win her back but it hasn’t been working and you two seem to be at a stalemate, it might be time to initiate no contact.

This will be effective particularly when she refuses to take you back or acknowledge your efforts.

By initiating no contact, you can give her the time, space and distance to actually miss you. As humans, we are designed to miss those whom we care about, even if they have hurt us.

Distance and no contact has an effect on our memory. Rather than clutch onto what upset or hurt us, we dig deeper into those memories that were special and important.

Eventually, if not speaking to you or seeing you starts to overwhelm her, she may reach out.

Alternately, you can tell her that it may be a good idea that you both not speak for a while to heal and in a month or so you should get in contact again.

Related post: 5 signs the no contact rule is working

8. Be charming and make her laugh

There’s not an easier way to a girl’s heart than through laughter. If you can put a smile or laugh on her face, you move her out of that state of hurt and into a feel-good state.

Laughter, fun, positivity, flirting and charm all have a positive effect on attraction and romance.

Rather than constantly stay stuck in the past, remind her of all the things about you she loves!

If you manage to go out with her again, treat her to some amazing and fun dates.

Act as if you’re courting her all over again. Pull out all the stops at having fun and pile up the reasons for why she should forgive you and give you another chance.

9. Improve yourself

Nothing shows a woman that you are serious about changing into a better man than hard work. Whether it be at your career, fitness, health, communication or relationships.

Improving yourself in these different areas of life can have a profound effect on your level of happiness and positivity.

And the better you feel, the easier it is to show up in the relationship or interaction with a healthy attitude.

She’ll notice any and all changes you man because women are attentive like that.

They’re always trying to read you and figure out whether you are the right kind of man for them.

Look, what’s done is done. You can’t go back in time and change the mistake you’ve made. But, you can sure as hell do everything in your power to become a better partner.

Give her more reasons to love you again by becoming an irresistible man.

10. Be gracious in defeat

Sometimes, you can do everything humanly possible to win her back but it may not work.

Perhaps after no contact, she met someone else or she’s just not ready to be with you again.

By blowing up, acting desperate, jealous or lashing out, you may sour and ruin your chance of getting her back in the future entirely.

Instead, prepare yourself for bad news and be gracious. Love her even if she doesn’t want to be with you right now.

Let her know that the time you spent together was wonderful and keep the door open for the future. Thereafter, walkaway on good terms.

You’d be surprised, this mature way of handling failure or rejection may turn things around for you in the future.

With that being said, I’d like to wrap up this article by letting you know that there’s always hope. Don’t give up too soon. If she is meant to be in your life, she’ll come back.

Please share your experiences or questions on how to win a woman back after hurting her in the comment section below. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

17 thoughts on “How To Win A Woman Back After Hurting Her

  1. I’m going through a break up with my girl now and really have no one to talk to. These points you brought up have really made me think about what I’m doing wrong in my situation. I’m going to take the advice that you’ve written in try and make this work. Distance is hard but maybe no contact is the way to go. Thank you for the feelings dedication you put in to this article.

    1. Hey Alex, I’m really sorry you’re going through a rough time. It sucks, I know. Hang in there and stay strong. You’ll be okay.

  2. i have done everything that i could. She always Rejects me and feel irritated always whenever im around or whenever i go to their house. i know it is my fault but i would really want to win her back. Is it okay to move on considering my door is always open for her if she comes back?

    1. Hey, yes I’d suggest moving on and focusing on finding happiness within yourself again. If you and her are meant to be together, it will happen in some way or another. For now, just focus on improving yourself.

      1. Hey bro, I appreciate your reply. I keep my self busy and focus on other things as well, sometimes when im happy, there is still a point that i feel incomplete and i feel like there is a hole in my chest and i can’t escape from it. I really love her so much that i gave her everything even the hardest goodbye. If i could only re write the stars i will make things different. The only thing i want for her is that may she finds her true happiness and be successful in life even without me. we may not be together for now but i will keep my promise to her even if she doesnt love me back anymore. (P.A.S.)

  3. I tried to talk with her bur she rejects me.The last time we talked she were angry and blocked me everywhere.Then I opened fake instagrams and wrote to her but she blocked me again.The last instagram account I remembered to her the beautiful things and the dreams for our engagement our promises.Then she said maybe I”ll calm down and think.I”ll come back to you but its difficult cuz you have made a lot of mistakes

  4. Thank you so much for the advise. I am going to try. My wife left me 5 years ago for my huge mistake, and all I want is to get her back. My sitch is a little different as we have a soon together and we see each other weekly for pick ups and drop offs. I asked her to go to dinner with me and talk, she was hesitant at 1st, but agreed. I hope it works out. Its time for me to man up and admit my mistakes as I have yet to cone clean. It can back fire for sure, but I have to admit it so I can get it off my chest.

  5. I cheated on my girlfriend of 5years all those years it was always a different promblem with me. I thought she would never leave me after all the chances i was given. I was given everything i needed in one person and i was blind to that. She told me she doesnt love me anymore and she doesnt see us ever happening again. Ive lost everything i ever needed, because i couldnt be the ideal partner she needed me to be, i ignored all her signs for attention, i ignored all her cries for me to just be there for her. Ive made a mistake that going to make her look at me differently forever. I dont know when would be the right time to talk about this. I hate myself that i even continued to do something that i knew was wrong. She told me if i give her enough space she wont come back. She has me between a rock and a hard place, she tells me she done altogether then tells me things like if i give her space she wont come back. I admitted to my wrongful actions, she never wanted anybody else, she just wanted me to get my shit together to be better for us and myself. I dont know what to do….

