So you’ve recently decided to do no contact, some time has passed and you’re wondering how to tell if no contact is working.
Well, there are a few things you need to look at, particularly how you feel and whether your ex has done anything to get your attention.
When it comes to how you feel, a good indicator of no contact working is if you feel generally more happy, content and at peace even though you’ve been through a breakup.
Another sign that no contact is working is if your ex is trying to get your attention by speaking about you to mutual friends, trying to find out what you’re doing and messing around on your social media.
I’d strongly advise you to read those articles because they are jam-packed with insight and valuable information on how to use no contact correctly.
With that being said, let’s take a closer look at the 5 signs on how to tell if no contact is working.
1. Your ex adds you on social networking apps or likes your updates
After a breakup, it’s quite common for an ex to remove you from social networking apps or avoid you for some time.
Ordinarily, this makes you want to chase after them or try to get their attention which is a huge mistake.
By initiating no contact, it returns the silence to your ex and when they start wondering about you, they’ll start snooping around on your social media.
To test or get your attention, they may add you again or start liking and commenting on your content.
This is a good sign that they are starting to miss you and want to find out where you’re at.
Don’t make the mistake of reaching out to them based on this activity. Continue no contact until they text or call you.
2. They reach out to you
The goal of no contact is to either help you move on from your ex entirely or to make them come back.
When your ex reaches out to you via text message, email, phone call or in-person, then no contact has worked. If this isn’t another sign of how to tell if no contact is working, I don’t know what is!
But, unless they reach out with the intention of talking about the breakup or the relationship, small talk should be kept to a minimum.
Never bring up the breakup or the relationship first. Maintain your cool composure and don’t be in a hurry to reply.
When they send these random messages or calls, it’s just to be inquisitive and to get some comfort because they’re starting to miss you and question their decision.
Keep it brief and don’t reach out until it’s their idea to see you or to have a discussion about reconciliation.
3. You don’t think about your ex all the time
Another major sign of how to tell if no contact is working is by analyzing how often you think about your ex.
Right after a breakup, he or she could be on your mind 24/7. It’s so disillusioning to go through that.
You start to feel like life will never be the same and you’ll never be able to get over them.
But, when you initiate no contact and take the necessary steps to move on after a breakup, things start to change.
At first, it’s very gradual.
You may not even notice any difference.
A few more weeks start to pass and then suddenly, you’re taken aback at the fact that it’s been almost an entire day and you didn’t think about your ex at all.
Fast forward more into the future and your ex pops into your mind a few times a month at most.
That’s when you truly know that no contact has work tremendously.
4. You’re no longer heartbroken or in pain
Building on the last point, when you do think about your ex after a breakup, it can be painful and confusing.
Your emotions may feel completely wrapped around your ex.
However, when no contact starts to work, you’ll experience many moments in your day when you feel happy and at peace.
Rather than be pining for your ex or upset over things to do with the breakup or your ex, you’re able to enjoy things in your life.
I remember the first time I realized that no contact was working and how shocked I was.
Up until that point, I was plagued by emotions and thoughts about my ex. But, because of no contact, I was out with my best friend and for the entire day, I was completely immersed by all the fun activities we had planned.
I felt absolutely amazing and didn’t want that day to end.
That feeling of bliss and happiness seeped well into the next few days. At which point, I really started to appreciate the sanctity and importance of no contact.
What really took me by surprise is when I realized how I no longer felt heartbroken about the end of our relationship.
I could think about my ex and not feel hurt or upset. That meant huge progress for me and a lot of that can be attributed to the effects of going no contact.
You will regain a thirst for living life again because it has so much to offer.
5. You don’t feel weird about dating new people
After my last breakup many years ago, I made the mistake of dating new women way too quickly.
Rather than deal with my emotions, I wanted to move on from my ex as fast as humanly possible.
But, this was a mistake.
I would go on these dates, have an okay time but at the end, I’d have this depressing feeling of guilt wrapping itself around me.
Clearly, I was still emotionally attached and committed to my ex. A lot of people don’t realize this, especially those who have been dumped.
It will take you longer to break that emotional commitment to your ex than you think.
Just because you want to move on doesn’t mean you’re ready to.
And that’s a double edged sword because it also prevents you from getting a good read on the people you meet.
You may be disqualifying them based on those emotional attachments to your ex rather than on the merit of the date and the chemistry you both share.
Only after some significant time of no contact with my ex and dealing with the breakup was I able to meet new people and be excited about the prospects of dating.
Eventually, I met someone who I have grown to love dearly and my ex didn’t factor into that decision at all.
No contact helps you reach that point a lot faster than if you don’t do it.
Why you need to do no contact
For the sake of your own emotional and psychological well being, it is imperative that you do no contact after a breakup.
Well because the sudden change and end to a romantic relationship is jarring and shocking to most people, especially those who have been dumped.
These feelings of shock may encourage you to say or do things that are out of character.
In a desperate attempt to win back your ex, you may end up chasing them out of your life for good and damaging your self worth and dignity in the process.
All of this can be avoided by simply initiating no contact.
For the dumper, it’s also the only move left that gives him or her some kind of control over the situation.
In the end, the only one who benefits the most from no contact is you.
Rather than chase your ex, get rejected again, fall into a friend-zone that traumatizes you or be forced to watch your ex move on, you can focus on your own life and get a new perspective on what you want leading into the future.
No contact takes time to work
Often, I come across people who are sold on this idea of the 30 day no contact rule who end up confused, frantic and upset when it doesn’t work.
The truth of the matter is that there is no set period for when no contact will bring about what you want.
It works best when you attach an indefinite time period to it.
In that way, rather than cling onto the hope of your ex coming back in 30 days, you come to a realization that he or she may never come back and that it’s perfectly okay.
You embrace the possibility and reality that the only thing you can control during this time is yourself.
If you can wrap your mind around that idea and use no contact as a tool to move on, good things will start to happen.
Let me know what your thoughts are in the comment section below and please share your experiences with the no contact rule.
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