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How To Tell If Someone Doesn’t Care About You

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When we invest ourselves in people who don’t care about us, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people who genuinely deserve to belong in our lives. But, most of us can’t decipher between the two until we get hurt. Which is why, I want to share my thoughts on how to tell if someone doesn’t care about you. 

I want to save you from wasting precious time in your life that you won’t be able to get back on someone who doesn’t care about you.

But, more so than that, I want to help you gravitate more towards those who care about you and away from those who don’t.

Here’s a quick look at all the signs of someone who doesn’t care about you. 

  1. They don’t make an effort to text you.
  2. They don’t spend any time with you.
  3. They are rude and insulting to you.
  4. They are abusive.
  5. They are deceptive and misleading.
  6. They choose others over you.
  7. They aren’t supportive during difficult times.
  8. They only use you for favors.
  9. They don’t keep their promises to you.
  10. They betray you.
  11. They show a lack of interest in you.

Let’s examine each of these signs in more detail so that you can adequately figure out how to tell if someone doesn’t care about you. 

Related post: How to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you

Signs That Someone Doesn’t Care About You

signs that someone doesn't care about you

1. They don’t make an effort to text you

It only takes a few seconds to pull out a phone, open an app and send a message to someone, or reply. 

In fact, it’s so easy that the average person has been found to check their phone approximately 262 times per day.

If someone actually cared about you, one of the 262 usages of their phone would be to send you a text or to reply to you. 

Ask yourself something, how often do you reply to someone that you care about and even want to be with romantically? 

Then ask yourself whether you would consider their behavior to be in keeping with your perception of care, even if you’re being generous and not expecting them to show up as often or as much as you do.

Having to wait days for a reply if at all, having to send double texts or triple texts regularly and being met with one-word answers or lackadaisical replies are usually the signs of someone who doesn’t care about you. 

At the very least, it’s the sign of someone who doesn’t care about texting and communicating with you. 

Related post: Why isn’t he texting me?

2. They don’t spend any time with you

Are you the only one making an effort to spend time with this person? Do you often find that they’re always making excuses for why they can’t make time for you?

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This is a tell-tale sign someone doesn’t care about you.

Most of us can’t resist being around the people we care about. Even introverts love being around people they care about and feel comfortable around. 

For this person to not have any time for you and yet they have time for others is just hurtful and not something you should ignore. 

Ask yourself this question, if you didn’t take the time to be with them, would they even pick up the phone to arrange a meeting?

3. They are rude and insulting to you

To care is to be considerate.

It is to exercise a sense of compassion, love and consideration for the subject of your feelings.

Imagine someone claiming that they care about you but they say and do things that hurt and belittle you.

Is that caring?

No, it isn’t.

And yet, a lot of us are so accommodating to the people we care about that toxic behavior like this is often overlooked because we project our feelings onto other people.

The truth of the matter is that someone who cares about you will not intentionally be rude and insulting to you on a regular basis.

Granted, some relationship and friendship dynamics encourage bickering but in a playful sense.

Both parties are fully aware that their words are meant as nothing more than to poke fun and not be hurtful in any capacity.

This is different from someone saying and doing things that are genuinely hurtful to you. 

How to tell the difference between someone who cares about you versus someone who doesn’t is by expressing your discomfort and feelings about being treated poorly.

The person who cares about you will show genuine remorse and surprise. They will be apologetic, they will be considerate and they will make a conscious effort to consider your feelings in the future.

Someone who doesn’t care about you will be dismissive and/or gaslight you.

Additionally, they’ll make light of the situation and continue being rude and insulting. 

Related post: 20 Signs your friend doesn’t care about you

4. They are abusive

I don’t care what anyone says, abuse cannot be linked to feelings of love or affection. It just can’t.

I’m not even talking about some form of one-time mistake that occurs, I’m talking about someone who is emotionally, verbally, psychologically and physically abusive.

There’s no justification for this sort of behavior. 

Don’t just listen to the promises people make or their sweet words at times, observe their behavior. 

5. They are deceptive and misleading

Recently, I’ve been spending some time examining what it means to care about someone and whether there’s any room for deception and lies. 

I believe that people have the ability to deceive and mislead people they care about in cases of self-preservation or to avoid hurting them.

It doesn’t make it right but we can acknowledge the merits behind their reasoning.

However, when you encounter someone who intentionally deceives and misleads for their selfish desires, then you can make the argument that they don’t care about you or they don’t care about you enough. 

Either way, it’s not good and you realize that by gambling with their relationship, they are essentially valuing other things and people over you. 

No matter how we dress it up, this is not a caring thing to do. 

Honesty is a product of respect.

Respect is a product of care. 