    1. The only thing you can and should do is become the kind of man she thought you actually were. Do it irrespective of whether you win her back or not. It would be more helpful if you learn from your mistakes rather than hate yourself. In this situation, prove to her that you’re committed to changing. You can’t rush or force forgiveness or another chance. Try everything you can to win her back. You won’t regret trying, that’s for sure.

  6. Hey Zak, hope you can reply to my comment ’cause I’m in a very particular situation..
    My ex-girlfriend and I have been together 9 months. Last month, she broke up with me in a hard and quick way and because of an accumulation of hurtful things I supposedly said to her in the last months.. We were fighting a lot in the last month, but we love each other so much.. Thing is, this girl has a little self esteem problem because when she was young, her alcoholic father used to say rude things and insult her on multiple occasions.
    I’ve never insulted her, just maybe been rude to her a couple times and said hurtful things, but nothing like verbal violence, cheating, or other..
    She says I have a problem and that I want to hurt people? (not sure if it’s her overreacting because of her low self esteem or if I really have a problem, I’m going to see a psychologist to seek the truth).
    So yeah, it was a shocked when she left me out of nowhere, because she accumulated all these ”rude” things in her without telling me it was hurting her. And now she seems so sure to not wanting to go back with me..
    Last week, my brother decided to leave this word on his own (suicide). Since then I’ve been so sad and depressed, two big wounds happening in one month..
    She did blocked me from Facebook and Instagram last month, but unblocked me when I told her on imessage that my brother died..
    Since then, she always wants to see me, we cuddle a lot, she constantly gives me hugs and everything, kissing me a bit on the neck.. Sounds like compassion and empathy, but deep down I have a feeling that’s it’s a bit more than this..
    I know I should mourn my lost brother, and I did a lot in the last days.. But when I see her, I just can’t help myself but show her all the love I have for her.
    At first, I was begging to have her back, but after reading your article, I stopped.
    Yesterday I didn’t beg. We just had fun, I compliment her and everything, and she seems to like it or at least accept it.. She helps me a lot going through my hard time and mourning..
    Maybe I’ll have to tell her at some point that I need a pause so that we can both heal correctly before I try reaching out again to her..
    What do you think Zak?
    I love her so much man.. I’d do anything for her, I did told her.. She tells me go see a psychologist, but do it for you, not for me/us..
    Do I still have chances?
    Should I continue to see her? Or should I stop so we can both heal correctly?
    Thank you in advance for your answer brother..

    1. Hey William, my condolences for your loss. Stay strong, my friend. If she’s there for you during this time and she’s being supportive, I don’t see any reason why you have to cut contact with her. Yes, you should absolutely be working on yourself during this time and seeing a therapist could prove to be highly beneficial. I would implore you to seek out grief counseling. What I would suggest is to take things slow with her. Do me a favor, send me an email at theattractiongame@gmail.com and we can talk about this in more detail.

  7. I’m going through same situation and it looks my life shuttered now
    My lady broke up with me and I think I’m using the wrong approach to win her back. I will put your thoughts into use
    Thank you

  8. I’ve tried everything…I made her leave . Im an addict..and truth is addiction has taken everything I love. It will take everything anyone loves… was already a lowlife when I met her..we both was crazy about one another…the drugs had thier way with us both and we both did wrong things..then I became trash ..lower than trash ..I layed hands on her I didn’t see her for months…now I’m laying next to her and I can tell she’s been with and is still sleeping with someone else..I’m just here now and in the way..or it would be him laying next to my son and her.. ..I think most of us had hand in our own demise in our relationships..some of us did not…It took losing them for months and me rewireing. My myself in the process and coming back and having sex like nothing was wrong then to knowing what happened while I was here in the next apparment over with our child to understand that I am even worse than what I thought only part I got right was mind in being a father and money to support him is my #1….That being said ….no matter how much you love her….it’s guna hurt.. but it’s the child in the end that comes first….best thing to do is be alone with your kids …..just a junkies opinion….best of luck and God bless you all….

  9. My girlfriend broke up after finding out I had lied and hidden a court date for my ex’s restraining order against me even after we had a conversation a month ago about talking about everything. She has lost all respect and doesn’t want to see me. She believes that our whole relationship was a lie and that I only dated her while I got back with my ex which is definitely not going to happen. I am giving her space. Today would of been our 14th month anniversary. Anyone have any advice?

  10. So my gf and I broke up because of my stupid sisters they didn’t see her in the light that I see her. So my sister started taking bad about her and my other sister and brothers were giving her a hard time. She always told me how she felt but I failed to step up and fix things. It went on for almost 3 years. We love each other but she told me that she doesn’t know if she can forgive me for not putting her first and let my family hurt her. Idk what to do I need some advice please. I love her so much I want to win her back but I just don’t know how.

    1. Take ownership of where you failed and let her know this, explain how you will do things differently and what stance you will adopt to prevent such a thing from occurring again, let her know how much you care about her and then leave the ball in her court.

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