Related post: 15 Signs you’re in a bad relationship

6. They choose others over you

When I hear lines like family above everything else, it inspires a sense of comfort within me because it proves loyalty but more importantly, it shows a value system that prioritizes the well-being of those one cares about above anything else. 

So, when someone who believes this doesn’t choose you over others, especially when you believe that they have your back, then it’s obvious that they don’t care about you.

Loyalty and care go hand in hand.

There isn’t one without the other.

If this person constantly chooses other people over you at the expense of your feelings, then they must not care about you or they don’t care about how you feel. 

Related post: Why did she leave me for someone else?

7. They aren’t supportive during difficult times

When days are dark, friends are few. That quote rings so true in life, especially as you get older. 

One of the quickest ways to filter out those who care about you from those who pretend to care about you is to simply observe who is around and who is supportive when you’re going through a rough time.

People will always show up when they have things to gain from being with you or around you. But, when you’re not doing so well, that’s when the people who care about you will show up.

They’ll be the ones who are there to lend a helping hand or to offer some words of comfort. 

Someone who doesn’t care about you will either ghost you or make a lot of excuses about why they aren’t there to support you. 

8. They only use you for favors

Someone who cares about you won’t need anything from you other than your presence to be happy and content.

That’s the truth.

What they can gain from you should be irrelevant. Their desire to be in your life should simply be to enjoy your presence.

Those who don’t care about you will always need something from you.

They’re not in your life to give comfort and care, they’re in your life to get something from you.

Like a leech, they only care to gain rather than to truly give honesty and sincerity.

For them, having a relationship with you is the same as a business relationship. They’re doing a transaction and most of the time, what they can get is always more important than what they are willing to give. 

When someone else comes into the picture who can offer them more things, trust me, they’ll go so far as to sacrifice their relationship with you for their own personal gain.

That’s how to tell if someone doesn’t care about you.

Related post: 5 Reasons why people use you

9. They don’t keep their promises to you

People who don’t care about someone or themselves often fail to keep their promises. Why? Because they don’t value the sanctity of that promise made to you. 

They’re okay with letting you down because they don’t care that much about you.

I’m not saying that broken promises are a deal breaker but they’re a red flag. 

Unless they have a fair, reasonable and true justification for why they don’t keep their promises to you, then it’s just safe to assume that they don’t care about you and everything they say to you is just lip service with no meaning behind their words. 

As I get older, I place a heavier emphasis on people’s actions over their words.

Anyone can say sweet things and make lavish promises but only those who care will follow up on their promises. 

10. They betray you

Betrayal is a beast that deserves an entire book but for the sake of this article, I’m going to touch on it.

Depending on the nature of betrayal and the circumstances surrounding it as well as intentions, it can make or break a relationship because it completely reveals someone’s level of investment and feelings for you.

Unfortunately, most of us in life will experience betrayal. And, betrayal often only hurts because we don’t expect it or see it coming. 


Because the people who betray us are the ones we usually care about. 

More often than not, betrayal proves one thing, this person cares about something, someone or themselves a hell of a lot more than they care about you. 

That’s if they even care about you at all. 

Someone who betrays you again and again either doesn’t care about you or doesn’t know the meaning of the word care. 

11. They show a lack of interest in you

There have been times in my life when some friends or partners showed a lack of interest in me. I’d often feel alone in their company and like I was an inconvenience. Perhaps, in that moment, we can make an argument that they didn’t care all that much about me because my likes were discarded.

Obviously, that can change and people can start caring about you again. I’ve also experienced this with people and it’s a good feeling.

But, when you constantly express a desire and need for them to make more of an effort in you only to be met with silence and rejection, then you need to entertain the idea that they don’t care about you. 

Ask yourself another question, do you show an interest in the people you care about? Do you ask them about their day or show an interest in their likes? 

If so, then the only reason why someone wouldn’t do the same for you is that they don’t care about you or they’re too self-absorbed. 

In both instances, you’re going to feel the same way, lonely and unappreciated.

Related post: 10 Signs he’s losing interest in you

In Conclusion

Denial plays a hand in why it’s so hard for us to accept that someone doesn’t care about us, especially if we are fond of them.

But, we have to be realistic and honest with ourselves. Wishing for something to be other than it is can lead to great disappointment and suffering.

For this reason, I strongly urge you to study this article on the signs someone doesn’t care about you and honestly determine whether you’re dealing with a person who fits the bill.

If so, then it might be time for you to have an honest conversation with them and cut your losses.

It might be extremely difficult but try to remember that by holding onto what isn’t meant to be, you’re preventing life from delivering those people and things that are meant for you.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to tell if someone doesn’t care about you to be insightful and thought-provoking. If you have any questions or opinions, please feel free to share them with me in the comment section below because I look forward to hearing from you.

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